Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage was great. Great sex 4-5 times a week was a big part. 4 wonderful kids. We are now in our early 50s and dh got prostate cancer. It has been treated, but he doesn’t ever want to have sex. It is a big deal. I don’t think I can go on like this. He says he just doesn’t feel like it. Yes, he has seen many doctors. No solution, but to leave.

Similar story over here and I just don't know what to do. I don't want to leave, but it makes me desperately sad to think of my sex life being over at age 47.

I'd be glad to be an attentive AP to either of you ladies.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the one with the low sex drive, ED issues and Low T. His insecurities are killing it for me. Its been months. And I am certain he isn't getting it anywhere else.married 9 years. And for all the husbands complaining that your wives have lost interest, lets be honest, they just don't want sex with you. Every divorced woman I know who was in a low sex marriage, went crazy and had a ton of sex once she split up. Women hate monogamy more than men,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know men hate to hear it but sex for much of most women's lives is mental. If she is not 'feeling' you she won't be 'feeling' you.
LIke others above, if i let my DH kiss me, snuggle with me etc I know I am about to get groped and expected to have sex because it gets him horny feeling me. Yes, that is nice to hear, but sometimes I want to just snuggle with my husband or hold his hand without him gearing up for an hour of sex.
That brings me to another point. The length of time. My DH could get done in about 45 seconds but insists on this long drawn out sex act each time. I explain to lets keep it light or how about a quickly but he just wants it all. The touching every inch of my body, the licking me, etc etc. If he could occasionally just do it and be done we would do it a lot more.
Initiating. I do. Almost all of the time because i know when I am up for an hour of sex and when I am not. We do it on average 1x per week, sometimes more. But honestly, other than that I have nothing to give. Times where i go through the mostions and he doesn't feel I am 100% in it becomes a huge fight. Its not all the time i feel this way, but sometimes and I do get into it, just not crazy. But THAT is not good enough for him. So i only initiate when i can give it my all.

See a pattern?? Nothing is ever good enough for DH and sex. THey either want it more, want it more passionate, want it longer. Its like just do it and be done. NO college guy is out there licking his girlfriend who is going crazy for an hour more than 1x per week. Just not happening so why DH thinks as a 45 year old man he should no idea.

Also, my mood for it depends on how his mood is toward me. Weeks where i am stressed and he steps up without me begging him to, i am MUCH MUCH more likely to get it on with him. I hate having to 'mother' him to do things adults should just do (dishes, laundry, vacuum, play with the kids, help with homework). He has never asked my help or reminded me to do one damn thing around the house and it all gets done. I hate having to remind him of things HE should be doing and know about. That is my biggest turn off ever and suspect a lot of men are turning off their hot wives because they force their wives to micromanage them and treat them like children.

I usually hear women complaining that there's not enough foreplay, men orgasm too fast, etc. This is the opposite of what I would expect to hear.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the one with the low sex drive, ED issues and Low T. His insecurities are killing it for me. Its been months. And I am certain he isn't getting it anywhere else.married 9 years. And for all the husbands complaining that your wives have lost interest, lets be honest, they just don't want sex with you. Every divorced woman I know who was in a low sex marriage, went crazy and had a ton of sex once she split up. Women hate monogamy more than men,

Anonymous wrote:I know men hate to hear it but sex for much of most women's lives is mental. If she is not 'feeling' you she won't be 'feeling' you.
LIke others above, if i let my DH kiss me, snuggle with me etc I know I am about to get groped and expected to have sex because it gets him horny feeling me. Yes, that is nice to hear, but sometimes I want to just snuggle with my husband or hold his hand without him gearing up for an hour of sex.
That brings me to another point. The length of time. My DH could get done in about 45 seconds but insists on this long drawn out sex act each time. I explain to lets keep it light or how about a quickly but he just wants it all. The touching every inch of my body, the licking me, etc etc. If he could occasionally just do it and be done we would do it a lot more.
Initiating. I do. Almost all of the time because i know when I am up for an hour of sex and when I am not. We do it on average 1x per week, sometimes more. But honestly, other than that I have nothing to give. Times where i go through the mostions and he doesn't feel I am 100% in it becomes a huge fight. Its not all the time i feel this way, but sometimes and I do get into it, just not crazy. But THAT is not good enough for him. So i only initiate when i can give it my all.

See a pattern?? Nothing is ever good enough for DH and sex. THey either want it more, want it more passionate, want it longer. Its like just do it and be done. NO college guy is out there licking his girlfriend who is going crazy for an hour more than 1x per week. Just not happening so why DH thinks as a 45 year old man he should no idea.

Also, my mood for it depends on how his mood is toward me. Weeks where i am stressed and he steps up without me begging him to, i am MUCH MUCH more likely to get it on with him. I hate having to 'mother' him to do things adults should just do (dishes, laundry, vacuum, play with the kids, help with homework). He has never asked my help or reminded me to do one damn thing around the house and it all gets done. I hate having to remind him of things HE should be doing and know about. That is my biggest turn off ever and suspect a lot of men are turning off their hot wives because they force their wives to micromanage them and treat them like children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Yes, exactly. So having sex is not enough, I have to show enthusiasm and interest that I don’t feel? Because of him?

And don't forget that it's not only interest, you have to have the right frequency and not say no to any sex acts that he may want. It's like men will say we are willing to work on this (go to marriage counselor etc.) but really no compromise is right for them. You start to hear complaints no matter how the wife is willing to compromise. There have been threads where a husband will complain that scheduled sex isn't good because there's no spontaneity/wife doesn't seem excited. It's like negative reinforcement. At some point, wives will just have no reason to work on this if the outcome is always negative as per the husband. Maybe men just want to leave their marriage and this becomes their reason to do so (or at least it can appear that way).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Similar. My libido is down. I love my husband. He is attractive. I just have no sex drive anymore.
One issue is he tends to make his moves when I am in the middle of chores. It’s not a good time to try and turn me on - not what I have loads of dishes surrounding me, or when I’m in the middle of scrubbing a bathroom.

Yep. It must be the jiggle of my ass that turns him on, but somehow he thinks that when I'm scrubbing the floor I'll welcome his dick in my ass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Yes, exactly. So having sex is not enough, I have to show enthusiasm and interest that I don’t feel? Because of him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Similar. My libido is down. I love my husband. He is attractive. I just have no sex drive anymore.
One issue is he tends to make his moves when I am in the middle of chores. It’s not a good time to try and turn me on - not what I have loads of dishes surrounding me, or when I’m in the middle of scrubbing a bathroom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage was great. Great sex 4-5 times a week was a big part. 4 wonderful kids. We are now in our early 50s and dh got prostate cancer. It has been treated, but he doesn’t ever want to have sex. It is a big deal. I don’t think I can go on like this. He says he just doesn’t feel like it. Yes, he has seen many doctors. No solution, but to leave.

As a woman, I think this is horrible. H poo w can you l wave s someone that y o u h ave 4 kids with and has had prostrate cancer? I would say this to a man who would do this to his wife as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Similar. My libido is down. I love my husband. He is attractive. I just have no sex drive anymore.
One issue is he tends to make his moves when I am in the middle of chores. It’s not a good time to try and turn me on - not what I have loads of dishes surrounding me, or when I’m in the middle of scrubbing a bathroom.