Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is too old to be in Girl Scouts, let alone for you to care about it this much.

Girl Scouting is available all the way through senior year of high school. And beyond, for college age and adult women who volunteer.

If you mean that you think GS is somehow babyish -- you should look into the kinds of things MS and HS scouts get to do. You'd be surprised how much cooler, more adventurous and more challenging scouting gets as girls get older.

OP, even if your current troop breaks up, your DD can find a lot to do if she stays in GS in a troop or as a Juliette (a Girl Scout who is active but not in a troop).

Your daughter is too old to be in Girl Scouts, let alone for you to care about it this much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: Suzie’s dad emailed that they were working on summer custody schedule and didn’t know if it would work yet but he would be happy to chaperone if so. I told him that we can’t facilitate male chaperones on this trip and that I was facing a deadline and it sounds like Suzie can’t be part of this. I mean, it’s clearly not a priority for them and it’s only 4 months away....how can they still have no idea what their custody schedule looks????

Oh, OP. PLEASE tell us that you didn't just vaguely say, "It sounds like Suzie can't be part of this" and left it at that. That "sounds like" still leaves them an opening to come back to you and say, we just worked out the schedule and hey, Suzie can come. Please say you actually told the dad, "I have to make firm reservations TODAY and cannot wait any longer. I can't alter the reservations after I make them so I'm sorry but Suzie cannot come."

You have been way, way too accommodating with the extra chances and e-mails. I predict when the trip gets closer either dad or mom will get in touch and say they were assuming Suzie could come, she can just sit out the reserved activities if need be, why isn't that OK, you never said clearly that it was locked down, etc. etc. Too many chances given after they didn't reply to you for ages.
-- From a GS troop leader

+1000
I'll usually send out a second email to the girls families who I haven't heard from. "Right now Larla isn't registerd for xyz. Please let me know by tomorrow night if she will be coming." And that's it. If I don't hear back, they don't get to come. (In fairness, occasionally someone will come a few days later, and if I can easily add them I will, but if I can't I just say sorry.)

At this point, you're making this so much worse on yourself.
You need to clearly state that the deadline has past and Suzie can't come. And then stop thinking about it or emailing them.

Anonymous wrote:I think you have been more than generous. Since no one has responded, I would already assume Suzie is a no go, and move on without her.

Troop leader here of Cadettes. Totally agree with this. And I have had more than my fair share of challenging girls/families. I feel your pain.

Anonymous wrote:Update: Suzie’s dad emailed that they were working on summer custody schedule and didn’t know if it would work yet but he would be happy to chaperone if so. I told him that we can’t facilitate male chaperones on this trip and that I was facing a deadline and it sounds like Suzie can’t be part of this. I mean, it’s clearly not a priority for them and it’s only 4 months away....how can they still have no idea what their custody schedule looks????

Oh, OP. PLEASE tell us that you didn't just vaguely say, "It sounds like Suzie can't be part of this" and left it at that. That "sounds like" still leaves them an opening to come back to you and say, we just worked out the schedule and hey, Suzie can come. Please say you actually told the dad, "I have to make firm reservations TODAY and cannot wait any longer. I can't alter the reservations after I make them so I'm sorry but Suzie cannot come."

You have been way, way too accommodating with the extra chances and e-mails. I predict when the trip gets closer either dad or mom will get in touch and say they were assuming Suzie could come, she can just sit out the reserved activities if need be, why isn't that OK, you never said clearly that it was locked down, etc. etc. Too many chances given after they didn't reply to you for ages.
-- From a GS troop leader

I think you are investing much too much into this. Let's look at it from a different perspective: what if there is an event and the drunk mom shows up and some child gets hurt? Or simply tells their parents? Then you are legally in a lot of trouble. You can't save everyone and you need to think about the safety of the kids first. I don't know what the GS leader rules are, but I would say legally you have a leg to stand on in not including them.

On another level, it sounds like you are worried about what people will think of you. Are you trying to be all things to all people? No idea, but I don't know many people who would run themselves ragged and think twice about this. They are not healthy influences and your first obligation is to the regular members.

I get that there are larger issues with this family-but my ex and I only worked out our summer schedule this week. He needed to run some timing by his parents and was trying to get confirmation on some work travel before we locked things in. There are a lot of moving pieces.

That said, I don’t expect other people to wait for us if we’re slow. I just accept that sometimes the reality of being divorced means we miss out on things.

Anonymous wrote:Update: Suzie’s dad emailed that they were working on summer custody schedule and didn’t know if it would work yet but he would be happy to chaperone if so. I told him that we can’t facilitate male chaperones on this trip and that I was facing a deadline and it sounds like Suzie can’t be part of this. I mean, it’s clearly not a priority for them and it’s only 4 months away....how can they still have no idea what their custody schedule looks????

You have given them WAY more than enough notice, stop emailing them and just go about planning the trip. My son is in boy scouts. If you don’t respond to the first email about an activity, you may get one more and then they go on planning without you. Don’t give this any more of your mental energy. If Susie asks to join the week before, explain that it can’t happen.

Update: Suzie’s dad emailed that they were working on summer custody schedule and didn’t know if it would work yet but he would be happy to chaperone if so. I told him that we can’t facilitate male chaperones on this trip and that I was facing a deadline and it sounds like Suzie can’t be part of this. I mean, it’s clearly not a priority for them and it’s only 4 months away....how can they still have no idea what their custody schedule looks????

Anonymous wrote:Update: I sent them a final email Monday and did not get a response. I contacted council and waiting to hear back. We have a meeting this weekend so we'll see if they show up. Thanks for all of the advice.

Good luck and hope you all have a fun trip

Update: I sent them a final email Monday and did not get a response. I contacted council and waiting to hear back. We have a meeting this weekend so we'll see if they show up. Thanks for all of the advice.

OP, just know that being a volunteer is thankless, but that your time and energy means a lot to the girls, whether they realize it now or down the road.

I don’t think the moms having one glass of wine are the issue here. Although they should knock that off.

Just stop trying to contact and move on OP. Obviously Suzie has some deep seated issues, and her parents aren't responding. Move on OP, and plan something for everyone else.

Allowing Suzie to rampage in front of the other kids and letting her get away with things like stealing just provides a forum for the mom to continue what looks to be enabling behavior. And, the other kids will definitely know there is drinking going on and will have already shared that information with others. You are responsible for providing these adult and youth "role models" for the other kids to observe. You are probably also engaging in a subtle cover-up of the behavior, which casts a negative light on you. Why would you want to allow that kind of behavior to negatively impact your volunteer experience and the regard with which you are held by others? Of course there is always the outlandish liability problem that probably won't ever occur -- but yes, drunk people fall and hit their heads on the edges of pools and scar themselves or drown(or other things like that). I guess you are willing to be responsible for all that, so finest wishes on handling things. I wish I could be more cheery.