Anonymous wrote:Honest question- parents of big families do you worry about treating your kids and grandkids equally in their adulthoods. I notice that this may be difficult to navigate watching my inlaws deal with this.

This has not been much concern for me.
I am one of two. I have a big family and my brother is gay and no kids. We’re treated differently just based on this. Maybe this issue is somewhat magnified but even with two we say “you’re the favorite”.

Are they Quiverfull families?

Honest question- parents of big families do you worry about treating your kids and grandkids equally in their adulthoods. I notice that this may be difficult to navigate watching my inlaws deal with this.

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Anonymous wrote:It seems like a lot of rich women have 4 just because they can and to keep up with the Joneses. Why not pop out another one and let the nanny take care of it?

Why not have self-control and take in a foster kid who already exists instead? Save the environment.

You could apply that statement to first and second children, too. Unless you have none and have adopted foster children, you can stop.

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Anonymous wrote:I thought we were going away from huge families with the advent of birth control but I guess not.

None of my six kids were accidents, dear. We knew exactly what we were doing. What a stupid statement.

Did you want such a large family from the start?

Yes. Would have had more if not for age and complications.

Are you religious? Or have a farm?

No farm. As for being religious, it is defined as, “relating to or believing in a religion,” so yes. I’m sure you’d like to believe it means something different though so I’ll leave any conjecture up to you.

Do other people in your religion also have large families?

Does your religion encourage large families or discourage birth control? Does it play a factor at all in your family planning?

I see where you’re going, but there’s really no correlation. It’s somewhat offensive actually. We’re quite capable of controlling ourselves and not having kids, you know? We’ve chosen to have a large family.

How are those questions offensive? Family planning is an important part of some religions. ??

Do you use birth control now that you’re done having kids?

Anyone?

Is it really offensive to ask if your religion plays a role in your family planning?

Obviously it does for Catholics...not sure why PP overreacted to the question.

I believe she answered your question. She said “we are capable of controlling ourselves” but you just keep pushing. That indicates her children were not born because she didn’t/couldn’t/wouldn’t use birth control.

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Anonymous wrote:Hasidics and Mormons are the only groups I’m aware of that breed this radically.

You can’t possibly be proud of making that comment. Gross.

NP her statement is gross but the breeding by mormons and hasidics is to be celebrated?

Just stop. You don’t get to decide who has kids and who doesn’t. That’s not how it works here.

+1
So offensive.

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Anonymous wrote:I thought we were going away from huge families with the advent of birth control but I guess not.

None of my six kids were accidents, dear. We knew exactly what we were doing. What a stupid statement.

Did you want such a large family from the start?

Yes. Would have had more if not for age and complications.

Are you religious? Or have a farm?

No farm. As for being religious, it is defined as, “relating to or believing in a religion,” so yes. I’m sure you’d like to believe it means something different though so I’ll leave any conjecture up to you.

Do other people in your religion also have large families?

Does your religion encourage large families or discourage birth control? Does it play a factor at all in your family planning?

I see where you’re going, but there’s really no correlation. It’s somewhat offensive actually. We’re quite capable of controlling ourselves and not having kids, you know? We’ve chosen to have a large family.

How are those questions offensive? Family planning is an important part of some religions. ??

Do you use birth control now that you’re done having kids?

Anyone?

Is it really offensive to ask if your religion plays a role in your family planning?

Obviously it does for Catholics...not sure why PP overreacted to the question.

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Anonymous wrote:I grew up with 8 kids in my family (pre birth control). Back then, the Catholic Church told women if the husband wanted sex, it was their duty to have it. They were told "God will provide". If you haven't grown up in a big family you have no idea how hard it is. You are on your own. We were basic middle class...dad made "too much" for college loans but he would not pay even one dime for us to go to college. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

For those here bragging about having so many kids post birth control ...you are out of your minds. and, you are killing the environment having so many people.

In fairness, you are painting with a broad brush and being too harsh. My DH grew up in the exact same scenario (and for the same reasons)- 7 kids. His parents were middle class but did help with college. There were many many negatives- yes- but also many positives. For him, the negatives outweighed the positives (we have 3..and none of his siblings have more than 3 kids either). But- saying “you wouldn’t wish it on anyone” is a bit much.

Just trying to be a bit more moderate here- and I despise my ILs (and they despise me as well) but really- there are issues in every family. DH has an overall happier childhood that I did in my normal sized family.

People should ask the kids of big families ...not the braggy parents. The parents have no idea what it's like for the kids having to raise themselves. And, since there is ample birth control these days ... why would women want to go for this?

I’m the poster above whose DH grew up in a family of 7..

Why would women go for it these days? I am guessing because some women LOVE being PG, having babies and little ones around. I know several women like this- who just love love love kids. Most do not have a large family due to finances but if $ we’re not an object they’d have more kids. Definitely does not apply to me- at all- but surely you’ve met women like this?

None of DH’s siblings have more than 3 kids- which speaks for itself in a way. But I think people on here have the “negatives” of a large family wrong- at least from what my DH says.

Things he hated:
1- Lack of attention from his parents- he is one of the youngest and became an uncle at age 8! Then it was on to the grandkids..
2- Insular and always “family over individual” type parenting approach- DH is resentful about not being able to do a lot of things as a kid due to lack of time/resources (organized sports and such)- with that large of a family they couldn’t devote time to carting kids all over the place.
3- big age gap between siblings- was always weird for him and even in his 40s he is not close with his siblings who are a decade+ older. Also weird to have nephews nearly as old as he is
4- lots of drama, with so many people in the family. Lots of strange groups, pairings, and alliances among the siblings. Unequal treatment.
5- less interest in his life and our kids- his parents and older siblings have BTDT and are worn out. His siblings are grandparents now- in many cases- and don’t have much interest in playing aunt and uncle to our young kids

Things that were not an issue
1- $. It was tight and they did not pay in full for college and such but he is not resentful. These things are not unusual regardless of family size
2- being “raised by his siblings”- this just wasn’t the case at all. His older sisters would babysit occasionally but nothing unusual. They agree with this btw.

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Anonymous wrote:Hasidics and Mormons are the only groups I’m aware of that breed this radically.

You can’t possibly be proud of making that comment. Gross.

NP her statement is gross but the breeding by mormons and hasidics is to be celebrated?

Just stop. You don’t get to decide who has kids and who doesn’t. That’s not how it works here.

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Anonymous wrote:Hasidics and Mormons are the only groups I’m aware of that breed this radically.

You can’t possibly be proud of making that comment. Gross.

NP her statement is gross but the breeding by mormons and hasidics is to be celebrated?

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Anonymous wrote:We have five children. Three out of college. Two in college. One high school senior. I’m actually surprised by the mean-spirited posts. My adult children are successful, educated, contributing members of society. If anything, our country needs more children like mine. We are not wealthy be DC standards. Our HHI is about $200,000 a year. Our kids went to college on scholarships. We could not afford Ivy. They went to solid state schools. Another thing to consider - You have no idea how someone’s family was created. I have a close friend with eight children. She had three biological children and adopted five siblings through foster to adopt. They all look like biological siblings. I’m sure some of you would judge this beautiful family harshly.

Hate to pick on a fellow large family person here...but 5 =/= 3 + 2 + 1.... this is what happens to your brain on lots of kids

OMG! I gave myself an extra kid! Two out of college. Two in college. One at home. At least I didn’t leave one out...this time.

I know several 4-kid families who essentially had two sets of kids. Two close together, then a very long space of 10+ years and then two more. I don't think they're low on time, since they basically had two families with 2 kids.

Well I grew up an only child and we have 6 because I wanted to. And we are putting them through college, and we go to church, and we don’t live on a farm, and they’re all really bright and have jobs and all that, and I sometimes used birth control, and none of them “raised themselves” or each other, and we never had nannies, and we are comfortably middle class but not wealthy, and I have a college degree and have been in and out of the workforce and am not stupid or ignorant or any of the other nasty insulting things that some of you keep posting. Any other questions or do you just want to keep insulting me?

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with 8 kids in my family (pre birth control). Back then, the Catholic Church told women if the husband wanted sex, it was their duty to have it. They were told "God will provide". If you haven't grown up in a big family you have no idea how hard it is. You are on your own. We were basic middle class...dad made "too much" for college loans but he would not pay even one dime for us to go to college. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

For those here bragging about having so many kids post birth control ...you are out of your minds. and, you are killing the environment having so many people.

How old are you? I own several Catholic marriage manuals from the era before the Pill and none of the mention that. My parents also married right as the Pill was released and my mom remembers a nursing sister (nun) telling the young wives in the natural family plan course to avoid the pill because the hormones would blunt their desire for their husbands. Until recently, people thought that was hooey from the Church, but now that non-religious women are complaining, people are listening.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is hilarious. I personally know 3 families with 5 kids (2 in my hood), and one family in our neighborhood with TEN kids. Not a joke. It’s unbelievable. In a 1980’s split level.

It makes me sad. We can only have one. Is my kid going to be the weird one with all these over 3+ families?