Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue where I’m maxed out and dh travels a lot. My in-laws want us to visit every month on the only weekend dh ever has at home. I’m breastfeeding an infant so it’s not like dh can take the kids without me. Their ask is so out of bounds. They refuse to visit our much larger house with a dedicated guest room. At one point I was ready to divorce dh over it.

I don't think you can use breastfeeding an infant as an excuse to keep your in-laws away from your baby for months on end. If you *must* be with your baby 24/7 and can not pump milk for your husband to take with him on the visits then you either go with him on these visits or you open your home to your in-laws once a month or you meet them in a neutral place like a restaurant.

You can't set up an impossible scenario where your husband's parents can't get to know their grandkids because you are so, so tired and it is too much work. Your husband and your ILs would grow to resent the heck out of you. Luckily they are only little for a short time.

Eff you. I see my in-laws a lot. I just refuse to travel to them on the only weekend dh is home. They are more than welcome to visit when he’s gone or on the weekend he’s home. The kids are dying to see him and want that time with him. Surely it should be about the kids and not in-laws wants? If they really cared about my kids, they’d visit. They really care about dh more than my kids though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue where I’m maxed out and dh travels a lot. My in-laws want us to visit every month on the only weekend dh ever has at home. I’m breastfeeding an infant so it’s not like dh can take the kids without me. ThThey refuse to visit our much larger house with a dedicated guest room.eir ask is so out of bounds. At one point I was ready to divorce dh over it.

I don't think you can use breastfeeding an infant as an excuse to keep your in-laws away from your baby for months on end. If you *must* be with your baby 24/7 and can not pump milk for your husband to take with him on the visits then you either go with him on these visits or you open your home to your in-laws once a month or you meet them in a neutral place like a restaurant.

You can't set up an impossible scenario where your husband's parents can't get to know their grandkids because you are so, so tired and it is too much work. Your husband and your ILs would grow to resent the heck out of you. Luckily they are only little for a short time.

NP. Did you not read the above? In-laws aren't making the effort. Their only weekend together each month, with an infant, is definitely too much work in the above scenerio.

If the Op's husband is only home on one weekend out of the month and Op does not want to be the one dealing with the IL visits, then Op is going to have to "let" her dh take the kids to meet the in-laws at a restaurant (or wherever) for a couple of hours. Yes, the in-laws need to be the ones to travel and, yes, Op's dh needs to take the kid(s) out of the home to meet the in-laws - park, playground, nature center, mall, movie theater, restaurant - whatever may be an appropriate venue.

Op can spend 2 or 3 hours relaxing at home, Op's dh can get some one on one time with his kids and parents, the grandparents can establish a relationship with their grandkids.

OR the in-laws can come and take the kid(s) out themselves and spend some time with their grandchild(ren) while Op catches a break at home.

What they can't do is put op on the spot to make that long drive to see them once a month or expect Op to "host" them while they visit with their grandchildren. I sort of get the impression that these folks would expect a meal and for Op to sit and chat with them half the day as opposed to bringing a meal and entertaining the kids while Op gets a break. Op has too much on her plate to be expected to entertain the ILs like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will have grandchildren. Would you like to be blown off like this?

If I become a grandmother (Big IF because as it is not a requirement now a days nor should it be) I will have a life if my own and not sitting around waiting for other to fill MY time and entertain me. Get a life folks!

Dp. Then guess what? Your kids will complain that you never see the grandkids because you are too busy traveling the world and you don't love them or you would visit. Either way you will get criticized.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue where I’m maxed out and dh travels a lot. My in-laws want us to visit every month on the only weekend dh ever has at home. I’m breastfeeding an infant so it’s not like dh can take the kids without me. ThThey refuse to visit our much larger house with a dedicated guest room.eir ask is so out of bounds. At one point I was ready to divorce dh over it.

I don't think you can use breastfeeding an infant as an excuse to keep your in-laws away from your baby for months on end. If you *must* be with your baby 24/7 and can not pump milk for your husband to take with him on the visits then you either go with him on these visits or you open your home to your in-laws once a month or you meet them in a neutral place like a restaurant.

You can't set up an impossible scenario where your husband's parents can't get to know their grandkids because you are so, so tired and it is too much work. Your husband and your ILs would grow to resent the heck out of you. Luckily they are only little for a short time.

NP. Did you not read the above? In-laws aren't making the effort. Their only weekend together each month, with an infant, is definitely too much work in the above scenerio.

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue where I’m maxed out and dh travels a lot. My in-laws want us to visit every month on the only weekend dh ever has at home. I’m breastfeeding an infant so it’s not like dh can take the kids without me. Their ask is so out of bounds. They refuse to visit our much larger house with a dedicated guest room. At one point I was ready to divorce dh over it.

I don't think you can use breastfeeding an infant as an excuse to keep your in-laws away from your baby for months on end. If you *must* be with your baby 24/7 and can not pump milk for your husband to take with him on the visits then you either go with him on these visits or you open your home to your in-laws once a month or you meet them in a neutral place like a restaurant.

You can't set up an impossible scenario where your husband's parents can't get to know their grandkids because you are so, so tired and it is too much work. Your husband and your ILs would grow to resent the heck out of you. Luckily they are only little for a short time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue where I’m maxed out and dh travels a lot. My in-laws want us to visit every month on the only weekend dh ever has at home. I’m breastfeeding an infant so it’s not like dh can take the kids without me. Their ask is so out of bounds. They refuse to visit our much larger house with a dedicated guest room. At one point I was ready to divorce dh over it.

I don't get this at all. If my DH ever came to me and said he would divorce me if I made time in my life to see my parents or to have my family involved in my life...I would find him abusive and controlling. I love that my kids have grandparents and we welcome both sets into their lives. I can't imagine telling DH that his family wanting to be in contact with him and our kids is divorce worthy You all are nasty, spiteful, self-centered people.

You’d spend your only weekend with dh at his parents house every single month? You never want to have family time with your dh? Why did you even bother getting married?

Note, she has an infant that she cares for almost exclusively on her own. The only weekend her DH is home, her ILs want them to take on a huge project of visiting - driving, staying in a cramped house and all associates stress.

The older generation can be so incredibly selfish towards young parents, it’s truly unbelievable. The DHs who just can’t say no to their parents are pathetic too. They’d rather dump everything on their wives. It’s really depressing how women get completely dehumanized by inlaws. It’s as if their only purpose is to be an incubator for grandchildren and a workhorse for the extended family.

Asking to be treated as a human being is too much for these types.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue where I’m maxed out and dh travels a lot. My in-laws want us to visit every month on the only weekend dh ever has at home. I’m breastfeeding an infant so it’s not like dh can take the kids without me. Their ask is so out of bounds. They refuse to visit our much larger house with a dedicated guest room. At one point I was ready to divorce dh over it.

I don't get this at all. If my DH ever came to me and said he would divorce me if I made time in my life to see my parents or to have my family involved in my life...I would find him abusive and controlling. I love that my kids have grandparents and we welcome both sets into their lives. I can't imagine telling DH that his family wanting to be in contact with him and our kids is divorce worthy You all are nasty, spiteful, self-centered people.

You’d spend your only weekend with dh at his parents house every single month? You never want to have family time with your dh? Why did you even bother getting married?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue where I’m maxed out and dh travels a lot. My in-laws want us to visit every month on the only weekend dh ever has at home. I’m breastfeeding an infant so it’s not like dh can take the kids without me. Their ask is so out of bounds. They refuse to visit our much larger house with a dedicated guest room. At one point I was ready to divorce dh over it.

I don't get this at all. If my DH ever came to me and said he would divorce me if I made time in my life to see my parents or to have my family involved in my life...I would find him abusive and controlling. I love that my kids have grandparents and we welcome both sets into their lives. I can't imagine telling DH that his family wanting to be in contact with him and our kids is divorce worthy You all are nasty, spiteful, self-centered people.

Says MIL.

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue where I’m maxed out and dh travels a lot. My in-laws want us to visit every month on the only weekend dh ever has at home. I’m breastfeeding an infant so it’s not like dh can take the kids without me. Their ask is so out of bounds. They refuse to visit our much larger house with a dedicated guest room. At one point I was ready to divorce dh over it.

I don't get this at all. If my DH ever came to me and said he would divorce me if I made time in my life to see my parents or to have my family involved in my life...I would find him abusive and controlling. I love that my kids have grandparents and we welcome both sets into their lives. I can't imagine telling DH that his family wanting to be in contact with him and our kids is divorce worthy You all are nasty, spiteful, self-centered people.

I have a similar issue where I’m maxed out and dh travels a lot. My in-laws want us to visit every month on the only weekend dh ever has at home. I’m breastfeeding an infant so it’s not like dh can take the kids without me. Their ask is so out of bounds. They refuse to visit our much larger house with a dedicated guest room. At one point I was ready to divorce dh over it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That OP has ignored every suggestion to invite MIL over suggests it was never about driving and instead is about OP not really liking her MIL enough to spend time with her.

You have selectively ignored every time a people explained that blocking out a day out of the weekend for her MIL to visit is also a lot of work. It’s time consuming to get the house ready, make food and basically devote a day to entertaining your MIL. Because get real, if MIL is driving 2 hours to OP’s house - she’s staying all day.

OP needs a break - not another task in her to-do list.

I don't do any of this when my MIL is coming over.

NP. I do; I clean and offer food whenever I know anyone is coming over. I would be mortified to open my door to a guest with a messy home. If someone dropped my, that would be different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That OP has ignored every suggestion to invite MIL over suggests it was never about driving and instead is about OP not really liking her MIL enough to spend time with her.

You have selectively ignored every time a people explained that blocking out a day out of the weekend for her MIL to visit is also a lot of work. It’s time consuming to get the house ready, make food and basically devote a day to entertaining your MIL. Because get real, if MIL is driving 2 hours to OP’s house - she’s staying all day.

OP needs a break - not another task in her to-do list.

I don't do any of this when my MIL is coming over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When DH is traveling, I’d be annoyed if she asked me to drive 2 hours to drop off the kids. I work FT, deal with kid’s appointments/activities, and you want me to drop them off? No.

This is the issue. To everyone defending the MIL asking because she’s saying “when is it convenient?” there is no good time to add a 2 + hour drive to your list of things to do when you’re taking care if the kids alone. It’s like asking someone “When is a convenient time for you to come over and clean my house?”

Just because you ask politely doesn’t make it any less rude.

Yes, it absolutely makes it not rude. You are being idiotic if you admit she's being polite and still call it rude. And OP is free to say, just as politely, "Unfortunately, I can't really fit driving there into my schedule. We can (meet halfway? invite MIL over? Wait until DH gets back? Have DC stay there for the weekend?)

There are a TON of possibilities other than complaining about MIL who is DOING NOTHING WRONG BY LOVING HER GRANDCHILDREN!

Calm down. -np

You’re right. I don’t know why it’s so aggravating to me- I’m not even a grandparent. Maybe because I have sons and I fear one day being in that horrible MIL land where nothing you do is acceptable, even politely asking to see your grandkids. I don’t blame OP for not wanting to drive 2 hours, but I’m dumbfounded where even the polite ask is considered rude.

Grandparent should ask when her son is home. If you knew a friend was maxed out and had too much on her plate, would you ask her to do you a favor and drive you multiple hours?

Seems like OP has never come back to answer any questions about her kid's age or whether the trip to MIL is 2 hours one way or round trip. Or whether MIL can come to her.

Anonymous wrote:That OP has ignored every suggestion to invite MIL over suggests it was never about driving and instead is about OP not really liking her MIL enough to spend time with her.

You have selectively ignored every time a people explained that blocking out a day out of the weekend for her MIL to visit is also a lot of work. It’s time consuming to get the house ready, make food and basically devote a day to entertaining your MIL. Because get real, if MIL is driving 2 hours to OP’s house - she’s staying all day.

OP needs a break - not another task in her to-do list.