Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents don't raise their own kids and the places they ship them off to (daycare, after school care, etc) have an interest in keeping the kids developmentally stunted. They're told to not think for themselves, just follow the rules, don't do anything out of the ordinary, etc. Those kids never learn to be safe on their own and use good judgement.

When we were younger, we were walking home by ourselves before 10 years old, even looking after younger siblings, and looking after ourselves at home until parents got home from work. We roamed the neighborhoods on bikes. All of this developed independences and generally also better judgement as the kids got older.

This is a laughably ignorant take on the issue.

Meh, I realize this is a mommy wars topic but I don't think that person is wrong about the quality of most after care programs, which aren't good.

Mostly free for alls in the gym with a ton of kids for every adult.

Agree 1000%

Hmm. I will agree that there is often too little supervision, but to your other point — free for all’s in the gym — I say GOOD. I don’t want my kids doing anything super structured after school. It’s GOOD for our kids to use their imagination and not have every second of the day curated by adults. Especially after school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has mentioned the amazing brain research that shows 80% of a child’s brain is wired by age 3 and 90% by age 5. It suddenly seems very important to invest in “quality time” at an age when, in previous generations, kids were still assumed to be blobs.

This is a really good point. It’s the main reason I outsource a lot and spend most of the time I’m at home engaged with my DD instead of cooking/cleaning. Once she hits elementary school, I’ll start to pick up more housework again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My parents were the same generation as yours and they definitely were reading books about parenting. I remember seeing the Dr. Spock book and at least two others whose names and authors I don’t remember. I was the oldest kid, so I remember my parents reading these books as my younger siblings were born.

Dr. Spock, that bastard, ruined a whole generation of parents. My parents were born in 50s and I was born in 75. They read Dr. Spock who preached that they would spoil kids if you picked a baby up when it cried and in general there was a fear of spoiling a kid.

My parents worked very hard and were not home most of the day and when they were home they did chores. I got little attention from my parents. They never played with me. From the elementary school age I walked to school and back and was home alone with a latch key.

We spent our days playing outside, roaming streets, etc. I think it was neglectful to let little kids roam around like that, I had a couple of close calls. I learnt to rely on myself only and also didn't feel loved. I resented lack of direction from my parents, especially when it came to education and college.

I ended up doing well, but I'm doing x 100 more for my DC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The shift was caused by the number of children. When families typically had 3-4 or 6 or 8 kids, they were valuable collectively but less individually. Now families have 1 or 2 kids and each is very valuable, and therefore receives a larger parental investment of time, money, and other resources.

Kids were less valuable individually? That’s incredibly stupid thinking.

Parents may have had less time for each kid individually, but they didn’t value them less.

I know a few families with a large # of kids (Catholics) and the youngest kids were definitely NOT valued.


BIRTH CONTROL gave families the means to have fewer kids and value them more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The shift was caused by the number of children. When families typically had 3-4 or 6 or 8 kids, they were valuable collectively but less individually. Now families have 1 or 2 kids and each is very valuable, and therefore receives a larger parental investment of time, money, and other resources.

Kids were less valuable individually? That’s incredibly stupid thinking.

Parents may have had less time for each kid individually, but they didn’t value them less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents don't raise their own kids anymore. So they want to spend more time with them when they are around.

I assume you refer to a decrease in the number of SAHMs?
I grew up in a lower middle class area. Out of my graduating class from high school, I can count on one hand the number of kids who had a SAHP for any significant amount of time. As children, we were all in daycare, after school care, or being watched by a babysitter or grandparent. Both parents worked to make ends meet. This isn't some new thing.

Agree

Anonymous wrote:The shift was caused by the number of children. When families typically had 3-4 or 6 or 8 kids, they were valuable collectively but less individually. Now families have 1 or 2 kids and each is very valuable, and therefore receives a larger parental investment of time, money, and other resources.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has mentioned the amazing brain research that shows 80% of a child’s brain is wired by age 3 and 90% by age 5. It suddenly seems very important to invest in “quality time” at an age when, in previous generations, kids were still assumed to be blobs.

This is a really good point. It’s the main reason I outsource a lot and spend most of the time I’m at home engaged with my DD instead of cooking/cleaning. Once she hits elementary school, I’ll start to pick up more housework again.

Good luck with that. Once your child sees you as their personal entertainer, it’s hard to go back.

Anonymous wrote:I'm Gen X with teens, and what I see is too many Millennial parents not adjusting to being parents. As in, they want someone else to do the heavy lifting on this whole parenting thing.

I've been outside gardening and overheard Millennial parents tell their kids to "shut up" as they stared at their phones on the walk home from the bus stop, as if they're somehow angry they have to parent their own kids. It is just so strange. It is at if many Millennial couples are constantly at war as to who is "stuck" with the kids today.

It's time for some parents to grow up.

Anonymous wrote:I was born in the 80s and both my immigrant parents worked a lot, so I was with one set of grandparents and with babysitters a LOT. I don’t actually remember my parents ever actually playing with me, but I know they read to me and bought me books and I remember going out for pizza and snacks with my mom. The big treat was going grocery shopping because we were always allowed one small treat. I remember playing with other kids and running around outside with just kids and no adults for hours. On weekends we visited close uncles and aunts and cousins.

I sometimes cringe and have to catch myself from spoiling my 3 year old only child. I SAH and we make 200k so not scraping by but not very very well off. I try to limit trips to Target and Dollar Store and I make a point of saying no when we could financially afford to say yes. I try not to be that mom who makes A Starbucks trip every day. We have zero family in the area and go to a large church and we aren’t very close to any other families/friends so I often worry my child is missing out on the “village” aspect of childhood I had.

Anonymous wrote:

My parents were the same generation as yours and they definitely were reading books about parenting. I remember seeing the Dr. Spock book and at least two others whose names and authors I don’t remember. I was the oldest kid, so I remember my parents reading these books as my younger siblings were born.