My parents did a version of this - one sibling of 5 getting their vacation home. Absolutely my parents choice, their money but what this did was create a rift among the kids. This is probably not the legacy they intended (half so pissed not talking and if I mistakenly mention speaking to one side I'm taking sides....) This ended up especially ugly as this sibling didn't help with day to day care in last years but because they expressed intent of resettling at vacation home location which most of us knew wasn't going to happen and didn't-and the house was on market and sold as soon as out of escrow (almost 1million): rest of estate (<$1mil) split 5 ways.

I want anything I leave to add to my kids to add to their life not create strife between them.

It is my experience that people like OP never see anyone's work or point of view other than their own. One of my aunts (mom's side) and one uncle(dad's side) are like this. They think that everything belongs to them even though they rarely came to aid of their own parents in older age. In fact, aunt refused to sell the farm after grandparents passed as the price was not right, and she would only agree to it if she got all the money from the sale. The land and the house is now rotting away. I know OP is claiming to be the exact opposite of this, but we can all see this for what it is. OP doesn't live with her parents and has no idea that her brother is or is not helping them a ton. Nor could my aunt and uncle ever see anything like this. Uncle's own mother( my grandma) lived with my parents and towards the end needed immense care, falling down, seizures, you name it. There was no inheritance at all. Uncle accused my dad and mom of taking advantage of grandma's monthly welfare!!(in my country back then this was equivalent to less than $10 per month!!) and when he was called to take her to the hospital when my dad was away and mom could not lift grandma up, he refused and told mom that they are scheming to kill grandma, by sending her to hospital, for money! What money? My parents supported her for 30 years!

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that none of this is OP’s business. It’s the parents’ money and they can do whatever the hell they want with it.

“That greedy bit*h!” is what OP’s brother is probably thinking. If the situation is reversed, somehow, I don’t think OP would have any issues. Fairness my a$$.

The bottom line is that none of this is OP’s business. It’s the parents’ money and they can do whatever the hell they want with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. Unless they hire stuff out (like lawn care, minor updates) he will soon take those tasks over day to day. As they age, they will need more and more from him. He will likely eventually be the shopper, the driver and various other small tasks. That means you don’t have to take on those things (or have them have to decide if they need to seek their home) plus removes the worry of them being alone when one dies. Worth it.

Doubtful that he'll take anything on. He's used to being paid for, cooked for and cleaned up after. Dude probably doesn't lift a finger to help. Odds are the only thing he does is buy beer with his allowance money and has friends over to play video games with him in the basement.

We have no idea, it is all conjecture. He won’t have a choice eventually. It would be rare to have someone at 90 who is still managing all the tasks of a maintaining a large home. Either he will take more on, or they will downsize or need some level of assisted living. One of the will eventually die, which changes the dynamic in a huge way. If the parents are the type to dragged out of their home with a fight, then having him there may mean they never have to face that situation.

Having dealt with this personally, having someone onsite and knowing the final parent is not alone is worth a ton. If he steps up it will also save his parents money by being able to stay in their own home.

Op has no choice in this situation, so they may as well focus on the positives. Some of the potential benefit isn’t as obvious right now.

His choice will be to let the house dilapidate and parents be neglected. You’ve obviously never met someone like this. Of course, I’m projecting. I’m the poster who’s dad ran up his 90 year old mother’s credit. Your assuming OP’s brother operates under the same moral code as you.

We are all projecting based on one-sided story. Some more so than others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. Unless they hire stuff out (like lawn care, minor updates) he will soon take those tasks over day to day. As they age, they will need more and more from him. He will likely eventually be the shopper, the driver and various other small tasks. That means you don’t have to take on those things (or have them have to decide if they need to seek their home) plus removes the worry of them being alone when one dies. Worth it.

Doubtful that he'll take anything on. He's used to being paid for, cooked for and cleaned up after. Dude probably doesn't lift a finger to help. Odds are the only thing he does is buy beer with his allowance money and has friends over to play video games with him in the basement.

We have no idea, it is all conjecture. He won’t have a choice eventually. It would be rare to have someone at 90 who is still managing all the tasks of a maintaining a large home. Either he will take more on, or they will downsize or need some level of assisted living. One of the will eventually die, which changes the dynamic in a huge way. If the parents are the type to dragged out of their home with a fight, then having him there may mean they never have to face that situation.

Having dealt with this personally, having someone onsite and knowing the final parent is not alone is worth a ton. If he steps up it will also save his parents money by being able to stay in their own home.

Op has no choice in this situation, so they may as well focus on the positives. Some of the potential benefit isn’t as obvious right now.

His choice will be to let the house dilapidate and parents be neglected. You’ve obviously never met someone like this. Of course, I’m projecting. I’m the poster who’s dad ran up his 90 year old mother’s credit. Your assuming OP’s brother operates under the same moral code as you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The brother is living with the parents and helping take care of them. He is, no doubt, doing far more for the parents than OP or the other siblings are. I think OP underestimates how much work is involved and how much better off the parents and the whole family are just by the brother being there. The brother deserves the house.

What fairytale world do you live in? The idea that a 50 year old man living with his parents (who are paying his bills and supporting him) is somehow a CAREGIVER is quite a stretch.

This. Lol.

I come from a world where my 50 year old brother lives with my mother (my father being long deceased) and his siblings and I are extraordinarily grateful. I also come from a world where my brother's ex-wife, also in her 50s, lived with her mother (with Alzheimer's) for years and her siblings are grateful.

Even if the brother is a f*ck up, there are intangible benefits to having him living with elderly parents. And remember, his relationship with his parents is different than his relationship with his siblings. Note that the OP isn't saying her parents don't like him living with them or want him gone. No doubt they like having him there.

And in the end it's THEIR money.

They like having him there because they like controlling his life. They’ve never learned to let go and created a man-child that society will have to take care of once they’re gone.

Yes, it’s their money, but that doesn’t mean their behavior is right.

OMG! Are you serious? Who made you moral cop?

We’re all on here moralizing. Why are you here?

wut?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. Unless they hire stuff out (like lawn care, minor updates) he will soon take those tasks over day to day. As they age, they will need more and more from him. He will likely eventually be the shopper, the driver and various other small tasks. That means you don’t have to take on those things (or have them have to decide if they need to seek their home) plus removes the worry of them being alone when one dies. Worth it.

Doubtful that he'll take anything on. He's used to being paid for, cooked for and cleaned up after. Dude probably doesn't lift a finger to help. Odds are the only thing he does is buy beer with his allowance money and has friends over to play video games with him in the basement.

We have no idea, it is all conjecture. He won’t have a choice eventually. It would be rare to have someone at 90 who is still managing all the tasks of a maintaining a large home. Either he will take more on, or they will downsize or need some level of assisted living. One of the will eventually die, which changes the dynamic in a huge way. If the parents are the type to dragged out of their home with a fight, then having him there may mean they never have to face that situation.

Having dealt with this personally, having someone onsite and knowing the final parent is not alone is worth a ton. If he steps up it will also save his parents money by being able to stay in their own home.

Op has no choice in this situation, so they may as well focus on the positives. Some of the potential benefit isn’t as obvious right now.

This must be op of brother is divorced and staying with mom and his two teen kids and he choose to not work anymore. However, one thread said he had over 350k saved and that he was around 40.

My family gave one sibling, a sibling with a PhD (edu pd. by parents) money all the time. 25k GIFT recently for an issue one sibling had. Trips paid for. We have less education (not paid by parents). We have more children including a disabled child. We asked for a loan once and paid back every penny. They gave another sibling a 40k gift. It just hurts because we are struggling with no end in sight.

Anonymous wrote:Meh. Unless they hire stuff out (like lawn care, minor updates) he will soon take those tasks over day to day. As they age, they will need more and more from him. He will likely eventually be the shopper, the driver and various other small tasks. That means you don’t have to take on those things (or have them have to decide if they need to seek their home) plus removes the worry of them being alone when one dies. Worth it.

Doubtful that he'll take anything on. He's used to being paid for, cooked for and cleaned up after. Dude probably doesn't lift a finger to help. Odds are the only thing he does is buy beer with his allowance money and has friends over to play video games with him in the basement.

Meh. Unless they hire stuff out (like lawn care, minor updates) he will soon take those tasks over day to day. As they age, they will need more and more from him. He will likely eventually be the shopper, the driver and various other small tasks. That means you don’t have to take on those things (or have them have to decide if they need to seek their home) plus removes the worry of them being alone when one dies. Worth it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

So this is a hypothetical and no one is dead?

My father figured out a way to support his youngest daughter, my sister -- in a fair way.

She will receive 1/4 of his estate, probably about 1M$, so an equal division. A monthly allowance will be determined and rec'd by her from her inheritance. My brother, the eldest, will be the executor of the estate. If she needs more $ for whatever reason, the 3 other siblings of which I am one must all agree for her to get the extra $.

This is being done as she is a train wreck with no money sense. None of us want to support her in her old age, so we feel this is a good decision.

Seems odd that parents would leave the child who is the WORST at managing money and their life the most.

My sister is aware of the plan and is just glad she will not have to manage the money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The brother is living with the parents and helping take care of them. He is, no doubt, doing far more for the parents than OP or the other siblings are. I think OP underestimates how much work is involved and how much better off the parents and the whole family are just by the brother being there. The brother deserves the house.

What fairytale world do you live in? The idea that a 50 year old man living with his parents (who are paying his bills and supporting him) is somehow a CAREGIVER is quite a stretch.

This. Lol.

I come from a world where my 50 year old brother lives with my mother (my father being long deceased) and his siblings and I are extraordinarily grateful. I also come from a world where my brother's ex-wife, also in her 50s, lived with her mother (with Alzheimer's) for years and her siblings are grateful.

Even if the brother is a f*ck up, there are intangible benefits to having him living with elderly parents. And remember, his relationship with his parents is different than his relationship with his siblings. Note that the OP isn't saying her parents don't like him living with them or want him gone. No doubt they like having him there.

And in the end it's THEIR money.

They like having him there because they like controlling his life. They’ve never learned to let go and created a man-child that society will have to take care of once they’re gone.

Yes, it’s their money, but that doesn’t mean their behavior is right.

OMG! Are you serious? Who made you moral cop?

NP here. I don’t know what alternate reality you live in but favoring one child over another is just flat out wrong. It’s morally and ethically wrong.

No matter what you tell yourself, it is wrong.

I suspect the PP you’re responding to is another deadbeat which is why they’re defending the parents’ behavior.