Anonymous
01/22/2020 11:43
Subject: When and why did your friends get divorced?
I can’t think of any acquaintances my age (50) who were married before 27 and remained together more than 20 years.
Early to mid 40s has been the most common age to end marriages in my circle. Of the people I know well, one marriage sadly ended because of the dh’s functional alcoholism, one is ending because the wife is an all around demanding, difficult person who has made it hard for the dh to transition to a well paying job that he actually wants as opposed to the one that pays the most, one ended dramatically with accusations of dishonesty and controlling behavior, and one ended a few years after the death of a child.
I peripherally know many other marriages that have dissolved for reasons unknown to me. The least acrimonious couples have waited until the kids are older to part ways.
Early to mid 40s has been the most common age to end marriages in my circle. Of the people I know well, one marriage sadly ended because of the dh’s functional alcoholism, one is ending because the wife is an all around demanding, difficult person who has made it hard for the dh to transition to a well paying job that he actually wants as opposed to the one that pays the most, one ended dramatically with accusations of dishonesty and controlling behavior, and one ended a few years after the death of a child.
I peripherally know many other marriages that have dissolved for reasons unknown to me. The least acrimonious couples have waited until the kids are older to part ways.
Anonymous
01/22/2020 11:20
Subject: When and why did your friends get divorced?
Mental illness in husband. He would not get help or behavioral therapy. Even w an Dx and tons of examples from many people around him he was right, they and the doctors were wrong.
Anonymous
01/22/2020 11:20
Subject: When and why did your friends get divorced?
Some I know of:
1 - had an affair with their boss (they worked together). He's remarried with a kid. Don't know what happened to her.
2 - failure to launch type thing; he wanted a weird artsy freelance career and never acknowledged that he needed to grow up to have a family; also drug issues
3 - infidelity but she was obsessed with social climbing to the extent that she moved the kids away from him to go to a fancier school etc - he cheated but she obviously didn't value the marriage
1 - had an affair with their boss (they worked together). He's remarried with a kid. Don't know what happened to her.
2 - failure to launch type thing; he wanted a weird artsy freelance career and never acknowledged that he needed to grow up to have a family; also drug issues
3 - infidelity but she was obsessed with social climbing to the extent that she moved the kids away from him to go to a fancier school etc - he cheated but she obviously didn't value the marriage
Anonymous
01/22/2020 10:54
Subject: When and why did your friends get divorced?
No one in my circle have been divorced. Most of them are in their 40s, and all of them have kids. Not sure how their marriages are behind closed doors. Only one complains regularly about her DH
Anonymous
01/22/2020 09:55
Subject: When and why did your friends get divorced?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most likely the men got tired of a sexless marriage. I see more and more waiting until kids are off to college rear way they are not paying hold support with little to no custody or visitation.
What? Men can get 50/50 if they want and if they are willing to make effort to keep their 50/50 (i.e. adjust work hours to accommodate kids schedules).
I think what you are referring to is a situation when dads don’t want to make compromises to keep the 50/50 and then complain that they have to pay more because other parent has kids more.
This.
+2. Some men know that they would have to do a lot more child-related work resulting in their careers and free time suffering, so they hang in there to let the wife do it until the kids age out.
Anonymous
01/12/2020 23:23
Subject: When and why did your friends get divorced?
Anonymous wrote:Divorce 1: husband is a malignant narcissist. I’ve known him for years and can’t imagine he wasn’t abusive. She’s remarried.
Divorce 2: husband got involved in a specific sexual subculture that the wife wasn’t interested in. She tried it out but it didn’t work for him. He left.
Divorce 3: not sure. She was always very critical of him. Maybe he got sick of it or maybe she did.
which one?
Anonymous
01/12/2020 23:10
Subject: When and why did your friends get divorced?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:^meant to say my mom
Wow married at 17 if my math is correct.
That took a lot of courage.
Started dating at 17, married at 28
Anonymous
01/12/2020 15:57
Subject: Re:When and why did your friends get divorced?
One divorce was the guy stopped having sex with her and we are pretty sure he is gay.
The other two were probably infidelity, at least seems that way since the men were living with younger women within weeks of separation
The other two were probably infidelity, at least seems that way since the men were living with younger women within weeks of separation
Anonymous
01/12/2020 00:04
Subject: When and why did your friends get divorced?
One broke up due to the strain of infertility. One partner wanted to keep going at all costs despite repeat failures and the other preferred to remain child-free, even if not-by-choice, over continuing to try.
The other is murkier. I know the DW. She's a wonderful person. The DH was not a close friend, but based the fact that he touched my bottom every time he had too much to drink (like, black-out drunk), I suspect alcoholism, narcissism, and infidelity. He announced a new gf within weeks of separation. It still pains me to see her hurting over such a complete toad.
In the third case, the DW cheated for years and years. She left the marriage for her AP but blamed the DH. He has not told the kids about the affair or the role it played in the divorce and she let him take the fall for it all. He's remarried.
The rest of our friends are still married in their 40s-60s. All of them married very late (over 35, typically).
The other is murkier. I know the DW. She's a wonderful person. The DH was not a close friend, but based the fact that he touched my bottom every time he had too much to drink (like, black-out drunk), I suspect alcoholism, narcissism, and infidelity. He announced a new gf within weeks of separation. It still pains me to see her hurting over such a complete toad.
In the third case, the DW cheated for years and years. She left the marriage for her AP but blamed the DH. He has not told the kids about the affair or the role it played in the divorce and she let him take the fall for it all. He's remarried.
The rest of our friends are still married in their 40s-60s. All of them married very late (over 35, typically).
Anonymous
12/26/2019 23:46
Subject: When and why did your friends get divorced?
Mostly infidelity. All marriages were 15+ years.
Anonymous
12/26/2019 21:20
Subject: Re:When and why did your friends get divorced?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My WOHM girlfriend was the primary breadwinner (and for most part she was the sole breadwinner). She disliked being married to her DH. She had an affair with a womanizer at work, believed that he would leave his wife and she divorced her DH. Later on she found that her AP was having affairs with 3 more women. She really managed to mess up her kids and break her family.
Another SAHM DW we knew was having an affair with a SAHD. She thought that the affair was love. Divorced her high earning DH who had no clue what went wrong. AP disappeared because no one wants to marry 40 yr old women with two kids. Kids are very messed up. DH who was cheated on, started dating shady women. He is in some trouble now.
A WOHM DW was having an affair with her DH's friend. Both married with kids. She got caught and she decided to divorce. She lost custody and has to pay alimony to her ex-DH. KIds are very messed up.
WOH DW was being abused my her DH. She was sick of being beaten. She divorced him. Now married to a nice guy and has a kid.
How is it possible to have so many loser friends?
Ha ha! Right? Growing up I did not know of any one who was divorced. I immigrated here in my 20s. and I have met all these people at work who are divorced. Things are changing in my country of origin as well. I am hearing more and more marriages breaking - usually it is abuse, addiction and adultery. I have not heard of people divorcing for other reasons.
I’d take that post with a grain of salt. The PP has a lot of stereotypes running.
I got married at 44 despite being divorced with two kids. Met DH around 40. He was 44, then. We dated a few years and he was ready to get married after a year. I was the reluctant one. I was pretty sure there was no reason to ruin a perfectly good relationship with marriage
Anonymous
12/26/2019 21:03
Subject: When and why did your friends get divorced?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most likely the men got tired of a sexless marriage. I see more and more waiting until kids are off to college rear way they are not paying hold support with little to no custody or visitation.
It’s year 2020. By default, men get joint custody. And unless the wife is unskilled and unemployable, there would be little to no child support: each is equally supporting the children while in custody.
You’d be surprised how many men pay the support to not deal with the child. Literally using the child as a bartering tool. And 50/50 is rare for minorities.
Anonymous
12/26/2019 18:40
Subject: Re:When and why did your friends get divorced?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s and agree that many of the divorces come out of the woods when the middle school years start. A couple that were surprising. Not aware of any addictions, but yes to dead bedrooms and infidelity. My guess is people neglect their spouses when kids are little. As the ghost of Christmas future to you young parents, keep the sex and intimacy going at all costs unless you want to join the club
You are actually reading that wrong. You are assuming all the couples who stayed together had lots of sex during the crazy difficult kid years. The truth is that the difference is not in having sex or not, but in couples understanding each other needs and that short term problems are just that, short term. For better or worse, you gotta roll through the tough times. People who bail because the child years are tough, didn't understand that for better or worse meant there would be hard times.
No actually there is a strong correlation between couples who don’t have sex leading to divorce. Why would you claim otherwise? Having children does not prevent a normal active sex life so why do you depict this as an expected thing when it’s actually a major sign the marriage is in trouble?
Where is that research or is this just something you "know"?
google "what is the #1 cause for divorce" and the answer: sexual infidelity... which is a politically correct way of saying "one of the spouses does not want sex, so the other goes elsewhere in order to save their marriage"
and what about YOUR assertion: where are the facts supporting that sexless marriages are equally successful as normal marriages with normal sex?
Haha! If they are attending to their own sexual needs outside of their marriage, they most certainly aren't trying to "save their marriage"; they are more accurately trying to get laid, in secret, and as a result get served.
Anonymous
12/26/2019 18:39
Subject: Re:When and why did your friends get divorced?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My WOHM girlfriend was the primary breadwinner (and for most part she was the sole breadwinner). She disliked being married to her DH. She had an affair with a womanizer at work, believed that he would leave his wife and she divorced her DH. Later on she found that her AP was having affairs with 3 more women. She really managed to mess up her kids and break her family.
Another SAHM DW we knew was having an affair with a SAHD. She thought that the affair was love. Divorced her high earning DH who had no clue what went wrong. AP disappeared because no one wants to marry 40 yr old women with two kids. Kids are very messed up. DH who was cheated on, started dating shady women. He is in some trouble now.
A WOHM DW was having an affair with her DH's friend. Both married with kids. She got caught and she decided to divorce. She lost custody and has to pay alimony to her ex-DH. KIds are very messed up.
WOH DW was being abused my her DH. She was sick of being beaten. She divorced him. Now married to a nice guy and has a kid.
How is it possible to have so many loser friends?
Ha ha! Right? Growing up I did not know of any one who was divorced. I immigrated here in my 20s. and I have met all these people at work who are divorced. Things are changing in my country of origin as well. I am hearing more and more marriages breaking - usually it is abuse, addiction and adultery. I have not heard of people divorcing for other reasons.
Anonymous
12/26/2019 17:10
Subject: When and why did your friends get divorced?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most likely the men got tired of a sexless marriage. I see more and more waiting until kids are off to college rear way they are not paying hold support with little to no custody or visitation.
What? Men can get 50/50 if they want and if they are willing to make effort to keep their 50/50 (i.e. adjust work hours to accommodate kids schedules).
I think what you are referring to is a situation when dads don’t want to make compromises to keep the 50/50 and then complain that they have to pay more because other parent has kids more.
This.