^to be clear, there were periods when kids were growing up that there was a sexless period. Those were tough times on both of us because life was tough. I think we are both strong headed which can be good when you want something to happen. We both knew that infidelity is not something we are not built for and not something we can live within ourselves. We just barreled through life to arrive to where we are now. This is a cycle in life that I hear about all the time on this board but you don’t hear that you can come through it at which time you will appreciate your life together. My respect and appreciation for my husband has never been higher for all that he is and has been.

Only reason I’m saying this is so that you don’t think that we’re unicorns and everything was always easy and great. It’s just that we couldn’t look at ourselves/kids/family in the eye if we did cheat. Most family/friends are like us (not all).

Anonymous wrote:^ not sure why this black and white comment comes up. It’s irrelevant to the discussion.

BTW, not a scorned woman. My posts indicate that I’m not surrounded by cheaters and so don’t have experience with it at a personal level. That is why I wonder why we can’t expect men to do better? Are you saying we shouldn’t expect them to do better?

You are naive but your are lucky to be since you likely have a great marriage with a good marital sex life so cheating seems so foreign and something you can't comprehend except that super selfish destructive people do it.

I remember feeling the same way, and then slowly over time my spouse stopped being affectionate, the sex dried up entirely and utter loneliness set in. Then someone shows interest and it's the greatest high in the world and you feel human again. And of course the moralists say the right move is to divorce and disrupt our kids lives or I live like a soulless monster.

I mean this sincerely when I say I am jealous of your bubble

^agreed. Are you a man or a woman?

Anonymous wrote:^ I guess what I’m saying is that
—he sees the good (or chooses to) in his wife
—he is clearly a successful man and was faced with many temptations but chose not to engage

It’s not about the situation, it’s about the person. That’s why when men say UMC successful people can’t help temptation, it sounds like whining. We all face temptation in life. Who you are determines what you do in that situation. It’s your decision.

bingo. applies equally to both women and men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ temptation occurs everywhere in life but it’s what you choose to do that matters. You clearly chose a path that is different than many happily married men. It’s you who chose differently.

It comes down to do you believe you have agency in life or does life happen to you?

of course people have agency, but there are variables in play too. Someone with a low sex drive isn't going to find resisting temptation as hard. Or someone who is an introvert, or conventionally unattractive. In the CEO's case, he has an amazing wife whom he has a strong connection with so that helps too.

I’m the PP CEO and I do have an amazing wife who after many years still seems very enthusiastic to have sex with me....and I with her. We’ve somehow avoided the monogamy boredom trap enough to keep us coming back for more. Retirement has been very good for our sex life as we have plenty of time. I know I am very lucky!

Anonymous wrote:^ I guess what I’m saying is that
—he sees the good (or chooses to) in his wife
—he is clearly a successful man and was faced with many temptations but chose not to engage

It’s not about the situation, it’s about the person. That’s why when men say UMC successful people can’t help temptation, it sounds like whining. We all face temptation in life. Who you are determines what you do in that situation. It’s your decision.

Sorry, this comment was for the prior poster who started with “of course people have agency....”

^ I guess what I’m saying is that
—he sees the good (or chooses to) in his wife
—he is clearly a successful man and was faced with many temptations but chose not to engage

It’s not about the situation, it’s about the person. That’s why when men say UMC successful people can’t help temptation, it sounds like whining. We all face temptation in life. Who you are determines what you do in that situation. It’s your decision.

Anonymous wrote:Some extremely naive people on this thread. The people that would be shocked, really? Most people cheated on, never thought it would happen to them. Strong sex at home doesn’t mean a thing. People like variety

Incorrect. Strong sex at home does not guarantee no cheating. But weak sex at home DOES guarantee cheating. Obviously then, strong sex at home does mean something.