Anonymous
Post 11/25/2019 05:51     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Anonymous wrote:My 16 YO DS has a bit of a pot belly. Weight/height wise he is within normal ranges, he just carries a bit extra around his waist rather then elsewhere. We have talked to our doctor about this sevoral times and his advice is basically to keep him active (which he is voluntarily) and dont make a big deal about it - either he may grow into it during late puberty or can work it off later but she doesnt think it is a medical issue.

Now my mom, lovely woman that she is (or rather isnt) disagrees and feels that he is, 'chubby' and we should be doing more. And so recently she has told me and dh that her christmas gift for him this year will be a couple items of clothing he has on his list, but 1-2 sizes smaller then his size (which we have given her. I.e an adult medium shirt vs a large, or 32inch waist pants vs 34 inch. Her reasoning is that it would, "Give him a reason to lose his baby fat."

We have told her we disagree, and asked her kindly to reconsider as we feel this is embarrassing to him, especially since he will be opening these gifts in front of his whole family including cousins so they will watch as he opens these clothes he does want only to realize he wont be able to wear them. But she is stead fast, and these arguements only seem to make her more determined that this is, according to her, the best gift she could give him.

I need advice. Love my mom to bits, but I really dont think this is a good idea and need her to see that.



You expose your kid to this woman? I really wonder about you people and your child rearing abilities.

What so do??? Seriously? Tell this bitch to fu$k off, that's what.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2019 03:23     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Anonymous wrote:Don't any of you sit around and tell stories about the weird and wacky things your grandparents and great aunts / uncles did?

To me, these are the things that we laugh about later in life. and at the time - they are just part of life and dealing with them builds resilience.


Allowing Grandma to abuse her grandson does not build resilience. What a ridiculous thing to think.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2019 03:17     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would get her anti ageing wrinkle cream or a voucher for botox or incontinence pads and let her open it in front of the family.

Then she'll get the message.


This is amazing.


Nit really. Wrinkle cream is usually expensive and she’d probably like it! If someone gave me moisturizer, I know I would appreciate it. Incontinence pads are a little too blunt. You need something less obvious.

Anonymous
Post 11/25/2019 00:54     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Anonymous wrote:Don't any of you sit around and tell stories about the weird and wacky things your grandparents and great aunts / uncles did?

To me, these are the things that we laugh about later in life. and at the time - they are just part of life and dealing with them builds resilience.


That's a fallacy. It normalizes abuse.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2019 19:24     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would get her anti ageing wrinkle cream or a voucher for botox or incontinence pads and let her open it in front of the family.

Then she'll get the message.


This is amazing.


Yes, because two wrongs = one right.



I would at least tell her this is what will happen if she gives him a gift that is meant to embarrass him about his physical appearance.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2019 19:05     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Don't any of you sit around and tell stories about the weird and wacky things your grandparents and great aunts / uncles did?

To me, these are the things that we laugh about later in life. and at the time - they are just part of life and dealing with them builds resilience.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2019 19:02     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
"Allow it to happen"? YOU obviously allow tooo much to happen without your mother knowing it affects your relationship with her. YOU need to stand up to your mother.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2019 18:52     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Anonymous wrote:OP, your son is 16. He has is own relationship, or can reject a relationship with these people. It is his to handle. Anyway he wants. Stay out of it. Stop talking about it behind his back. Stop talking about him behind his back. He is due the respect of a soon-to-be adult. He will have adult relationships with other adults as peers. Stop babying him, feeling like you need to protect him -but- conversely if he sours on his affections for relatives, that is his right.


I don't care how old someone is, if you know another person is planning to be deliberately cruel, you need to speak up and set boundaries. Doesn't matter if it's 'family', coworkers, friends or neighbors. Silence is acceptance. It is even more unacceptable when cruelty will be inflicted one family member onto another. A person with integrity and moral fiber wouldn't just allow this to happen.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2019 18:37     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
OP, your son is 16. He has is own relationship, or can reject a relationship with these people. It is his to handle. Anyway he wants. Stay out of it. Stop talking about it behind his back. Stop talking about him behind his back. He is due the respect of a soon-to-be adult. He will have adult relationships with other adults as peers. Stop babying him, feeling like you need to protect him -but- conversely if he sours on his affections for relatives, that is his right.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2019 18:22     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Anonymous wrote:Figure out an gift that would be equally mean for Grandma. If she goes through with it, and makes a big production out of her gift to your son, have a good revenge gift available. Basically revenge must be Swift and ruthless to prevent this from happening again. The rest of your family should understand, as any of their kids could be next.


Ridiculous. Don’t do this. Don’t go. Protect your child and SHUT HER DOWN.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2019 11:17     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Way over thinking here. Do you really think your son will care?

\

Yes. People do care even boys, even men.


Mine would notice and be insulted. If we couldn't exchange the clothes they would end up in the corner of his room until the next trip to the donation bin.


Op, if she does this, give them back to her before the end of the day. Don't even take them home if they can't be exchanged.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2019 11:15     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Way over thinking here. Do you really think your son will care?

\

Yes. People do care even boys, even men.


Mine would notice and be insulted. If we couldn't exchange the clothes they would end up in the corner of his room until the next trip to the donation bin.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2019 11:02     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
She is toxic. Protect your kid.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2019 10:57     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would get her anti ageing wrinkle cream or a voucher for botox or incontinence pads and let her open it in front of the family.

Then she'll get the message.


This is amazing.


Yes, because two wrongs = one right.

Anonymous
Post 11/24/2019 10:48     Subject: How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?
Anonymous wrote:I would get her anti ageing wrinkle cream or a voucher for botox or incontinence pads and let her open it in front of the family.

Then she'll get the message.


This is amazing.