Anonymous wrote:I’m realizing this is a futile exercise. It’s impossible to know what you would have done in the same situation because as clearly as I try to describe it, you were not there. So I’m asking you to just assume you felt what I felt, and ask what you have done given that. But again, you’re getting stuck on the fact that you think you wouldn’t have felt what I felt. I get it- I could be some quack who is suspicious of every stranger, you don’t know me. You don’t know my DH. Or I could be a normal mom who has always had pretty good instincts, and decided to follow her gut in this case. Point is, you guys don’t know either way, so you are just getting stuck on that instead of offering feedback that I can actually use.

I do appreciate some of the earlier responses which were actually helpful. So thank you to those Pp’s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still don't explain when you felt it was necessary to tell so loud that your kid started crying...

He didn’t start crying because I was yelling. I didn’t yell- well, only initially his name, to get his attention because he didn’t hear me in the crowd the first time I called out. He was crying because he was confused/surprised and I think scared that older kid might have been “bad”. He saw how serious DH and I were. It was the whole scenario. He was cautious at first and looked to me to check if it was ok. And the first two times I gave him the go ahead and followed. I was honestly curious.

Believe me I felt bad when he started crying. He didn’t do anything wrong, he was just being a kid.

Your kid did *EXACTLY* what he should have done - he looked at you and you gave him the go ahead! No wonder he's confused. He asked you - not once, but twice - if it was OK to go with the bigger kid and you said yes. Then all of a sudden, for no perceptible reason, you changed your mind. And the person who you already told him twice was safe, is all of a sudden "bad" and both his parents were oh-so-serious.

"You can't leave my sight in public." and "Always ask before you go somewhere with someone" are both lovely and important rules for little kids. YOUR job is to actually implement those consistently, not telly our kid it's OK to do something and then decide your gut changed its mind.

As for the actual situation, my son is 10. I can very easily see him finding a cool bug/fountain/cave and being excited and telling the nearest 7 year old about it. 10/11 is a really transition age where some kids are still "little kids" and some are full-up "pre-teens".

Um, yes, that’s what I explained. I know I gave him mixed signals. And I know it was confusing for him. What I’m asking is, how would you have handled it better??[i]
-op

Almost everyone on this thread answered that question. The very obvious answer is that you should have gone with all three kids to check out the cave/new location. And said to your kids "great job asking me before you left the area!"

Op here. My question is, what would you have done in this specific scenario, where at first you’re ok with it, but then, as you watch them interact, your gut tells you differently. And just to clarify, the first time they checked with me, AND I was with them. The last time, they did not check with me, and they were leaving the enclosed area with the boy. I totally get that I was sending mixed signals, and I made them confused, but it was an unusual scenario. I also want to make sure they understand they are not to leave my sight with a stranger. It’s tough because in effect, I gave them the green light that this was a safe person they could trust, but maybe I could have handled it differently.

For the people in the back (really OP) we would have gone with our kids and the other kid to see the "cool thing."

Yes- I did this twice. I went with them.

Op again. And the boy did not really play with them, just kept moving them from one place to another. The third time, they left the area without checking with me- which I understand because I had already given them the ok twice before

Anonymous wrote:I’m realizing this is a futile exercise. It’s impossible to know what you would have done in the same situation because as clearly as I try to describe it, you were not there. So I’m asking you to just assume you felt what I felt, and ask what you have done given that. But again, you’re getting stuck on the fact that you think you wouldn’t have felt what I felt. I get it- I could be some quack who is suspicious of every stranger, you don’t know me. You don’t know my DH. Or I could be a normal mom who has always had pretty good instincts, and decided to follow her gut in this case. Point is, you guys don’t know either way, so you are just getting stuck on that instead of offering feedback that I can actually use.

I do appreciate some of the earlier responses which were actually helpful. So thank you to those Pp’s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still don't explain when you felt it was necessary to tell so loud that your kid started crying...

He didn’t start crying because I was yelling. I didn’t yell- well, only initially his name, to get his attention because he didn’t hear me in the crowd the first time I called out. He was crying because he was confused/surprised and I think scared that older kid might have been “bad”. He saw how serious DH and I were. It was the whole scenario. He was cautious at first and looked to me to check if it was ok. And the first two times I gave him the go ahead and followed. I was honestly curious.

Believe me I felt bad when he started crying. He didn’t do anything wrong, he was just being a kid.

Your kid did *EXACTLY* what he should have done - he looked at you and you gave him the go ahead! No wonder he's confused. He asked you - not once, but twice - if it was OK to go with the bigger kid and you said yes. Then all of a sudden, for no perceptible reason, you changed your mind. And the person who you already told him twice was safe, is all of a sudden "bad" and both his parents were oh-so-serious.

"You can't leave my sight in public." and "Always ask before you go somewhere with someone" are both lovely and important rules for little kids. YOUR job is to actually implement those consistently, not telly our kid it's OK to do something and then decide your gut changed its mind.

As for the actual situation, my son is 10. I can very easily see him finding a cool bug/fountain/cave and being excited and telling the nearest 7 year old about it. 10/11 is a really transition age where some kids are still "little kids" and some are full-up "pre-teens".

Um, yes, that’s what I explained. I know I gave him mixed signals. And I know it was confusing for him. What I’m asking is, how would you have handled it better??[i]
-op

Almost everyone on this thread answered that question. The very obvious answer is that you should have gone with all three kids to check out the cave/new location. And said to your kids "great job asking me before you left the area!"

Op here. My question is, what would you have done in this specific scenario, where at first you’re ok with it, but then, as you watch them interact, your gut tells you differently. And just to clarify, the first time they checked with me, AND I was with them. The last time, they did not check with me, and they were leaving the enclosed area with the boy. I totally get that I was sending mixed signals, and I made them confused, but it was an unusual scenario. I also want to make sure they understand they are not to leave my sight with a stranger. It’s tough because in effect, I gave them the green light that this was a safe person they could trust, but maybe I could have handled it differently.

For the people in the back (really OP) we would have gone with our kids and the other kid to see the "cool thing."

Yes- I did this twice. I went with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still don't explain when you felt it was necessary to tell so loud that your kid started crying...

He didn’t start crying because I was yelling. I didn’t yell- well, only initially his name, to get his attention because he didn’t hear me in the crowd the first time I called out. He was crying because he was confused/surprised and I think scared that older kid might have been “bad”. He saw how serious DH and I were. It was the whole scenario. He was cautious at first and looked to me to check if it was ok. And the first two times I gave him the go ahead and followed. I was honestly curious.

Believe me I felt bad when he started crying. He didn’t do anything wrong, he was just being a kid.

Your kid did *EXACTLY* what he should have done - he looked at you and you gave him the go ahead! No wonder he's confused. He asked you - not once, but twice - if it was OK to go with the bigger kid and you said yes. Then all of a sudden, for no perceptible reason, you changed your mind. And the person who you already told him twice was safe, is all of a sudden "bad" and both his parents were oh-so-serious.

"You can't leave my sight in public." and "Always ask before you go somewhere with someone" are both lovely and important rules for little kids. YOUR job is to actually implement those consistently, not telly our kid it's OK to do something and then decide your gut changed its mind.

As for the actual situation, my son is 10. I can very easily see him finding a cool bug/fountain/cave and being excited and telling the nearest 7 year old about it. 10/11 is a really transition age where some kids are still "little kids" and some are full-up "pre-teens".

Um, yes, that’s what I explained. I know I gave him mixed signals. And I know it was confusing for him. What I’m asking is, how would you have handled it better??[i]
-op

Almost everyone on this thread answered that question. The very obvious answer is that you should have gone with all three kids to check out the cave/new location. And said to your kids "great job asking me before you left the area!"

Op here. My question is, what would you have done in this specific scenario, where at first you’re ok with it, but then, as you watch them interact, your gut tells you differently. And just to clarify, the first time they checked with me, AND I was with them. The last time, they did not check with me, and they were leaving the enclosed area with the boy. I totally get that I was sending mixed signals, and I made them confused, but it was an unusual scenario. I also want to make sure they understand they are not to leave my sight with a stranger. It’s tough because in effect, I gave them the green light that this was a safe person they could trust, but maybe I could have handled it differently.

Op- you can’t seem to accept that most people would not have thought this was creepy or suspicious. Truly, I would have gone with my kids and the new kid to see the new, cool, awesome things he wanted to show the kids. Really, I would.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still don't explain when you felt it was necessary to tell so loud that your kid started crying...

He didn’t start crying because I was yelling. I didn’t yell- well, only initially his name, to get his attention because he didn’t hear me in the crowd the first time I called out. He was crying because he was confused/surprised and I think scared that older kid might have been “bad”. He saw how serious DH and I were. It was the whole scenario. He was cautious at first and looked to me to check if it was ok. And the first two times I gave him the go ahead and followed. I was honestly curious.

Believe me I felt bad when he started crying. He didn’t do anything wrong, he was just being a kid.

Your kid did *EXACTLY* what he should have done - he looked at you and you gave him the go ahead! No wonder he's confused. He asked you - not once, but twice - if it was OK to go with the bigger kid and you said yes. Then all of a sudden, for no perceptible reason, you changed your mind. And the person who you already told him twice was safe, is all of a sudden "bad" and both his parents were oh-so-serious.

"You can't leave my sight in public." and "Always ask before you go somewhere with someone" are both lovely and important rules for little kids. YOUR job is to actually implement those consistently, not telly our kid it's OK to do something and then decide your gut changed its mind.

As for the actual situation, my son is 10. I can very easily see him finding a cool bug/fountain/cave and being excited and telling the nearest 7 year old about it. 10/11 is a really transition age where some kids are still "little kids" and some are full-up "pre-teens".

Um, yes, that’s what I explained. I know I gave him mixed signals. And I know it was confusing for him. What I’m asking is, how would you have handled it better??[i]
-op

Almost everyone on this thread answered that question. The very obvious answer is that you should have gone with all three kids to check out the cave/new location. And said to your kids "great job asking me before you left the area!"

Op here. My question is, what would you have done in this specific scenario, where at first you’re ok with it, but then, as you watch them interact, your gut tells you differently. And just to clarify, the first time they checked with me, AND I was with them. The last time, they did not check with me, and they were leaving the enclosed area with the boy. I totally get that I was sending mixed signals, and I made them confused, but it was an unusual scenario. I also want to make sure they understand they are not to leave my sight with a stranger. It’s tough because in effect, I gave them the green light that this was a safe person they could trust, but maybe I could have handled it differently.

For the people in the back (really OP) we would have gone with our kids and the other kid to see the "cool thing."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still don't explain when you felt it was necessary to tell so loud that your kid started crying...

He didn’t start crying because I was yelling. I didn’t yell- well, only initially his name, to get his attention because he didn’t hear me in the crowd the first time I called out. He was crying because he was confused/surprised and I think scared that older kid might have been “bad”. He saw how serious DH and I were. It was the whole scenario. He was cautious at first and looked to me to check if it was ok. And the first two times I gave him the go ahead and followed. I was honestly curious.

Believe me I felt bad when he started crying. He didn’t do anything wrong, he was just being a kid.

Your kid did *EXACTLY* what he should have done - he looked at you and you gave him the go ahead! No wonder he's confused. He asked you - not once, but twice - if it was OK to go with the bigger kid and you said yes. Then all of a sudden, for no perceptible reason, you changed your mind. And the person who you already told him twice was safe, is all of a sudden "bad" and both his parents were oh-so-serious.

"You can't leave my sight in public." and "Always ask before you go somewhere with someone" are both lovely and important rules for little kids. YOUR job is to actually implement those consistently, not telly our kid it's OK to do something and then decide your gut changed its mind.

As for the actual situation, my son is 10. I can very easily see him finding a cool bug/fountain/cave and being excited and telling the nearest 7 year old about it. 10/11 is a really transition age where some kids are still "little kids" and some are full-up "pre-teens".

Um, yes, that’s what I explained. I know I gave him mixed signals. And I know it was confusing for him. What I’m asking is, how would you have handled it better??[i]
-op

Almost everyone on this thread answered that question. The very obvious answer is that you should have gone with all three kids to check out the cave/new location. And said to your kids "great job asking me before you left the area!"

Op here. My question is, what would you have done in this specific scenario, where at first you’re ok with it, but then, as you watch them interact, your gut tells you differently. And just to clarify, the first time they checked with me, AND I was with them. The last time, they did not check with me, and they were leaving the enclosed area with the boy. I totally get that I was sending mixed signals, and I made them confused, but it was an unusual scenario. I also want to make sure they understand they are not to leave my sight with a stranger. It’s tough because in effect, I gave them the green light that this was a safe person they could trust, but maybe I could have handled it differently.

Op- you can’t seem to accept that most people would not have thought this was creepy or suspicious. Truly, I would have gone with my kids and the new kid to see the new, cool, awesome things he wanted to show the kids. Really, I would.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still don't explain when you felt it was necessary to tell so loud that your kid started crying...

He didn’t start crying because I was yelling. I didn’t yell- well, only initially his name, to get his attention because he didn’t hear me in the crowd the first time I called out. He was crying because he was confused/surprised and I think scared that older kid might have been “bad”. He saw how serious DH and I were. It was the whole scenario. He was cautious at first and looked to me to check if it was ok. And the first two times I gave him the go ahead and followed. I was honestly curious.

Believe me I felt bad when he started crying. He didn’t do anything wrong, he was just being a kid.

Your kid did *EXACTLY* what he should have done - he looked at you and you gave him the go ahead! No wonder he's confused. He asked you - not once, but twice - if it was OK to go with the bigger kid and you said yes. Then all of a sudden, for no perceptible reason, you changed your mind. And the person who you already told him twice was safe, is all of a sudden "bad" and both his parents were oh-so-serious.

"You can't leave my sight in public." and "Always ask before you go somewhere with someone" are both lovely and important rules for little kids. YOUR job is to actually implement those consistently, not telly our kid it's OK to do something and then decide your gut changed its mind.

As for the actual situation, my son is 10. I can very easily see him finding a cool bug/fountain/cave and being excited and telling the nearest 7 year old about it. 10/11 is a really transition age where some kids are still "little kids" and some are full-up "pre-teens".

Um, yes, that’s what I explained. I know I gave him mixed signals. And I know it was confusing for him. What I’m asking is, how would you have handled it better??[i]
-op

Almost everyone on this thread answered that question. The very obvious answer is that you should have gone with all three kids to check out the cave/new location. And said to your kids "great job asking me before you left the area!"

Op here. My question is, what would you have done in this specific scenario, where at first you’re ok with it, but then, as you watch them interact, your gut tells you differently. And just to clarify, the first time they checked with me, AND I was with them. The last time, they did not check with me, and they were leaving the enclosed area with the boy. I totally get that I was sending mixed signals, and I made them confused, but it was an unusual scenario. I also want to make sure they understand they are not to leave my sight with a stranger. It’s tough because in effect, I gave them the green light that this was a safe person they could trust, but maybe I could have handled it differently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still don't explain when you felt it was necessary to tell so loud that your kid started crying...

He didn’t start crying because I was yelling. I didn’t yell- well, only initially his name, to get his attention because he didn’t hear me in the crowd the first time I called out. He was crying because he was confused/surprised and I think scared that older kid might have been “bad”. He saw how serious DH and I were. It was the whole scenario. He was cautious at first and looked to me to check if it was ok. And the first two times I gave him the go ahead and followed. I was honestly curious.

Believe me I felt bad when he started crying. He didn’t do anything wrong, he was just being a kid.

Your kid did *EXACTLY* what he should have done - he looked at you and you gave him the go ahead! No wonder he's confused. He asked you - not once, but twice - if it was OK to go with the bigger kid and you said yes. Then all of a sudden, for no perceptible reason, you changed your mind. And the person who you already told him twice was safe, is all of a sudden "bad" and both his parents were oh-so-serious.

"You can't leave my sight in public." and "Always ask before you go somewhere with someone" are both lovely and important rules for little kids. YOUR job is to actually implement those consistently, not telly our kid it's OK to do something and then decide your gut changed its mind.

As for the actual situation, my son is 10. I can very easily see him finding a cool bug/fountain/cave and being excited and telling the nearest 7 year old about it. 10/11 is a really transition age where some kids are still "little kids" and some are full-up "pre-teens".

Um, yes, that’s what I explained. I know I gave him mixed signals. And I know it was confusing for him. What I’m asking is, how would you have handled it better??[i]
-op

Almost everyone on this thread answered that question. The very obvious answer is that you should have gone with all three kids to check out the cave/new location. And said to your kids "great job asking me before you left the area!"

Op here. My question is, what would you have done in this specific scenario, where at first you’re ok with it, but then, as you watch them interact, your gut tells you differently. And just to clarify, the first time they checked with me, AND I was with them. The last time, they did not check with me, and they were leaving the enclosed area with the boy. I totally get that I was sending mixed signals, and I made them confused, but it was an unusual scenario. I also want to make sure they understand they are not to leave my sight with a stranger. It’s tough because in effect, I gave them the green light that this was a safe person they could trust, but maybe I could have handled it differently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still don't explain when you felt it was necessary to tell so loud that your kid started crying...

He didn’t start crying because I was yelling. I didn’t yell- well, only initially his name, to get his attention because he didn’t hear me in the crowd the first time I called out. He was crying because he was confused/surprised and I think scared that older kid might have been “bad”. He saw how serious DH and I were. It was the whole scenario. He was cautious at first and looked to me to check if it was ok. And the first two times I gave him the go ahead and followed. I was honestly curious.

Believe me I felt bad when he started crying. He didn’t do anything wrong, he was just being a kid.

Your kid did *EXACTLY* what he should have done - he looked at you and you gave him the go ahead! No wonder he's confused. He asked you - not once, but twice - if it was OK to go with the bigger kid and you said yes. Then all of a sudden, for no perceptible reason, you changed your mind. And the person who you already told him twice was safe, is all of a sudden "bad" and both his parents were oh-so-serious.

"You can't leave my sight in public." and "Always ask before you go somewhere with someone" are both lovely and important rules for little kids. YOUR job is to actually implement those consistently, not telly our kid it's OK to do something and then decide your gut changed its mind.

As for the actual situation, my son is 10. I can very easily see him finding a cool bug/fountain/cave and being excited and telling the nearest 7 year old about it. 10/11 is a really transition age where some kids are still "little kids" and some are full-up "pre-teens".

Um, yes, that’s what I explained. I know I gave him mixed signals. And I know it was confusing for him. What I’m asking is, how would you have handled it better??[i]
-op

Almost everyone on this thread answered that question. The very obvious answer is that you should have gone with all three kids to check out the cave/new location. And said to your kids "great job asking me before you left the area!"

Anonymous wrote:Pp’s, you guys are ridiculous- I didn’t add any “embellishments”. I was explaining that he did in fact have something to show them, it wasn’t some big mystery or lie, but he was also persistent in trying to get them further and further away, and the whole time, his parent was nowhere in sight.

I’m not trying to say I handled it right, I’m trying to ask how I should have handled the situation. And I’m aware it could have all been innocent, but it certainly didn’t feel that way at the time. I’m also asking how I should frame this type of thing to my kids in the future so that I’m not freaking them out and making them anxious but keeping them safe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oh, so you weren't getting the replies you like so you came back and embellished the story...Classic DCUM move.

Haha exactly.

Extra points for her DH completely agreeing with her

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still don't explain when you felt it was necessary to tell so loud that your kid started crying...

He didn’t start crying because I was yelling. I didn’t yell- well, only initially his name, to get his attention because he didn’t hear me in the crowd the first time I called out. He was crying because he was confused/surprised and I think scared that older kid might have been “bad”. He saw how serious DH and I were. It was the whole scenario. He was cautious at first and looked to me to check if it was ok. And the first two times I gave him the go ahead and followed. I was honestly curious.

Believe me I felt bad when he started crying. He didn’t do anything wrong, he was just being a kid.

Your kid did *EXACTLY* what he should have done - he looked at you and you gave him the go ahead! No wonder he's confused. He asked you - not once, but twice - if it was OK to go with the bigger kid and you said yes. Then all of a sudden, for no perceptible reason, you changed your mind. And the person who you already told him twice was safe, is all of a sudden "bad" and both his parents were oh-so-serious.

"You can't leave my sight in public." and "Always ask before you go somewhere with someone" are both lovely and important rules for little kids. YOUR job is to actually implement those consistently, not telly our kid it's OK to do something and then decide your gut changed its mind.

As for the actual situation, my son is 10. I can very easily see him finding a cool bug/fountain/cave and being excited and telling the nearest 7 year old about it. 10/11 is a really transition age where some kids are still "little kids" and some are full-up "pre-teens".

Um, yes, that’s what I explained. I know I gave him mixed signals. And I know it was confusing for him. What I’m asking is, how would you have handled it better??[i]
-op