If it helps, I know how you feel. My in-laws were supposed to come help right after we had our second baby. 2 days before they come, I get a text from my niece that she is excited to see us. Turns out my SIL wanted to go somewhere with just 1 kid so my MIL was going to "surprise" is with our nieces. When my husband told her she couldn't do that she threatened not to come since SIL didn't have a babysitter. We had this date picked out months before the baby arrived and it really showed who was the favorite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never had a paid babysitter. My in laws live close and I stayed at home until my kids were school. It wasn’t an issue of trust as much as there wasn’t much need - or much disposable income. The grandparents watched the kids for the odd school activity or other such thing and we generally did family rather than couple things until the kids were old enough to stay alone. Now the kids are in high school/college and we get out a lot.

This, I get. If you have free family options, of course, use them.

It's "I don't trust anyone but family" people who I find deranged, and likely to screw up their kids.

Well if you aren't going to be choosy about who you leave your completely vulnerable and non verbal children with what will you be choosy about?

Non-verbal is til about age 2. Staying home alone is age 10-11. No babysitters for a decade??

I actually trusted babysitters a lot more than my ILs who would forget to feed my kids and stuff.

Yeah, but I don’t think parents are worried as much about babysitters forgetting one meal or snack or not changing a diaper right away.

I hear you. To me the risk of the child not eating or getting a diaper changed was a lot higher than the risk of a 22 year old female nursing student molesting my children. That was very low in my mind.

Lol. I get it. But I think you were lucky to find such a person. I’ve posted before that it was very very hard to find care if you didn’t already have friends with kids or had kids in daycare, unless you wanted to go trough some agency and pay $30+ an hour. We ended up using neighborhood teens whose families we knew. But only when the kid was older and more verbal and less likely to choke, and we started by only going out after putting DC down for the night. The OP’s sister is ridiculous, 100%.

Anonymous wrote:We never had a paid babysitter. My in laws live close and I stayed at home until my kids were school. It wasn’t an issue of trust as much as there wasn’t much need - or much disposable income. The grandparents watched the kids for the odd school activity or other such thing and we generally did family rather than couple things until the kids were old enough to stay alone. Now the kids are in high school/college and we get out a lot.

This.

The only person who has ever babysat our 2 year old is my mom. She lives less than 10 minutes away and loves our DC. We would only pay someone if we ABSOLUTELY had plans we couldn't change/cancel and my mom couldn't do it. Like your sister, if my mom is not available, we change our plans. However, I would NEVER ever ask my mom to change her plans, that's so selfish.
To be honest, I'd like to start using other babysitters from time to time, while I love my mom watching DC, sometimes it feels like we are asking for permission to go out.

My SIL is one. She uses and basically abuses my MIL and FIL, who watch her kids all the time (like ALL the time, even though my SIL doesn't work). She has definitely had them cancel their plans to come see us because she needed something. So it made me realize that I don't really respect my in-laws and we've moved on. Now we don't rearrange things for them, if they want to come visit fine, but if they blow us off we wait a while before planning to have them visit again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never had a paid babysitter. My in laws live close and I stayed at home until my kids were school. It wasn’t an issue of trust as much as there wasn’t much need - or much disposable income. The grandparents watched the kids for the odd school activity or other such thing and we generally did family rather than couple things until the kids were old enough to stay alone. Now the kids are in high school/college and we get out a lot.

This, I get. If you have free family options, of course, use them.

It's "I don't trust anyone but family" people who I find deranged, and likely to screw up their kids.

Well if you aren't going to be choosy about who you leave your completely vulnerable and non verbal children with what will you be choosy about?

Non-verbal is til about age 2. Staying home alone is age 10-11. No babysitters for a decade??

I actually trusted babysitters a lot more than my ILs who would forget to feed my kids and stuff.

Yeah, but I don’t think parents are worried as much about babysitters forgetting one meal or snack or not changing a diaper right away.

I hear you. To me the risk of the child not eating or getting a diaper changed was a lot higher than the risk of a 22 year old female nursing student molesting my children. That was very low in my mind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never had a paid babysitter. My in laws live close and I stayed at home until my kids were school. It wasn’t an issue of trust as much as there wasn’t much need - or much disposable income. The grandparents watched the kids for the odd school activity or other such thing and we generally did family rather than couple things until the kids were old enough to stay alone. Now the kids are in high school/college and we get out a lot.

This, I get. If you have free family options, of course, use them.

It's "I don't trust anyone but family" people who I find deranged, and likely to screw up their kids.

Well if you aren't going to be choosy about who you leave your completely vulnerable and non verbal children with what will you be choosy about?

Non-verbal is til about age 2. Staying home alone is age 10-11. No babysitters for a decade??

I actually trusted babysitters a lot more than my ILs who would forget to feed my kids and stuff.

Yeah, but I don’t think parents are worried as much about babysitters forgetting one meal or snack or not changing a diaper right away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never had a paid babysitter. My in laws live close and I stayed at home until my kids were school. It wasn’t an issue of trust as much as there wasn’t much need - or much disposable income. The grandparents watched the kids for the odd school activity or other such thing and we generally did family rather than couple things until the kids were old enough to stay alone. Now the kids are in high school/college and we get out a lot.

This, I get. If you have free family options, of course, use them.

It's "I don't trust anyone but family" people who I find deranged, and likely to screw up their kids.

Well if you aren't going to be choosy about who you leave your completely vulnerable and non verbal children with what will you be choosy about?

Non-verbal is til about age 2. Staying home alone is age 10-11. No babysitters for a decade??

I actually trusted babysitters a lot more than my ILs who would forget to feed my kids and stuff.

And exactly how much feedback do you think you'll get from a 2 year old regarding the quality of the sitter?

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Your sister is absolutely in the wrong here. She can make whatever decision she wants about babysitters, but NO WAY does she get to interfere with your plans with your mom. If your sister won't hire a sitter, she misses the party. End of story.

This. The sitter has plans, sis. You don’t get to be queen of the world and force others to drop everything for you.

OP -

Your sister is absolutely in the wrong here. She can make whatever decision she wants about babysitters, but NO WAY does she get to interfere with your plans with your mom. If your sister won't hire a sitter, she misses the party. End of story.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never had a paid babysitter. My in laws live close and I stayed at home until my kids were school. It wasn’t an issue of trust as much as there wasn’t much need - or much disposable income. The grandparents watched the kids for the odd school activity or other such thing and we generally did family rather than couple things until the kids were old enough to stay alone. Now the kids are in high school/college and we get out a lot.

This, I get. If you have free family options, of course, use them.

It's "I don't trust anyone but family" people who I find deranged, and likely to screw up their kids.

Well if you aren't going to be choosy about who you leave your completely vulnerable and non verbal children with what will you be choosy about?

Non-verbal is til about age 2. Staying home alone is age 10-11. No babysitters for a decade??

I actually trusted babysitters a lot more than my ILs who would forget to feed my kids and stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never had a paid babysitter. My in laws live close and I stayed at home until my kids were school. It wasn’t an issue of trust as much as there wasn’t much need - or much disposable income. The grandparents watched the kids for the odd school activity or other such thing and we generally did family rather than couple things until the kids were old enough to stay alone. Now the kids are in high school/college and we get out a lot.

This, I get. If you have free family options, of course, use them.

It's "I don't trust anyone but family" people who I find deranged, and likely to screw up their kids.

Well if you aren't going to be choosy about who you leave your completely vulnerable and non verbal children with what will you be choosy about?