Anonymous wrote:I would have terminated immediately. You are 43. Who needs a 20 yr old at age 63!

OP has a 3 year old - it's not like she's starting over.

OP, if deep down in your soul you want this baby, keep the baby. At 43, this is probably your last chance to give your child a sibling, so I understand wanting to keep the baby in spite of the less-than-ideal circumstances. If you decide terminating is right for your little family, that's ok too.

Is OP even around anymore?

Well, the pro-abortion folks are out in full force in this thread.

Op. I hope you have a few close friends you can share this with or if not, seek out a professional source of support to talk things over with. You know yourself and your situation best. If your reaction is to "feel blessed with a surprise baby and a second child" that is also a wonderful thing.

I wish you all the best. Not all good things in life are planned. The unexpected can be amazing

Anonymous wrote:I would have terminated immediately. You are 43. Who needs a 20 yr old at age 63!

Omg shut up. My mom had be naturally at 43 and then, guess what?! She had my little sister 100% naturally at age 47. The horror!! She looks 15+ years younger than all her friends, just got back from zip lining in Costa Rica, has never really fully retired and we have the most wonderful relationship. She’s my rock. Sometimes (usually) life unfolds not according to plan and you adapt- the beauty is in the mess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have terminated immediately. You are 43. Who needs a 20 yr old at age 63!

This makes no sense. So you have an ADULT 20 year old at 63. What if you had a 20yo ADULT at 43? Seriously, what is the difference? It's not like you're 63 with a toddler.

I had my lil one at 43, and I also have adult children. I love being a mom again. My pregnancy was smooth. I'm so glad it happened. OP, I want to encourage you-yes, you are in a tough spot, but there could be a bright side. Please don't feel pressured to do anything you do not want to.

Of course it’s different to have a 20 year old at 63. OP is going through a divorce which has probably put a dent in her savings, and she may be raising kids well into her senior years even though she currently has no means to support herself or them. She will still be supporting her kids at an age when she should be saving everything for retirement. OTOH if you’re 43 with adult children, you have years to ramp up your retirement savings, and all the time and energy to focus on your work. I think she should prioritize herself and her existing child. Even though she will get child support for both kids, it will still be expensive. She will be a financially strapped single mom, and it’s doubtful that her boyfriend of 3 months will stick around to help her out in her old age.

I'll have a 20 year old when I'm 57. I am so much more prepared to guide that 20 year old at the age of 57 than I would have been at 37. I've had 20 more years of life experience under my belt. That is a good thing!

DP. That's a good thing if you're stable, financially and emotionally, and have support all around. OP doesn't have any of that, and she's getting up there in age.

OP, I don't want to scare you, or anything, but my SIL was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 43. She died 4 years later and left two children behind. And she was married to a trust fund dude, so, at least, monetary side of the situation wasn't that tragic (although even the trust fund dude ended up with tons of medical bills), but imagine if she was single, with no family to speak of, and two preschoolers to take care of.

Anonymous wrote:The literally worse thing you can do after a failed marriage is have a baby with someone you don't know. Get the abortion and birth control. Keep in mind the divorce and baby affects your child negatively even if you believe it's something you want.

I say this as someone that had an accidental pregnancy with a man that is destructive and abusive. Abusers try to hook women in fast before they see red flags.

This.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have terminated immediately. You are 43. Who needs a 20 yr old at age 63!

This makes no sense. So you have an ADULT 20 year old at 63. What if you had a 20yo ADULT at 43? Seriously, what is the difference? It's not like you're 63 with a toddler.

I had my lil one at 43, and I also have adult children. I love being a mom again. My pregnancy was smooth. I'm so glad it happened. OP, I want to encourage you-yes, you are in a tough spot, but there could be a bright side. Please don't feel pressured to do anything you do not want to.

Of course it’s different to have a 20 year old at 63. OP is going through a divorce which has probably put a dent in her savings, and she may be raising kids well into her senior years even though she currently has no means to support herself or them. She will still be supporting her kids at an age when she should be saving everything for retirement. OTOH if you’re 43 with adult children, you have years to ramp up your retirement savings, and all the time and energy to focus on your work. I think she should prioritize herself and her existing child. Even though she will get child support for both kids, it will still be expensive. She will be a financially strapped single mom, and it’s doubtful that her boyfriend of 3 months will stick around to help her out in her old age.

I'll have a 20 year old when I'm 57. I am so much more prepared to guide that 20 year old at the age of 57 than I would have been at 37. I've had 20 more years of life experience under my belt. That is a good thing!

Anonymous wrote:I would have terminated immediately. You are 43. Who needs a 20 yr old at age 63!

OP has a 3 year old. She’s already going to have a 20 year old when she’s 60. Having a second child who will be 20 when OP is 63 won’t be much different.

OP here, thank you all again... bf has custody of his teenage daughter, his other children are grown and independent. He sees his children and provides financially so no worries there. I don't think he's a hobosexual (which that term made me laugh, thanks!) I'm still torn, I'm thinking this is the worst timing ever and I dont' want to be a struggling single mom... but I can't help wanting a sibling for my child and adding to my family...my parents are deceased and I have no family around and being blessed with this surprise baby seems unreal right now... waiting on my dr's appt. Thank you all for your advice-

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The literally worse thing you can do after a failed marriage is have a baby with someone you don't know. Get the abortion and birth control. Keep in mind the divorce and baby affects your child negatively even if you believe it's something you want.

I say this as someone that had an accidental pregnancy with a man that is destructive and abusive. Abusers try to hook women in fast before they see red flags.

Please dont let the BF move in. Worst decision I ever made. Ex military, ptsd, a host of lies and a trail of tears with many women behind it.

Please consider the abortion, concentrate on your three year old.

This happened to you. It doesn’t mean it will happen to her. OP, you are very early in your pregnancy. The chance of miscarriage is very high at your age.

This is true. the boyfriend part. miscarriage probability depends on many factors; dont listen to DCUM advice on that.

Regarding the boyfriend though... do the DCUM "hobo"sexual test first. I did not misspell anything.


1. Does he currently live completely on his own and pay his own mortgage/rent ontime?
2. Has he offered to seek a new home for you and baby (and other kids) AND clearly stated that he will either pay or contribute financially to the new home?
3. Does he have ZERO mental illnesses or substance addiction that he struggles to manage?
4. Have you done a background check AND he is clear of questionable arrests or credit issues?
5. Does bf have other kids that he sees regularly and provides substantially for?
6. Have you ever slept at his home and were you comfortable there?

Give 0 points for each yes, 5 points for each no.

If he scores 0 points, not a hobosexual.
If he scores 5-10 points, potential hobosexual.
15 or more points... google hobosexual. this guy is one. and probably narcissitic too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have terminated immediately. You are 43. Who needs a 20 yr old at age 63!

This makes no sense. So you have an ADULT 20 year old at 63. What if you had a 20yo ADULT at 43? Seriously, what is the difference? It's not like you're 63 with a toddler.

I had my lil one at 43, and I also have adult children. I love being a mom again. My pregnancy was smooth. I'm so glad it happened. OP, I want to encourage you-yes, you are in a tough spot, but there could be a bright side. Please don't feel pressured to do anything you do not want to.

Of course it’s different to have a 20 year old at 63. OP is going through a divorce which has probably put a dent in her savings, and she may be raising kids well into her senior years even though she currently has no means to support herself or them. She will still be supporting her kids at an age when she should be saving everything for retirement. OTOH if you’re 43 with adult children, you have years to ramp up your retirement savings, and all the time and energy to focus on your work. I think she should prioritize herself and her existing child. Even though she will get child support for both kids, it will still be expensive. She will be a financially strapped single mom, and it’s doubtful that her boyfriend of 3 months will stick around to help her out in her old age.

I won't tell you what to do about the pregnancy. But DO NOT have your boyfriend move in. You barely know him and it's not fair to your kid. At best, it's just a major transition time in their life and they need you and your support. At worst...well I'll let you figure it out.

Anonymous wrote:I would have terminated immediately. You are 43. Who needs a 20 yr old at age 63!

This makes no sense. So you have an ADULT 20 year old at 63. What if you had a 20yo ADULT at 43? Seriously, what is the difference? It's not like you're 63 with a toddler.

I had my lil one at 43, and I also have adult children. I love being a mom again. My pregnancy was smooth. I'm so glad it happened. OP, I want to encourage you-yes, you are in a tough spot, but there could be a bright side. Please don't feel pressured to do anything you do not want to.

I would have terminated immediately. You are 43. Who needs a 20 yr old at age 63!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The literally worse thing you can do after a failed marriage is have a baby with someone you don't know. Get the abortion and birth control. Keep in mind the divorce and baby affects your child negatively even if you believe it's something you want.

I say this as someone that had an accidental pregnancy with a man that is destructive and abusive. Abusers try to hook women in fast before they see red flags.

Please dont let the BF move in. Worst decision I ever made. Ex military, ptsd, a host of lies and a trail of tears with many women behind it.

Please consider the abortion, concentrate on your three year old.

This happened to you. It doesn’t mean it will happen to her. OP, you are very early in your pregnancy. The chance of miscarriage is very high at your age.