Anonymous
07/30/2019 11:53
Subject: Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
My friend got married at 44, had 2 IVF babies - at 46 and 48.
Anonymous
07/30/2019 07:13
Subject: Re:Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I know two people for sure who easily got pregnant in their 40s with their first (and subsequent) children, no fertility treatments needed. One confided to my sister that she had heard how hard it would be but that it happened so easily and that my sister shouldn’t be afraid of all the horror stories.
Anecdota isn't data! For those two women you know there are probably two dozen who needed fertility treatments or couldn't have kids. We need to stop lying to women and pretending that it's so easy to just have a baby when you feel like it. I'm 31 and half my friends have had fertility issues, including myself. Just because 2% of 40 somethings will have an oops baby doesn't mean that's the norm. Look at the actual data people!
PP here. I know that. I myself had fertility problems and so did my husband (severe MFI, as a matter of fact). And so does my sister, but she doesn't want kids anyway. I was just responding to some people who said they didn't know anyone in their 40s who got pregnant with bio children and no fertility treatments. It does happen and those people shouldn't be accused of lying.
I don't think those people are lying, I think our culture is lying. Celebrities who have babies well into their forties, egg freezing clinics, etc etc. It seems like it's accepted as fact that you can put off having a baby until later when that's really not the case. I just wish it wasn't taboo to say "this is going to be borderline impossible unless you're really, really luck or really, really rich"
I used to think like you but a professional changed my mind. I was 39 when we were trying for our second, and after four months, I went to a fertility clinic because I was convinced I'd need IVF. They ran my numbers and the doctor said "these are average for your age but since you already have a living child, we know you are most likely fertile. Past evidence of fertility is the single biggest success factor in "older" women." We still went with various tests, took the IVF class, etc. and then got pregnant naturally. I emailed the doctor to tell her I would be dropping out and she wrote back a version of "told you so."
If a fertility specialist was optimistic about my chances at 39.5, it was probably based on hard, cold quantitative data.
See and I had the opposite experience. Pregnant on the first try at 35, and super easy pregnancy and delivery. I had no reason to believe I'd have any kind of infertility problem. Started TTC #2 at 37. I'm now 42, we tried everything under the sun to have a second child, and I have had zero pregnancies in the 6 years we've been trying. I also heard the same thing from the many REs I went to see during this time. They told me I was "sub-fertile" but not "infertile" because all my tests were normal, and no male factor. Now I'm 42 and we recently gave up TTC after 6 years with not a single positive pregnancy test.
Anonymous
07/30/2019 06:35
Subject: Re:Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I know two people for sure who easily got pregnant in their 40s with their first (and subsequent) children, no fertility treatments needed. One confided to my sister that she had heard how hard it would be but that it happened so easily and that my sister shouldn’t be afraid of all the horror stories.
Anecdota isn't data! For those two women you know there are probably two dozen who needed fertility treatments or couldn't have kids. We need to stop lying to women and pretending that it's so easy to just have a baby when you feel like it. I'm 31 and half my friends have had fertility issues, including myself. Just because 2% of 40 somethings will have an oops baby doesn't mean that's the norm. Look at the actual data people!
PP here. I know that. I myself had fertility problems and so did my husband (severe MFI, as a matter of fact). And so does my sister, but she doesn't want kids anyway. I was just responding to some people who said they didn't know anyone in their 40s who got pregnant with bio children and no fertility treatments. It does happen and those people shouldn't be accused of lying.
I don't think those people are lying, I think our culture is lying. Celebrities who have babies well into their forties, egg freezing clinics, etc etc. It seems like it's accepted as fact that you can put off having a baby until later when that's really not the case. I just wish it wasn't taboo to say "this is going to be borderline impossible unless you're really, really luck or really, really rich"
I used to think like you but a professional changed my mind. I was 39 when we were trying for our second, and after four months, I went to a fertility clinic because I was convinced I'd need IVF. They ran my numbers and the doctor said "these are average for your age but since you already have a living child, we know you are most likely fertile. Past evidence of fertility is the single biggest success factor in "older" women." We still went with various tests, took the IVF class, etc. and then got pregnant naturally. I emailed the doctor to tell her I would be dropping out and she wrote back a version of "told you so."
If a fertility specialist was optimistic about my chances at 39.5, it was probably based on hard, cold quantitative data.
Anonymous
07/29/2019 20:20
Subject: Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
OP, your friend want to have options if a 35 yo, except she is about 7 years late and had no money. Not a very good combo.
Anonymous
07/29/2019 13:18
Subject: Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
I have a friend who needed several years of IVF to have the 1st child, but then several years later, had a baby with no IVF or extraordinary measures at age 44. So it can be done.
Anonymous
07/29/2019 09:58
Subject: Re:Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I know two people for sure who easily got pregnant in their 40s with their first (and subsequent) children, no fertility treatments needed. One confided to my sister that she had heard how hard it would be but that it happened so easily and that my sister shouldn’t be afraid of all the horror stories.
Anecdota isn't data! For those two women you know there are probably two dozen who needed fertility treatments or couldn't have kids. We need to stop lying to women and pretending that it's so easy to just have a baby when you feel like it. I'm 31 and half my friends have had fertility issues, including myself. Just because 2% of 40 somethings will have an oops baby doesn't mean that's the norm. Look at the actual data people!
Right, but that just goes to show you fertility problems are not always age related. It's not lying to women - women are smart and can look into the stats. The problem is population wide is not individual data.
This issue is tied up with a lot of underlying misogyny. We tell women they better hurry up or they will be worthless and barron. Women in their 40s who have unintended pregnancy? They should have known better. I'm 43 and just got berated by my obgyn for wanting to not replace my IUD.
Anonymous
07/29/2019 09:11
Subject: Re:Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I know two people for sure who easily got pregnant in their 40s with their first (and subsequent) children, no fertility treatments needed. One confided to my sister that she had heard how hard it would be but that it happened so easily and that my sister shouldn’t be afraid of all the horror stories.
Anecdota isn't data! For those two women you know there are probably two dozen who needed fertility treatments or couldn't have kids. We need to stop lying to women and pretending that it's so easy to just have a baby when you feel like it. I'm 31 and half my friends have had fertility issues, including myself. Just because 2% of 40 somethings will have an oops baby doesn't mean that's the norm. Look at the actual data people!
PP here. I know that. I myself had fertility problems and so did my husband (severe MFI, as a matter of fact). And so does my sister, but she doesn't want kids anyway. I was just responding to some people who said they didn't know anyone in their 40s who got pregnant with bio children and no fertility treatments. It does happen and those people shouldn't be accused of lying.
I don't think those people are lying, I think our culture is lying. Celebrities who have babies well into their forties, egg freezing clinics, etc etc. It seems like it's accepted as fact that you can put off having a baby until later when that's really not the case. I just wish it wasn't taboo to say "this is going to be borderline impossible unless you're really, really luck or really, really rich"
Anonymous
07/29/2019 09:06
Subject: Re:Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I know two people for sure who easily got pregnant in their 40s with their first (and subsequent) children, no fertility treatments needed. One confided to my sister that she had heard how hard it would be but that it happened so easily and that my sister shouldn’t be afraid of all the horror stories.
Anecdota isn't data! For those two women you know there are probably two dozen who needed fertility treatments or couldn't have kids. We need to stop lying to women and pretending that it's so easy to just have a baby when you feel like it. I'm 31 and half my friends have had fertility issues, including myself. Just because 2% of 40 somethings will have an oops baby doesn't mean that's the norm. Look at the actual data people!
PP here. I know that. I myself had fertility problems and so did my husband (severe MFI, as a matter of fact). And so does my sister, but she doesn't want kids anyway. I was just responding to some people who said they didn't know anyone in their 40s who got pregnant with bio children and no fertility treatments. It does happen and those people shouldn't be accused of lying.
Anonymous
07/29/2019 08:59
Subject: Re:Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
Anonymous wrote:I know two people for sure who easily got pregnant in their 40s with their first (and subsequent) children, no fertility treatments needed. One confided to my sister that she had heard how hard it would be but that it happened so easily and that my sister shouldn’t be afraid of all the horror stories.
Anecdota isn't data! For those two women you know there are probably two dozen who needed fertility treatments or couldn't have kids. We need to stop lying to women and pretending that it's so easy to just have a baby when you feel like it. I'm 31 and half my friends have had fertility issues, including myself. Just because 2% of 40 somethings will have an oops baby doesn't mean that's the norm. Look at the actual data people!
Anonymous
07/29/2019 08:44
Subject: Re:Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
I know two people for sure who easily got pregnant in their 40s with their first (and subsequent) children, no fertility treatments needed. One confided to my sister that she had heard how hard it would be but that it happened so easily and that my sister shouldn’t be afraid of all the horror stories.
Anonymous
07/28/2019 22:43
Subject: Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
Anonymous wrote:Yes but it’s not his child. He thinks so though.
Why wouldn't be his child? They were married 2 years prior to the baby. I think you may have read something incorrectly.
Anonymous
07/28/2019 22:38
Subject: Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
My friend/coworker did conceive naturally at 44, delivered at 45. Her boyfriend didn't particularly want (any more) kids after his first marriage ended. He just said, 'whatever happens happens" slyly thinking my friend would never get pregnant at 44. She did.
Anonymous
07/28/2019 22:33
Subject: Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
Yes but it’s not his child. He thinks so though.
Anonymous
07/28/2019 22:32
Subject: Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
My neighbor just had an oops child at age 46 with her new husband. He thought he was "safe" since he married a mid-40s woman. Joke's on him.
Anonymous
07/27/2019 10:09
Subject: Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?
I dont know anyone getting pregnant in their 40's. If she has had infertility issues in her 30's then its not going to happen for her.
Donor egg would work but she doesnt have the money. Most men in their 40's are probably looking to date a woman in her 30's especially if they want kids.
Perhaps being a step mom may work for her.
Donor egg would work but she doesnt have the money. Most men in their 40's are probably looking to date a woman in her 30's especially if they want kids.
Perhaps being a step mom may work for her.