As far as telling him or the other spouse, what purpose does that serve? You don't know the other spouse, so you have no idea how she will react. What if she kicks him out? Where do you think he'll turn?

If you are trying to save your marriage, focus on you and that. She has to come to terms with why she cheated because until she resolves that issue (and realizes that it's about her and not about you), things will not improve.

Anonymous wrote:how was your marriage at the time and how were you leading up to the affair as a husband?

why does this even f*cking matter? are you suggesting he is at fault?

The problem is you can never trust a cheater. You will always have doubt. I could not live like this.

10:26, 10:30 and 10:33 are all spot on. your wife is straight up lying to you right now. there is NO CHANCE IN F*CKING HELL that the affair is over.

you are in a bad place, understandably so. but individual therapy will help you get to a stronger emotional place - from there you will find strength to do what YOU WANT.

While you say you don't want to make any big decisions right now, she has to turn over all electronic to you, she has to start to account for all her time out of the house (and that needs to be validated), and your finances (accounts, credit cards, etc.) need to be under your sole control. This is just so that you avoid getting ruined financially by your lying, cheating wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a better man than I am. I couldn’t possibly stay with a person I cannot trust. That’s far worse than sexless life in my view. Should you tell the other person? I don’t see why not. She needs to know.

This man is going to disagree. Luckily, I have not been in either situation but I could survive an affair. I might want to get even but I could survive. Sexlessness would have me gone. What's the point?

I don’t like second served sex. Particularly knowing she enjoyed first served better and that’s not you. Live like that? I just don’t see how.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a better man than I am. I couldn’t possibly stay with a person I cannot trust. That’s far worse than sexless life in my view. Should you tell the other person? I don’t see why not. She needs to know.

This man is going to disagree. Luckily, I have not been in either situation but I could survive an affair. I might want to get even but I could survive. Sexlessness would have me gone. What's the point?

You really do not know until you're in the situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reverse the sexes and people here would be calling the husband scum, and telling the wife to take him for everything. No one would be asking if she was a good wife, etc.

She’s a cheater, always will be. Have some dignity and leave.

*snort

Reverse the sexes and the first page would have included at least two questions about OP's weight.

Let's not pretend misogyny isn't a thing on this board.

LOL this board is overwhelmingly anti-male, blame-the-man-for-everything, woman-is-always-the-victim.

Which stands to reason since most of the posters are female.

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Is she remorseful?

Cheaters are only ever sorry they got caught, not about what they actually did.

Anonymous wrote:You are a better man than I am. I couldn’t possibly stay with a person I cannot trust. That’s far worse than sexless life in my view. Should you tell the other person? I don’t see why not. She needs to know.

This man is going to disagree. Luckily, I have not been in either situation but I could survive an affair. I might want to get even but I could survive. Sexlessness would have me gone. What's the point?

your wife is a slut. Do you want to be married to a slut?

Anonymous wrote:Ask yourself how good of a husband and Dad you were? If fabulous then you have the upper hand. How much custody to protect your children from their corrupt wife are you seeking?

If he didnt have an affair, he has the upper hand.

Anonymous wrote:Typical DCUM. if it was a man cheating, everyone would be in favor of telling the co workers spouse. And now we see posters blaming the husband for causing this to occur.

No. The man would most definitely be at risk for being fired and/or sued for sexual harassment. The wife would not be making a wise move jeopardizing the income stream

Typical DCUM. if it was a man cheating, everyone would be in favor of telling the co workers spouse. And now we see posters blaming the husband for causing this to occur.

Anonymous wrote:how was your marriage at the time and how were you leading up to the affair as a husband?

Here we go......
Blaming the victim here.

No one deserves to be cheated on.
Bar none.

Is she at all in a supervisory position? If so, this guy could claim sexual harassment and sue your wife and you for damages. I’d be careful of jeopardizing your wife’s (Ex or not) career and the income stream and assets. She does, however, need to find a new job.