Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I say there’s a HUGE difference between not allowing random snacking or closing the kitchen after dinner and closing the kitchen between breakfast and dinner. Huge.

Why not a happy medium and let people serve themselves, and clean up after themselves?

When we go to my in-laws they just won’t serve lunch. We started bringing peanut butter and bread and serving kids in our rooms. There’s nothing in her kitchen to serve ourselves and they don’t want us to leave. I do think it’s rude of we went through her cabinets searching for lunch food or cooking when no one else wants to eat. Kids like lunch though.

People who don’t serve lunch but won’t let you go out are crazy.

Anonymous wrote:Snacking all day??! Do you have young kids or kids at all? That’s not a good idea and wtf do they do when they’re in school 7+ hours a day?

Do you get that there’s a difference between holiday/vacation mode and real life? As long as you clean up after yourself, do whatever in my kitchen.

We aren’t fat at all but we are not thin enough for MIL. I think she is trying to get us to lose a few pounds while we visit them, as well as demonstrate her own bizarre “discipline”. She does not serve lunch and has wine for dinner mostly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to that other thread, no food or drink whatsoever. Because you might make crumbs or spills. That lady has issues.

The kitchen is closed is a foreign concept to my family. It would be like saying the bathroom is closed. No, like the bathroom, the kitchen is for use when you need it. Just clean up after yourself.

Yeah, the people I know that have a "kitchen is closed" rule tend to have disordered cleaning issues and food issues. Everyone must be stick thin, they are the controllers of the food adn their word is law, and there must not be anything out of place or a crumb ever.

NP. You just described my MIL to a T.

Anonymous wrote:I love these old ladies who stay in the kitchen all day and night cooking and cleaning for everyone else. Bravo.

OLD ladies?

Aren’t you charming?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Some white people maybe. My mom will make ten times the amount of food needed for any type of guest. The biggest problem with being her guest is trying to leave without being overfull.

Should we start discussing some other issues as "cultural" things, like that would make it OK? You may be interested to know the demographics of the vast majority of people I've met who are on time, drive well, speak English properly, and "trust banks."

DP -- I get your point, and I don't think it is a race issue, but food is an area around which there are a lot of cultural "norms." I agree that strict policies around food are the result of personal issues (OCD, disordered eating, etc), but I do think there are some cultures that highly value hospitality and strongly associate food with that, and for which it would be unacceptable to not provide abundant and frequent refreshments. In other words, all kinds of people can have these tendencies, but there are some cultures that so strongly frown upon it that it's repressed, and others for which other cultural norms (privacy, frugality) may encourage, or at least no inhibit, such behavior.

I remember two particular funerals that happened one year. One was my cousin's daughter. The other was my FIL. My extended family was mostly Lutheran. After the cousin's daughter's service, an entire wall of the sanctuary rolled away revealing tables like in a chain family restaurant, with a huge assortment of ham, scalloped potatoes, meatballs, green bean casseroles, salads, carrot and celery sticks, pickles, bars, etc (done by the church ladies). This was in a farming community. My ILs were UMC--he was in the oil leasing business--Presbyterians, living in a lovely home in a very nice suburb. After his funeral the church had coffee and some very thin packaged cookies. These were all people who wear suits and ties to work.

From what I remember of holidays with relatives in my family, there really wasn't much snacking--probably midafternoon coffee and leftover desserts or something. But they pretty much all came out of farm families originally, and holiday meals were served at regular mealtimes. The big holiday meal would be at noon, not in the evening. Supper (supper was the evening meal, lunch was the midafternoon pick-me-up) would be leftovers from the holiday meal. None of this feeling faint due to blood sugar dropping during a 7 hour gap between a light breakfast and the main event, which is what happens at my SIL's house (although she's not maniacal about "kitchen is closed" because DH has always been a skinny eater who has 5-6 meals a day).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry from the other thread but just want to understand.. kitchen is closed meaning no cooking/heating.. but snacks or fruit ok? do people think no food or drink whatsoever? that would not go well with kids or even adults who would get hangry and need snack between breakfast and dinner. Would you deny your family and guests any and all food until the appointed time?

Houseguests need to bring their own stupid food— especially if they eat a lot, eat frequently, or have particular tastes/preferences.

Kitchen is closed means stop Messi g up my kitchen with crumbs, cooking, dirty dishes, etc. And screwing up the meals schedule. If you’re 6+ hours jet lag get your own food and schedule.

You shouldn't host anyone.

I love these old ladies who stay in the kitchen all day and night cooking and cleaning for everyone else. Bravo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.

No, I think some cultures (which does not equate to race, btw) have different standards of hospitality, where denying your guests food would be unthinkable.

I learned this when I lived abroad in Spain. Some American grad students threw a party with booze only. The Spaniards were amazed and embarrassed that there was no food!

Oh really? Which white culture are we discussing? Irish? British? French? New York Jewish? American Southern? Midwestern? No one has said anything but WHITE.

The one that closes the kitchen and starves people obviously. Keep up.

Being hungry is different from “being fed food all day long”.

No one not gaining weight eats food all day long. The individual can take only small portions or say No Thanks to the third lunch or early plus late dinners. You don’t turn on the Pig Out switch just because someone is hosting you. You can eat and not overeat; that is in YOUR control.

Houseguests = paper plates and taking the garbage out daily.

Snacking all day??! Do you have young kids or kids at all? That’s not a good idea and wtf do they do when they’re in school 7+ hours a day?

Anonymous wrote:sorry from the other thread but just want to understand.. kitchen is closed meaning no cooking/heating.. but snacks or fruit ok? do people think no food or drink whatsoever? that would not go well with kids or even adults who would get hangry and need snack between breakfast and dinner. Would you deny your family and guests any and all food until the appointed time?

Houseguests need to bring their own stupid food— especially if they eat a lot, eat frequently, or have particular tastes/preferences.

Kitchen is closed means stop Messi g up my kitchen with crumbs, cooking, dirty dishes, etc. And screwing up the meals schedule. If you’re 6+ hours jet lag get your own food and schedule.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad says this. He means he’s not cooking or washing any more dishes. If you heat up some leftovers, have a snack, or get a drink, you clean up after yourselves.

This is what it meant in my house growing up too. Only, it was my mom who said it. Drinks were always okay.

That's what it meant at our house, too.

I wonder if hearty meals mean one drumstick per growing male teen to that one ocd pp? And some green beans on the side?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why everyone is criticizing. I also close my kitchen after meals. I make hearty meals - there’s no need to go into the kitchen every couple of hours. I agree with the previous poster who said this is why there’s an obesity problem in this country.

The one relative I have who does what you do this is massively obese. This is a control issue.

Yes, this about about control and keeping a house OCD clean with the least amount of effort.