Op - hopefully you hire a nanny but you and DH need to be on the same page when SIL comes calling when MIL is sick. She’s going to expect that your nanny can take care of her kids when her free childcare goes away!

Anonymous wrote:I think a trial run is in order. One week of this and MIL will have had enough. Try it out now, before you return to work, so that you have time to make backup plans. Then try for shared help where cost is split. My instincts tell me MIL will want the help and this will be the push for SIL to cover her share of the cost.

I wouldn't put my newborn in suboptimal care for even a week. What if MIL decides to let the baby sleep on its tummy or in the carseat an ignores the baby because she's overwhelmed?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a good solution is to get a helper for MIL. You can call SIL and tell her about your concerns about MILs ability to handle all the children alone, and discuss coming up with a solution. Mention the idea of getting a helper. The key is to communicate.

OP's DH doesn't want to pay for a nanny, but somehow she's going to find a grandmother's helper, for cheaper, to work the same hours as a nanny? Which will essentially be a nanny? That doesn't even make sense. Good luck finding a quality grandmother's helper, to work full time, for less than the cost of a nanny.

Just get a nanny. FFS

You left out the part where this unicorn person will also want to have 3 bosses.

MIL is the boss not the parents. One boss.

That's an even stupider scenario. So her boss would be the person not paying her?

Just get a nanny. The REASON you hire a nanny is to be able to be the boss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a good solution is to get a helper for MIL. You can call SIL and tell her about your concerns about MILs ability to handle all the children alone, and discuss coming up with a solution. Mention the idea of getting a helper. The key is to communicate.

OP's DH doesn't want to pay for a nanny, but somehow she's going to find a grandmother's helper, for cheaper, to work the same hours as a nanny? Which will essentially be a nanny? That doesn't even make sense. Good luck finding a quality grandmother's helper, to work full time, for less than the cost of a nanny.

Just get a nanny. FFS

You left out the part where this unicorn person will also want to have 3 bosses.

MIL is the boss not the parents. One boss.

You’re so funny. You really think that the two families paying this unicorn helper are going to defer to that? Try again.

I think a trial run is in order. One week of this and MIL will have had enough. Try it out now, before you return to work, so that you have time to make backup plans. Then try for shared help where cost is split. My instincts tell me MIL will want the help and this will be the push for SIL to cover her share of the cost.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a good solution is to get a helper for MIL. You can call SIL and tell her about your concerns about MILs ability to handle all the children alone, and discuss coming up with a solution. Mention the idea of getting a helper. The key is to communicate.

OP's DH doesn't want to pay for a nanny, but somehow she's going to find a grandmother's helper, for cheaper, to work the same hours as a nanny? Which will essentially be a nanny? That doesn't even make sense. Good luck finding a quality grandmother's helper, to work full time, for less than the cost of a nanny.

Just get a nanny. FFS

You left out the part where this unicorn person will also want to have 3 bosses.

MIL is the boss not the parents. One boss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ho on earth are these people thinking that it's a good idea for a 60+ lady to watch 3 little kids full-time?

No idea! This would be a moot point in my home. I wouldn't even entertain talk of an old frail person of ANY sort watching my kid more than a few hours here and there.

My DH could sulk all he wants.

60 isn’t old and frail. I’m 59 and keep my toddler and infant grandchildren for my kids while they work and for weekly sleepovers. How insulting.

PP, it might help if you actually read the first post of this entire thread where the OP describes her MIL, particularly this:

My MIL has some chronic health issues that flare up from time to time and she is relatively frail and not in the greatest health.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ho on earth are these people thinking that it's a good idea for a 60+ lady to watch 3 little kids full-time?

No idea! This would be a moot point in my home. I wouldn't even entertain talk of an old frail person of ANY sort watching my kid more than a few hours here and there.

My DH could sulk all he wants.

60 isn’t old and frail. I’m 59 and keep my toddler and infant grandchildren for my kids while they work and for weekly sleepovers. How insulting.

Anonymous wrote:I would be really pissed at SIL about this, not DH. She isn’t holding up her end of the deal, and she is leaving you in the lurch.

I would have DH call her and let her know that she needs to find some kind of alternate childcare by October because MIL is going to be helping you guys out then. Stop fighting with your husband. He didn’t do anything wrong here.

WTF?!?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a good solution is to get a helper for MIL. You can call SIL and tell her about your concerns about MILs ability to handle all the children alone, and discuss coming up with a solution. Mention the idea of getting a helper. The key is to communicate.

OP's DH doesn't want to pay for a nanny, but somehow she's going to find a grandmother's helper, for cheaper, to work the same hours as a nanny? Which will essentially be a nanny? That doesn't even make sense. Good luck finding a quality grandmother's helper, to work full time, for less than the cost of a nanny.

Just get a nanny. FFS

You left out the part where this unicorn person will also want to have 3 bosses.

Anonymous wrote:I think a good solution is to get a helper for MIL. You can call SIL and tell her about your concerns about MILs ability to handle all the children alone, and discuss coming up with a solution. Mention the idea of getting a helper. The key is to communicate.

OP's DH doesn't want to pay for a nanny, but somehow she's going to find a grandmother's helper, for cheaper, to work the same hours as a nanny? Which will essentially be a nanny? That doesn't even make sense. Good luck finding a quality grandmother's helper, to work full time, for less than the cost of a nanny.

Just get a nanny. FFS

SIL relationship and arrangements are their own business. MIL doesn't owe your husband childcare, but she has graciously offered anyhow. I agree it isn't safe, and I don't think her watching infants and toddlers full time period Is safe either.

It is not reasonable to expect her to stop watching SIL kids though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must make a very large income to only spend 40%.

You are weird. I quit my job in a similar situation. I wasn’t going to work for only 60%pay while missing time with my kid.

1. Sometimes work isn’t only about pay.

2. Didn’t get off page 1. Don’t you have cookies to bake?

Your DH has no clue. Prioritize your baby over DH/MIL/SIL.

If you can't put baby in daycare because of medical/immune issues, why would you expose to 2 toddlers (peak of germs) and an exhausted grandma?

MIL is expected to clean, launder, cook, childcare for 3? She does not owe DH anything, except loving her grandkid. She will burn out quickly and then you'll be scrambling for an alternative. Everything you've pointed out to DH is spot on. Blow up the childcare for SIL and he adds angst to all the relationships. MIL winds up trying to keep the peace and runs herself into the ground. DH doesn't respect his mother or your choices.

Hard no...your the mother, your decision.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ho on earth are these people thinking that it's a good idea for a 60+ lady to watch 3 little kids full-time?

No idea! This would be a moot point in my home. I wouldn't even entertain talk of an old frail person of ANY sort watching my kid more than a few hours here and there.

My DH could sulk all he wants.

And what is the plan if MIL’s health takes a turn for the worse?