Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She lives out of state. Otherwise I would have punted long ago. After years of not so subtle belittling, age has done away with all inhibitions. Her mother was just diagnosed with lung cancer and I mentioned there were immunotherapy trials and some in practice. I got back a tirade of nastiness, snark and personal insults about how stupid and thoughtless I am. I essentially told her to f off

Done. Feels good

Are you an oncologist, OP?

Even if you are, the correct response to a friend sharing this information is “oh no, I’m so sorry. (Share something positive about her mother, of yiu kmow her). Is there anything I can do? Do you want to talk about it?”

Based on your description of the situation, I actually wonder who has the NPD.

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess, you’ve never had a very close loved one diagnosed with a terminal cancer?

When you are presented with facts from experts —Hopkins, Georgetown, Sloane k, etc. the last thing you want is for some inconsiderate a-hole to tell you all the people they knew who bear it or all the things you should be doing, where your relative should be going, etc.

I had people make light of diagnosis by comparing completely unrelated cancers their parents had which were known to gave better outcomes in the first place.

“I’m so sorry.” And be there to help with meals or anything else the family might need.

Op, it sounds like you are one of those people that want to make the situation about you instead of just being there for a friend. True friends stand by one another under stress and grief and when they might snap because of it.