OP, maybe you don't have to ask for a postnup but you could brinkg up some of the elements in conversation which might bring you peace of mind. Bring up the concept of maintaining your retirement benefits at least. Also separate, no questions asked, spending money. Clarify that his salary is completely joint funds. What other household tasks will be added to your roster? This is more relationship insurance than a financial plan. I'm in CA so I automatically get half but if that is not the case in your area make sure you legally share on all assets.

I also highly recommend maintaining working skills, experience, connections as much as possible. Easy to say, tough to do.

I am a few years into being a SAHM. I have a PhD and left a career to stay with my children (plan was 1 year but its been 7!). My husband became a controlling nightmare who suddenly expected his paycheck to be his ONLY contribution.

After trying to reason with him for several years its over and looking at my job prospects are not fun.

I see the value of a postnup. A person considering pausing their career is taking on risk and moving to a weaker position. This postnup could even the playing field and share the risk. Ultimately the working spouse get many benefits for himself and his children by having a SAHP. The SAHS also get benefits with with many drawbacks.

If the working spouse is willing to say I value your work as a SAHP to the point I am willing to risk some of my salary and acknowledge you are giving some up too, then you have an equal partner.

My buddy a Partner in a Big Four firm married for the first time at the age of 43 to a smoking hot 33 year old ex-stripper. He

He was ten years older and balding. She was five foot nine inch blonde with a killer body.

He mentioned to his lawyer about a pre-nup. He said son you do realize when she is marrying you? If you ask she would say no. My best advice, keep your assets separate till you have kids.

That was in 2006. Today all the assets are together and they have three kids.

Roll of a dice those things.

Anonymous wrote:Marry someone where you don’t have to have this stress.

really helpful advice now

What are your assets OP? I’ve been at home since I was 28, am now 40. However in that time we’ve built up so much wealth (close to paying off both our residence and our rental, significant retirement and taxable investments, college paid for, etc) that if we were to divorce I’d walk away with significant assets. I also have some money from when my mom passed.

But my biggest comfort is that DH is far too concerned with financial inefficiency to divorce! Lol. The idea of splitting the money and having two households to pay for would drive him bonkers.

Marry someone where you don’t have to have this stress.