Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childless people like my Aunt have siblings and nieces and nephews

But my grandmother's siblings are all dead. And do nieces and nephews really provide the same kind of loving care that a child would?

Often but not always a childless person may have a very special relationship with nieces and nephews that is not typical of someone with their own kids. I know my sister does. And I know several other childless women in their 40’s who are extremely close with nieces or newlywed. Not sure how that relationship will be when the nieces and nephews are adults but I do imagine my own kids would care for my sister in her old age in much the way they would for DH and me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

Because she went to work?

Because she never valued unpaid labor.

You still sound like the asshole here

Anonymous wrote:yeah my 50 yo ex leaves eldercare to his younger nieces who are in their 20s. super unfair to them but hes a general asshole.

he will con some poor woman to care for his fat ass.

His young nieces are taking care of the elderly grandparents?

yeah my 50 yo ex leaves eldercare to his younger nieces who are in their 20s. super unfair to them but hes a general asshole.

he will con some poor woman to care for his fat ass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

Because she went to work?

Because she never valued unpaid labor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

Because she went to work?

I think your brother is going to leave all the eldercare to you. It's a rare man who doesn't leave care work to a woman. I learned from DCUM.

He’s already doing it. He’s a rare man, indeed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

Because she went to work?

I think your brother is going to leave all the eldercare to you. It's a rare man who doesn't leave care work to a woman. I learned from DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

Because she went to work?

My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know but I hope I die before I become a burden. I have 1 son and I don’t think he is going to take care of me (judging by his 9 yo personality).
I hope there is assisted suicide by then too.

He'll grow up. Give it time.

But I do hope for an assisted suicide option too.

Everyone says this, but how many people would really have the nerve to go through with it?

Take a tour of a medicade facility where you are sharing a room and left to die in a bed 22 hours a day.

My plan is vodka and OxyContin. It will only get worse as poor boomers dominate eldercare.

Say you can live to 80 without any problems, maybe the last 20 years you are a much higher risk of developing problems. If you didn't have kids, your first 80 years of life would be of a much higher quality without burden and you would also have way more money to take vacations, eat well etc. Someone on this thread mentioned having an advocate and my mom was like that for her mom but she was such a hindrance. She was obsessed with the notion that the nursing home was neglectful and that was why my grandma fell. When my grandma eventually developed a UTI and kidney infection while bedridden, my mom blamed the home but it really wasnt their fault. She doesn't and still doesnt understand how being immobile lowers someone's immune system because "I thought when mom was no longer walking, that she wouldn't have any more problems". And then when the hospital took two hours to inform my mom of her death, she complained again about how they might have tried to hide something but really, at what point do you pathologize death? I think it really had to do with her guilt that she wasn't able to care for her mom the way she did for her mom's mom. So personally, I don't see the need for an advocate. If you're so sure you will be abused at the end stage of your life, then it's better to end it earlier on your own terms.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is also the care giver for his dad who lives in a home. He pays all the bills, takes him to drs apts, is the only point of communication with staff, caregivers, insurers, Medicare etc. plus the emotional burden of making those decisions, time off of work etc. and I am the poster with FIL who lives in the $8200/month facility.
What happens when your “caregiver” child can’t afford to take off the afternoon to take you to a drs apt or meet with your care provider? There are so many ways this is going to completely devestate this country for generations. Plus the loss of passing on inherited wealth. To qualify for Medicaid you basically have to show zero asserts. States can go back and sue an estate to recoup costs. Children will inherit even less than before and I’m not talking about millionaires. Middle class kids who might inherit some savings or money from the sell of a house after their parents die.

I’m the older side of gen X. When I was I kid, most adults were not inheriting much when their parents died. “Inherited wealth” was something that applied only to very rich people.

Normal middle class people were not getting a whole lot when their parents passed away. The money those parents had earned during their lives was for their care when they were elderly and that is what it was used for. It is interesting how many people today believe that they are entitled to inheriting “wealth” and are annoyed when their parents live long enough to make use of their own earned money.

Ummm- this middle class lady hopes that she just get hit by a bus one day. Quick death.
My step mom is in a nursing home- no way I’d want to live like that.

My husband is also the care giver for his dad who lives in a home. He pays all the bills, takes him to drs apts, is the only point of communication with staff, caregivers, insurers, Medicare etc. plus the emotional burden of making those decisions, time off of work etc. and I am the poster with FIL who lives in the $8200/month facility.
What happens when your “caregiver” child can’t afford to take off the afternoon to take you to a drs apt or meet with your care provider? There are so many ways this is going to completely devestate this country for generations. Plus the loss of passing on inherited wealth. To qualify for Medicaid you basically have to show zero asserts. States can go back and sue an estate to recoup costs. Children will inherit even less than before and I’m not talking about millionaires. Middle class kids who might inherit some savings or money from the sell of a house after their parents die.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is the crisis American politicians need to be taking about. The failure to have adequate savings, healthcare for the aging population is going to sink this country. This is bigger than the student loan crisis, Wall Street fall out or housing crash. Long term care policies are no longer fianancially viable or even being sold. My FIL has an amazing policy that the insurers no longer even offers cause its a money loser. His “independent care” facility is $8200/month. Yes a month. After months of appeals his care policy kicked in and will cover $6k a month. Azherimer cade can run 11-15k month. The millineals can’t afford to buy homes much less care for aging parents. We also don’t have enough replacement babies or you g workers to support social security. Managers of nursing homes all know this shit is going to totally blow up. Even with Medicaid there just aren’t enough places to take in folks.

FTW. +100

I notice that the US nursing homes don't hireFilipino carers. If they did, the Hacienda scandal wouldn't have happened

Trump supporters would rather not have those Filipino care givers because they are sure there are many real Americans who would do the job, so we don't need to import anymore low skilled workers according to them.

So, why are nursing homes like the one my MIL is at cannot keep staff or keep their positions full. They are mainly African American (or African) workers with a few hispanic.