Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you saying mom and dad should be reserved for the bio parents ever been the child of divorce and had stepparents?

Doesn’t sound like it. As long as it was the kid’s decision then I don’t see the issue.

This! As a child of divorced parents and nanny to others, so much this!

I have no dog in this fight because I’m not divorced. But could you give me an example as to why a child might want to call a step parent Mom or Dad? And I know my question sounds judgmental. It isn’t meant to be. I am just curious.

They feel the same way about the step-parent that they do for their biological parents. A young child doesn’t separate feelings based on who gave birth to them or adopted them.

Selfishly, I would hate it... but I guess it’s great for the kid so I would try to push through it

My bio mother was toxic and my stepmother was a blessing so calling her mom was a gift. She has been there for me for thirty years and so much of who I am I owe to her being my mother.

Twelve years ago I married a man with three young children ages 7, 5 and 3 at the time and he had primary custody. I remember the 5 year old asking me if she should call me mom and I said “It’s up to you but remember you already have a mother but if someday you want to call me mom that would be very nice.” So for almost a year they called me by my first name which was fine by me but then the two youngest simply transitioned into calling me mom and a few months later the oldest did. We never made note of it or asked them why.....it just happened and it made me feel very good that I had earned my way into their hearts. Initially their bio mother was upset by it until she came to grips with the fact that I really loved and cared about her children. Over time she has sadly drifted away from her children so it’s nice they have someone to call mom on a daily basis.

I know this isn’t analogous but I always called my IL’s mom and dad and my husband called my parents mom and dad. I loved my IL’s dearly and I’m sad that they are both gone. My mother knows that I called another woman Mom and I’m sure she has never felt displaced by it. And I know that she loves that my husband calls her mom. It’s OK to love two people and call them both mom. If you don’t like that your daughter is calling someone else mom you need to deal with your own insecurities. You should be very happy that she really like this person.

My stepkids (now young adults) call me mom. We were custodial. Their biological mom saw them a couple of times a year. It was their decision. Frankly, I care about them and their feelings. My DH’s ex is not in my circle of concern at all. That may sound harsh, but it’s honest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you saying mom and dad should be reserved for the bio parents ever been the child of divorce and had stepparents?

Doesn’t sound like it. As long as it was the kid’s decision then I don’t see the issue.

This! As a child of divorced parents and nanny to others, so much this!

I have no dog in this fight because I’m not divorced. But could you give me an example as to why a child might want to call a step parent Mom or Dad? And I know my question sounds judgmental. It isn’t meant to be. I am just curious.

I’m a stepmom and my stepkids call me mom sometimes. Mostly when I’m doing something mom-like for them. Or when my biological kids have just called me mom, like I’m handing out vitamins or lunches or goodnight kisses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you saying mom and dad should be reserved for the bio parents ever been the child of divorce and had stepparents?

Doesn’t sound like it. As long as it was the kid’s decision then I don’t see the issue.

This! As a child of divorced parents and nanny to others, so much this!

I have no dog in this fight because I’m not divorced. But could you give me an example as to why a child might want to call a step parent Mom or Dad? And I know my question sounds judgmental. It isn’t meant to be. I am just curious.

You are being petty. Unless she was forced into it, it is your daughter’s decision. You may not like it but remember you are one of the two reasons she has a step mom.

I would never call anyone mom or dad except for my own parents. I call my stepmom by her first name, always have.

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you saying mom and dad should be reserved for the bio parents ever been the child of divorce and had stepparents?

Doesn’t sound like it. As long as it was the kid’s decision then I don’t see the issue.

This! As a child of divorced parents and nanny to others, so much this!

I can understand your jealousy.

The only thing you can really do is bite your tongue and be glad step-mom cares. Honor your daughter’s choice of what to call her, but you can keep referring to her by name or “your step-mom.”

OP - I am not in a divorced situation and am raising my kids with their father (only kids for both of us). However, my 14 year of DD has a good friend who splits her time between mom and dad. Both parents are remarried. DD’s friend suddenly started calling her stepmom “mom” and Mom was pretty upset. But like you, has chosen not to react. DD’s friend tell my DD that “Mom doesn’t care about me - she doesn’t even care that I started calling Elaine “mom””. In her particular case, it seemed to be yet another “do you still love me” questions. It’s hard to navigate but wanted to share that with you.

Anonymous wrote:My son better not ever fix his lips to call his stepmother "Mom". He would have to call her something else. Ms. Whatever her name is sounds good to me.
Whenever I get married again my son could never call his stepfather "Dad". I think it's totally disrespectful to the other parent.

Too bad it won’t be your choice, nor something you’ll get to control. That loss of control will probably burn you up the most based on your post.

My son better not ever fix his lips to call his stepmother "Mom". He would have to call her something else. Ms. Whatever her name is sounds good to me.
Whenever I get married again my son could never call his stepfather "Dad". I think it's totally disrespectful to the other parent.