Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are coming from another country so yes it is for a few weeks. We don’t care to drive around here so we do busses and subways. I guess we just feel differently about who should pay for and provide food when hosting. We are not from around here, we just want to play with the grandkids. The nanny is lovely.

This is the first world OP. Parents don’t deserve respect and consideration. I love my third world country where these small values still exist. I regret raising kids here. If this a sample of what average parents need to expect. Shame on you people. These are your parents. Treat them well in their old age.

Be their servant? In that world OP would have been a stay at home mom with zero income. Remember the bit where she has to go to work to help support the family?

Women in third world countries on an average are more educated than those in the US. And most women in third world countries need to work. That doesn’t mean they treat their in-laws and parents like dirt. Real education and culture is having a heart and treating those who birthed and raised you with care, love and respect. OP is visiting her child out of the love and connection she still feels. She isn’t living there. A parent should never be made to feel like a burden at her child’s house. Would it behoove these busy bodies to arrange for their food and well being? Basic needs! There is pride and joy in putting others before you. But you need to look deep inside yourself to find that. Most people in the US are too shallow and wrapped up in themselves, to do that . Again, SHAME ON ALL OF YOU dissing these parents. Shame on this sick culture.

And how is the SON that OP birthed off the hook from any of the hosting, groceries, logistics? Because he has a penis? So DIL should kill herself and be treated like a slave? Then you should have married your son to a girl from a village who would wash your feet. But that ship has sailed. It behooves for people to pull their weight and act like adults, not petulant helpless toddlers, that's the culture here. So you go ahead and feel pride by not putting your dining options before the needs of others. Go back to your healthy culture, where women eat last, whatever is left over from the husband and his parents.

Go actually visit some countries before you rat off “facts”. I know my post came off as blaming the DIL but really I was blaming them both.

Anonymous wrote:I’m concerned for my son and his family, they seem very stretched time-wise.

We flew in a couple weeks ago and landed late on a weekday at 4pm We had a small dinner at their house that their nanny made, but everyone was hungry afterwards, including their kids! Their kids, 4 and 6, ate some additional frozen food cooked up. They have strict rules against snacking before dinner or not eating all your dinner foods. We love to snack while on vacation!

Then in the mornings they scuttle off to work and one kid goes to preschool and the other to elementary. They were fed and had lunchboxes but we weren’t told nor given much for breakfast or lunch at their house. In fact my son told us to have the nanny take us grocery shopping when she comes!

The nanny comes in the afternoon to do pickups and cook dinner for the kids by 5pm and everyone else eats again later when the parents get home at 6. I don’t know if we need to help more or give advice on meals— or to whom, the nanny, my son or his wife!?

Son, talk to your son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are coming from another country so yes it is for a few weeks. We don’t care to drive around here so we do busses and subways. I guess we just feel differently about who should pay for and provide food when hosting. We are not from around here, we just want to play with the grandkids. The nanny is lovely.

This is the first world OP. Parents don’t deserve respect and consideration. I love my third world country where these small values still exist. I regret raising kids here. If this a sample of what average parents need to expect. Shame on you people. These are your parents. Treat them well in their old age.

Be their servant? In that world OP would have been a stay at home mom with zero income. Remember the bit where she has to go to work to help support the family?

Women in third world countries on an average are more educated than those in the US. And most women in third world countries need to work. That doesn’t mean they treat their in-laws and parents like dirt. Real education and culture is having a heart and treating those who birthed and raised you with care, love and respect. OP is visiting her child out of the love and connection she still feels. She isn’t living there. A parent should never be made to feel like a burden at her child’s house. Would it behoove these busy bodies to arrange for their food and well being? Basic needs! There is pride and joy in putting others before you. But you need to look deep inside yourself to find that. Most people in the US are too shallow and wrapped up in themselves, to do that . Again, SHAME ON ALL OF YOU dissing these parents. Shame on this sick culture.

And how is the SON that OP birthed off the hook from any of the hosting, groceries, logistics? Because he has a penis? So DIL should kill herself and be treated like a slave? Then you should have married your son to a girl from a village who would wash your feet. But that ship has sailed. It behooves for people to pull their weight and act like adults, not petulant helpless toddlers, that's the culture here. So you go ahead and feel pride by not putting your dining options before the needs of others. Go back to your healthy culture, where women eat last, whatever is left over from the husband and his parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are coming from another country so yes it is for a few weeks. We don’t care to drive around here so we do busses and subways. I guess we just feel differently about who should pay for and provide food when hosting. We are not from around here, we just want to play with the grandkids. The nanny is lovely.

This is the first world OP. Parents don’t deserve respect and consideration. I love my third world country where these small values still exist. I regret raising kids here. If this a sample of what average parents need to expect. Shame on you people. These are your parents. Treat them well in their old age.

Be their servant? In that world OP would have been a stay at home mom with zero income. Remember the bit where she has to go to work to help support the family?

Women in third world countries on an average are more educated than those in the US. And most women in third world countries need to work. That doesn’t mean they treat their in-laws and parents like dirt. Real education and culture is having a heart and treating those who birthed and raised you with care, love and respect. OP is visiting her child out of the love and connection she still feels. She isn’t living there. A parent should never be made to feel like a burden at her child’s house. Would it behoove these busy bodies to arrange for their food and well being? Basic needs! There is pride and joy in putting others before you. But you need to look deep inside yourself to find that. Most people in the US are too shallow and wrapped up in themselves, to do that . Again, SHAME ON ALL OF YOU dissing these parents. Shame on this sick culture.

This is blatantly untrue.

The other thing people neglect to bring up is how many families in third world countries have lots of household help. And it's not the very wealthy, it's engineers, lawyers, doctors, etc. So when people visit my in laws in their developing country they have a cook, driver, people to clean their house, etc.

Anonymous wrote:lol this has to be a troll

yes, if this were my mother in law she would never be allowed to stay at my house

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are coming from another country so yes it is for a few weeks. We don’t care to drive around here so we do busses and subways. I guess we just feel differently about who should pay for and provide food when hosting. We are not from around here, we just want to play with the grandkids. The nanny is lovely.

This is the first world OP. Parents don’t deserve respect and consideration. I love my third world country where these small values still exist. I regret raising kids here. If this a sample of what average parents need to expect. Shame on you people. These are your parents. Treat them well in their old age.

Be their servant? In that world OP would have been a stay at home mom with zero income. Remember the bit where she has to go to work to help support the family?

Women in third world countries on an average are more educated than those in the US. And most women in third world countries need to work. That doesn’t mean they treat their in-laws and parents like dirt. Real education and culture is having a heart and treating those who birthed and raised you with care, love and respect. OP is visiting her child out of the love and connection she still feels. She isn’t living there. A parent should never be made to feel like a burden at her child’s house. Would it behoove these busy bodies to arrange for their food and well being? Basic needs! There is pride and joy in putting others before you. But you need to look deep inside yourself to find that. Most people in the US are too shallow and wrapped up in themselves, to do that . Again, SHAME ON ALL OF YOU dissing these parents. Shame on this sick culture.

This is blatantly untrue.

Anonymous wrote:When MY parents come to visit, the first thing my mom asks me is what I want her to cook. I will name a few dishes from our country that I love and she will make them plus extra for my freezer, it’s awesome! She either goes grocery shopping with my dad while we’re at work, or I will go with her on a weekend day, but she always insists on buying the groceries. Sometimes if I haven’t specified anything that I’d like her to make, she will ask me in the morning what I want for dinner. If I say I don’t know, she’ll make suggestions (that all sound good) or just make something that she knows I like. Luckily DH loves my moms cooking, and DCs are not picky. My mom is annoying in other ways, but it is never a burden when she visits.

When you visit your son, be helpful, they are busy!!

Same here. They show up bringing in bags of food, that I never asked for. And we take them out, too.

Hey, MIL. When you are a MIL and you are there for weeks, you are not a “guest”. You go shopping and pitch in. You don’t wait to be served. You are a member of the family. Even if you are universally loved by everyone in the house, you’re presence will get old fast if you just sit around and don’t take some initiative.

I have found that, just like bad bosses, bad grandparents will behave EXACTLY the same way their parents or in laws treated them when they were adults with kids. No matter how nonsensical or rude or selfish.

For example, my in laws stopped going out on dates since the babysitter grandparents demanded they be served dinner before starting to watch their grandkids!
Guess what? These same in laws now demand that of us.

My in laws also had their tiny summer house bunked up with $hitloads of relatives sleeping everywhere, eating everything and not cleaning up after themselves all summer long.
Guess what? These same in laws do the same thing whenever they visit us for a couple weeks. It's like a game to see if they can make it 2 or 3 weeks without opening their wallet at all.

My in laws's parents were cheap and made everyone pack and eat the same sandwiches every day on vacations or road trips. Then when they died each adult kid inherited $1.5M.
Guess what? Same damn thing when our in laws are around - eat your sandwich guys, don't try any restaurants or exploring. Meanwhile, their 6 rental properties, 20 years of ESOP stock, and baby boomer investment account sits waiting. Waiting for them to enjoy it? No, much more fun to be cheap and make others pay for you.

When MY parents come to visit, the first thing my mom asks me is what I want her to cook. I will name a few dishes from our country that I love and she will make them plus extra for my freezer, it’s awesome! She either goes grocery shopping with my dad while we’re at work, or I will go with her on a weekend day, but she always insists on buying the groceries. Sometimes if I haven’t specified anything that I’d like her to make, she will ask me in the morning what I want for dinner. If I say I don’t know, she’ll make suggestions (that all sound good) or just make something that she knows I like. Luckily DH loves my moms cooking, and DCs are not picky. My mom is annoying in other ways, but it is never a burden when she visits.

When you visit your son, be helpful, they are busy!!

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand how hurt you are.
They are not good hosts and they knew you were coming, they should have picked some groceries online for you.
I would never welcome my family like that.

Maybe next time you can indeed stay at a hotel with restaurants nearby and enjoy your own activities.
Treat yourself, you deserve it

Yes, please do. Besides, your insufficiently-cowed children don't deserve your august presence. You should punish them by withdrawing with dignity to a nearby hostelry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are coming from another country so yes it is for a few weeks. We don’t care to drive around here so we do busses and subways. I guess we just feel differently about who should pay for and provide food when hosting. We are not from around here, we just want to play with the grandkids. The nanny is lovely.

This is the first world OP. Parents don’t deserve respect and consideration. I love my third world country where these small values still exist. I regret raising kids here. If this a sample of what average parents need to expect. Shame on you people. These are your parents. Treat them well in their old age.

Yeah!! Pay it backwards and pay it forwards at the same time! Yeah!

A good dose of constant guilt from your parents will help as well...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are coming from another country so yes it is for a few weeks. We don’t care to drive around here so we do busses and subways. I guess we just feel differently about who should pay for and provide food when hosting. We are not from around here, we just want to play with the grandkids. The nanny is lovely.

This is the first world OP. Parents don’t deserve respect and consideration. I love my third world country where these small values still exist. I regret raising kids here. If this a sample of what average parents need to expect. Shame on you people. These are your parents. Treat them well in their old age.

Be their servant? In that world OP would have been a stay at home mom with zero income. Remember the bit where she has to go to work to help support the family?

Women in third world countries on an average are more educated than those in the US. And most women in third world countries need to work. That doesn’t mean they treat their in-laws and parents like dirt. Real education and culture is having a heart and treating those who birthed and raised you with care, love and respect. OP is visiting her child out of the love and connection she still feels. She isn’t living there. A parent should never be made to feel like a burden at her child’s house. Would it behoove these busy bodies to arrange for their food and well being? Basic needs! There is pride and joy in putting others before you. But you need to look deep inside yourself to find that. Most people in the US are too shallow and wrapped up in themselves, to do that . Again, SHAME ON ALL OF YOU dissing these parents. Shame on this sick culture.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand how hurt you are.
They are not good hosts and they knew you were coming, they should have picked some groceries online for you.
I would never welcome my family like that.

Maybe next time you can indeed stay at a hotel with restaurants nearby and enjoy your own activities.
Treat yourself, you deserve it

Your son and his wife will be very happy if you stay at a hotel. So that would be a win-win.

OP, I understand how hurt you are.
They are not good hosts and they knew you were coming, they should have picked some groceries online for you.
I would never welcome my family like that.

Maybe next time you can indeed stay at a hotel with restaurants nearby and enjoy your own activities.
Treat yourself, you deserve it