Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 13:04     Subject: Re:Resent DH that I can't be a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Earlier on in our marriage before infertility and kids, my husband said he would like for me to be a SAHM however he changed his mind. I never thought I would be since I was career oriented. As the years gone by, we've both made more money and it doesn't seem to be enough for him. Honestly, I never thought how selfish and inconsiderat my husband would be once we had our children. He only thinks of himself at times and do the minimal in helping with the household and children. My children aren not great sleepers and have some medical concerns. I recently hired a cleaning lady to come to our houes 2x a month. This was a big arguement with my husband since he didn't want a total stranger in our house. Just something like hiring help is just difficult with him.

I offered my husband the option of him being a sahp so that at least I could concentrate on one thing and be good at it. Right now I feel like both my career and child rearing is flondering. I am uable to concentrate on any one thing and am frustrated and overwhelmed. I've asked for counseling many time for our marriage but he doesn't believe in it. I just don't have anymore to give. I need to take care of myself so I can be healthy for my children. I'm starting to come to the realization that divorce shouldn't be off the table.


yea, your DH kinda sucks. I work, but we both pitch in with the kids and I'd say he more then me because he has a calmer temperment and not much stresses him out. I also think if I were a SAHM with a disengaged shi%%y father like the one you've married, even if I SAH, i'd still be resentful my kids were born into your sort of marriage. Not ideal. I think he is the kind of many who already not much respect for you and if you quit working what little he had left will be gone.

Counseling and you need help for your PPD.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 12:47     Subject: Re:Resent DH that I can't be a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you both make around the same and he doesn't want you to be a SAHM, I'm confused why you would ask him if he would stay home. He wants two incomes. If you can afford not to work but just maybe not the same lifestyle and savings accumulation and he isn't willing to budge that is hard to get past. How old are the kids? Perhaps you can take a several month- year leave of absence? Or is working from home an option? There is a ton of benefit to kids having a parent home with them in those early years and I would make that case as strong as I could. If he still didn't agree and you still feel strongly about it, don't work. If you can afford not to be can't force you to. There will be resentment if you work or don't work from one of you. Him resenting you for staying home and nurturing your kids is pretty low- but at least your kids benefit


Really? So when he views her quitting work unilaterally as a betrayal and initiates divorce proceedings, she won't be forced to go back to work?


Depends how much alimony and child support he would be paying she may not have to go anytime soon. He would be an idiot to divorce and would lose way more money than if he would come to terms for her being a SAHM at least temporarily


WRONG. If he were to leave her now, while employed, they would just split everything down the middle. She would be expected to maintain her income. He'd be way better off leaving her now. If my spouse were threatening divorce unless they could quit working, I would beat them to the judge to avoid paying support outside of splitting the expenses for the kids.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 11:59     Subject: Resent DH that I can't be a SAHM
Hiring help is difficult for him...who is watching the twins now? How old are they?

Have you been evaluated for depression?
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2019 10:59     Subject: Resent DH that I can't be a SAHM
I am so sorry you are going thru this. Your health is important. You must be able to take care of your home, and family. Please seek both medical and counseling advice. This really is an important issue of health and safety for you and your family. If you have no other resource you can call this number 1-855-382-5433 and they will listen and share resources that you may not be aware of existing. I am praying for you and your family.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2019 07:52     Subject: Resent DH that I can't be a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:I refuse to believe that anybody with that net worth and such high earning potential is dumb enough that you can't figure out your own solution to this problem without crowdsourcing on DCUM, especially knowing how so many here feel about SAHM vs WOHM. Just don't believe it.


I also don’t believe that you went back to work after three months. Why wouldn’t you have had these questions before returning? It makes no sense that you already went back to work.

And people - of course she had help. I’m sure that she already has 2 nannies.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2019 07:31     Subject: Re:Resent DH that I can't be a SAHM
OP, I would really try to cut back at work and switch to part time, if at all possible. As others have said, find a good nanny and housecleaner, too.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2019 23:09     Subject: Re:Resent DH that I can't be a SAHM
OP, you need to talk to your doctor about how you feel and see if they can talk to your husband. Your health and sanity is of paramount importance.

If that doesn’t work, hire really really good help with your own money, and set up some “no-go” times where you can get some rest.

And good for you for canceling the contract! What a whack idea. Sounds like your husband is either a jerk or only focused on goals. Don’t let him bulldoze you.

Bottom line you need to get healed up before anything else.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2019 21:02     Subject: Resent DH that I can't be a SAHM
I agree with the poster above. You have plenty of power. Stop deferring to him. I did that for years with my husband, who will take all the power I'm willing to give him. Now I consult him and sometimes agree, sometimes go my own way: just like he does. Men want the benefits of two income families but they don't want to give up any authority. Take care of yourself and your child. He will adjust.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2019 20:58     Subject: Resent DH that I can't be a SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Your spouse wants a broodmare/ work horse.
F that.
You are on more than equal footing since you make the same salary.
So, if you want to stay married ( and I get why you might). Stop having discussions.
You cancelled the contract - GOOD.
Hire cleaning people/ child care.
Start making all the decisions. Don’t discuss with him. Just don’t bother. He’ll adjust to the new dynamic.
And if he doesn’t like it? You quit your job.

You have loads of power here OP. Take it back.


This, just get it done and don't consult him.