you Are linking together two separate actions. If you want to leave your husband, leave him. The decision to then marry a different person, be it AP or someone else, is a separate decision. So you are asking two questions:

- should you end your marriage?
- should you marry or be committed with AP?

Only you know the answers to these two questions, but treat them as two separate questions in the sequence above.

No, it doesn't depend on what led to the affair. The only thing that ever, ever leads to affair is two people who don't have the emotional maturity and integrity to handle the relationship they are in like healthy adults. There is literally no excuse that can't be countered with "end your marriage first." without a doubt, people who cheat bring that dysfunctional behavior into the new affair relationship. If they are still together it's because they are ashamed to try and find someone better than a cheater, because they know no one with integrity would have them. Even decades later, the truth always comes out. I will make 100% certain that anyone my ex beings around my children knows he's a cheater.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I did. I left a short term marriage (2 years) with no kids involved for my AP, who I’m now married to. The marriage was awful almost from Day 1 and my ex refused therapy even though I begged him to go - until it was too late and I was checked out, which is when I met AP. Never should have married my first H in the first place - we were young and stupid.

I wish it hadn’t all gone down the way it did, but I don’t regret getting divorced or being with AP. Now been married happily with kids for over a decade.

My cousin did something very similar. Starter marriage, quickly realized her mistake (her H was also emotionally abusive) and used an affair as a sort of exit strategy. She and her new H seem very happy.

Most of these relationships may not work out long term, but some of them do, a fact that no one wants to admit because everyone wants to see cheaters "get what they deserve." But really it depends on the reason for the affair and what was wrong with the original marriage to begin with.

^^ I'd say that if you think your happiness is tied to a specific person, you will never, ever be truly happy. At that age, he should know that he is responsible for his own happiness, actions have consequences, and no other human should be able to make or break his happiness.

What about that real estate developer in NYC, Macklowe? Left his wife of 50+ years at age 82 for his 60-something mistress. Someone would say he’s a cold selfish person, others would say, good for him, he’s happy and you only live once.