Anonymous
Post 02/27/2019 22:45     Subject: Re:Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
Prayers for you, PP.

I went through a deep depression in my thirties after a series of tragedies. I really lost the better part of 4 years that almost feel like they didn’t happen. But I came very, very close to giving up yet somehow I didn’t. Even now, when I think back to that time, it scares me.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2019 22:45     Subject: Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
Anonymous wrote:H leaving me with only a temporary work permit, our child to take care of, and “generously” paying about 85% of our rent.
I was out of the workforce for 6 years because he was dragging his feet about our green cards. So I had to quickly find a job, any job, to feed the child and pay those 15% of the rent. I was babysitting, pet sitting, cleaning houses, taking part in clinical trials and focus groups, other odd jobs, all the while looking for a full time professional job and worrying about the green card.
I was living in this invisible poverty, where to the world I was (still) married to a software engineer with a 200k HHI. Yet I was dirt poor as he cut off access to “his” money. I felt I could not tell anyone because of the green card (though it was not a marriage based case and it was a bona Fide marriage and a long term one).
I am now a permanent resident and have a great full time professional job, I can afford enrichment for my son.
I have yet to pluck up my courage to file for divorce - stbx is not going to be happy with what he will have to pay in child support...
I realize it sounds minor compared to a lot of situations here. But the worst was the invisibility and shame of my near- poverty.


That sounds incredibly hard, especially being in a country with no family support.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2019 22:40     Subject: Re:Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
Still the same pp: colorectal ca is an epidemic among people in 30s-40s without discernible risk factors. We do not fully understand why it is increasing so rapidly in that age group.

There is a great blog for you to read:
https://herecomesthesun927.com/author/herecomesthesun927/

Lindsay also had two young children during treatment, I think newborn and 3 y.on, something like that. It is both unsettling yet strangely comforting to know that you are not alone, and people survive this.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2019 22:33     Subject: Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
Anonymous wrote:I think I’m about to go through my dark time. I have lived a pretty charmed life honestly (well, despite never having actually had an true career, but whatever), but after months of testing for general gastric problems that I tried to write off as stress and hormones and such for years, they just found a tumor in my colon. I am terrified right now. I’m only 41 and had no reason to be worried about cancer, especially not colon cancer. Hoping for the best, but scared that my girls might lose me. It hurts just to look at them right now - I just want to cry. Please send me good thoughts that I will get through this and my girls won’t lose their mommy so young.


My husband is a survivor. 3a, dignosed 36 y.o., and - like you - no previous family history. I was 29w pregnant with our second.

She is now 4 y.o. We just moved from semi-annual to annual CT scans.

The path forward exists.

If you can, do your radiation (if you need it) and surgery at a major academic center. It is worth the hassle and the drive. Generally, most colorectal cancers will get long chemotherapy regiments with older drugs. Unless you have advanced staging or recurring disease, it can be done at the hospital near you.

You may get an ostomy (external poop pouch). Please accept it now.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2019 21:05     Subject: Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
Anonymous wrote:I think I’m about to go through my dark time. I have lived a pretty charmed life honestly (well, despite never having actually had an true career, but whatever), but after months of testing for general gastric problems that I tried to write off as stress and hormones and such for years, they just found a tumor in my colon. I am terrified right now. I’m only 41 and had no reason to be worried about cancer, especially not colon cancer. Hoping for the best, but scared that my girls might lose me. It hurts just to look at them right now - I just want to cry. Please send me good thoughts that I will get through this and my girls won’t lose their mommy so young.


So sorry to hear this PP! Sending you loads of positive thoughts.





Anonymous
Post 02/27/2019 20:52     Subject: Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
Anonymous wrote:I think I’m about to go through my dark time. I have lived a pretty charmed life honestly (well, despite never having actually had an true career, but whatever), but after months of testing for general gastric problems that I tried to write off as stress and hormones and such for years, they just found a tumor in my colon. I am terrified right now. I’m only 41 and had no reason to be worried about cancer, especially not colon cancer. Hoping for the best, but scared that my girls might lose me. It hurts just to look at them right now - I just want to cry. Please send me good thoughts that I will get through this and my girls won’t lose their mommy so young.


I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hugs PP! Here’s hoping for the best possible outcome/scenario.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2019 20:45     Subject: Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
I think I’m about to go through my dark time. I have lived a pretty charmed life honestly (well, despite never having actually had an true career, but whatever), but after months of testing for general gastric problems that I tried to write off as stress and hormones and such for years, they just found a tumor in my colon. I am terrified right now. I’m only 41 and had no reason to be worried about cancer, especially not colon cancer. Hoping for the best, but scared that my girls might lose me. It hurts just to look at them right now - I just want to cry. Please send me good thoughts that I will get through this and my girls won’t lose their mommy so young.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2019 19:00     Subject: Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
I suffered severe ppd after each dc was born. I remember driving on the beltway with infant dc in the car and an image of me driving into oncoming traffic entered my head. It scared me so badly that I decided I needed help. Four years of therapy and meds and I am now in a much better place.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2019 18:32     Subject: Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
I almost ran my car into a tree during the worst part of my eating disorder. Then I started to make deals with myself and slowly climbed out of it. That was almost 15 years.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2019 17:54     Subject: Re:Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
Thanks everyone for sharing. This puts life real perspective.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2019 11:37     Subject: Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
Anonymous wrote:A couple days ago. I left my abusive relationship 3 years ago and did a ton of therapy and self work to heal. Ex was charged, and had supervised access with kids which he quit and he did not speak to the kids for 1.5yrs. He decided he wants access and a formal evaluation was done. The assessor sees him as no threat to the kids and he will get them for full weekends. Said all the abuse and assault to me and kids was due to 'conflict' between us. I feel so sick and wish I hadn't left him. Life with him was nightmare hell but there's no worse feeling than knowing now my kids have to go back into it alone. I don't know how to cope with this. Now he will freely be able to abuse them and always fall back on being assessed as no threat.


You left and are now in a place where you can be a safe haven when you DO have the kids. This wouldn't have been the case if you stayed. I've been here, OP. It is so damn heartbreaking and hard. You did the right thing by leaving. I promise.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2019 11:15     Subject: Re:Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
Anonymous wrote:Just came across this, made me think of this thread:
https://johnpavlovitz.com/2019/02/21/everyone-around-you-is-grieving-go-easy/

I’m the PP who’s son has late regression autism. I think about this all the time. I don’t “show. My chronic grief and am sure so many people are in the same boat. Empathy is hard but in the end, it’s really all there is.


My grandmother used to say similar. She would always say that you never know what somebody is going through---and after my grandfather's death I remember the conversation about being in a grocery store grieving and making simple conversation and nobody knowing the intense grief and feeling you are feeling. That there are people everywhere grieving in some form.

I am from one of those families that slaps a smile on our faces. If somebody asks how we are doing the answer is always 'fine, thanks'. But, often we aren't 'fine'.

I love his take on this and I have really practiced it much more acutely as I've moved through intense grief myself. It has made me much more aware of those in life around me and how fragile we all are--simple acts of kindness and kind words can make the difference in somebody's awful and horrible day.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2019 11:06     Subject: Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Best explanation about grief

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/garysully1986/comments/6g3brt/gsnow_on_grief/


That’s the wave analogy of grief. Here’s a box and ball analogy

https://themighty.com/2018/12/ball-box-analogy-grief/


Thanks. This helped a lot. I have been in a wave of grief over losing my parent...and there were definitely 'triggers' this month that made me feel it much more acutely. People have repeatedly told me that you 'never get over it' and this description makes so much sense.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2019 10:57     Subject: Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:^^oh no way too long


I read it. You're an amazing survivor. The body does not forget trauma.



Yes. You are strong.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2019 10:48     Subject: Re:Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life
I just want to say that I am humbled by the strength and resiliency in this thread.