Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 09:17     Subject: Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
Anonymous wrote:Also, we don't give in to terrorists, at least that is what we write on the Political forum. Your MILs sounds like a terrorist. Does she have dementia? I am honestly stunted at so many posts about elderly people here demanding this and that and at this exact time. I am from Eastern Europe and all the grandparent I know, I am from a large family with many cousins, are always willing and happy to accommodate their own kids and grand kids. For example my BIL's mother wanted him and my sister to come over for his birthday, he said, sorry we are working and will be exhausted. So she came over and left a cake for him/them. Similarly for his parents' anniversary they asked them when can they come over. Bil and my sister work, his parents and my mom do not, so they will adjust to their schedule. On the other hand, it is a give and take relationship. When a pipe broke at my mom's house, BIL called a plumber, had people helping and even paid for it. My US FIL is similar to many ILS posted on this forum, I mostly try to ignore his nutso demands and meddling, but it drives SIL and DH insane. Like why is it such a big deal to eat at the BBQ place every week at the exact time that he wants?!


You lose all credibility when you call a relative a terrorist.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 09:16     Subject: Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
He’s 10 and playing basketball. Big whoop. MIL birthday more important than Practice. Is he the next LeBron James? You could accommodate an older relative with 10 birthdays left. You just don’t feel like doing it.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 07:59     Subject: Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
Also, we don't give in to terrorists, at least that is what we write on the Political forum. Your MILs sounds like a terrorist. Does she have dementia? I am honestly stunted at so many posts about elderly people here demanding this and that and at this exact time. I am from Eastern Europe and all the grandparent I know, I am from a large family with many cousins, are always willing and happy to accommodate their own kids and grand kids. For example my BIL's mother wanted him and my sister to come over for his birthday, he said, sorry we are working and will be exhausted. So she came over and left a cake for him/them. Similarly for his parents' anniversary they asked them when can they come over. Bil and my sister work, his parents and my mom do not, so they will adjust to their schedule. On the other hand, it is a give and take relationship. When a pipe broke at my mom's house, BIL called a plumber, had people helping and even paid for it. My US FIL is similar to many ILS posted on this forum, I mostly try to ignore his nutso demands and meddling, but it drives SIL and DH insane. Like why is it such a big deal to eat at the BBQ place every week at the exact time that he wants?!
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 22:27     Subject: Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.

Any of your 3 options, OP, but not MIL's.

And I say this as a sports-hating parent, who thinks all these practices are ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 22:25     Subject: Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
OP here. He’s 10 and he couldn’t attend last week because we both had work obligations that held us over. He was stuck at SACC. A team mage’s mom was going to grab him from SACC, but they couldn’t release him without a signed note from us. So he had to miss. If he doesn’t practice, he can’t play because he wasn’t there to learn the plays. It’s a CYO basketball team.

Thanks for all the opinions. I’m leaving it up to DH to decide what he needs to do, but I think DS should show up for his team. He’s been a part of the team for 2 years now, and basketball has been going on for months. We only found out about MIL dinner over the weekend.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 21:17     Subject: Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
Set the dinner at 6:30p or a different day. Grandma is setting a poor example throwing a tantrum over this.

Also, what type of practice is this? If it is a team practice he has a responsibility to the TEAM to show up.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 19:35     Subject: Re:Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
I am guessing DS is a teen because He had to miss last week because of some logistical issues which were out of his control. Clearly not OP's or DH's control but his, child's control. hence it might be difficult for him to skip another day. Now if parents were ok with him skipping last week for nothing, and he is looking for an excuse to avoid annoying grandma(as many are) that takes on a whole new light. So, he didn't skip last week bcs he was sick, but bcs of logistics. Funny how OP is not back to update. But, I still maintain older people demanding birthday parties when and where and how it suits them is stupid.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 18:08     Subject: Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
I thought it was a common "thing" that if your birthday falls on a weekday, you celebrate with friends and family on the closest weekend.
That's how my family has done it and everyone I know.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 17:50     Subject: Re:Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
The kid will probably have at least a thousand practices over the next 10 years of his life. Grandma will have 10 birthdays. I dunno, what should we do? It's a hard one for sure … NOT.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 15:34     Subject: Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Old person here:
I know it very awkward what your MIL is asking but “the day of” seems to be a thing with some people. We always try to eat early because cheaper but more importantly less noisy. Hearing not the best. She also may not know how pushy and demanding coaches are for simple after school sports in this generation. Was not remotely the same for her kids.
I do get how that puts you in the middle tho

Day off is not a thing. Grown people do not care about their birthdays. OP should show up with Ds when he is done with practice. Plus, we don't care that all the elderly think kids activities today are nonsense and our own "fault" because we don't have to do anything, they sure didn't take us anywhere...we are busy by choice... but we must drop everything when some baby boomers acts like a kid. I am very pro MIL on these forums, but this is a power play and insecure sh*t. I do not put up with it. I will try and do everything for my mom and FIL, but when they are acting like entitled toddlers, I don't engage.


It’s “day of” ie the birthday not day off. Grown ups don’t care about birthday but children do. Unless your kid is a baby sports super star with his own TV show he can miss a sports practice to celebrate his birthday. You sound bitter and angry.

What the eff are you talking about. It is MIL's birhday not the kids birthday. "He can miss a practice to celebrate his birthday"
Are you off your rocker?
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 15:16     Subject: Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Old person here:
I know it very awkward what your MIL is asking but “the day of” seems to be a thing with some people. We always try to eat early because cheaper but more importantly less noisy. Hearing not the best. She also may not know how pushy and demanding coaches are for simple after school sports in this generation. Was not remotely the same for her kids.
I do get how that puts you in the middle tho

Day off is not a thing. Grown people do not care about their birthdays. OP should show up with Ds when he is done with practice. Plus, we don't care that all the elderly think kids activities today are nonsense and our own "fault" because we don't have to do anything, they sure didn't take us anywhere...we are busy by choice... but we must drop everything when some baby boomers acts like a kid. I am very pro MIL on these forums, but this is a power play and insecure sh*t. I do not put up with it. I will try and do everything for my mom and FIL, but when they are acting like entitled toddlers, I don't engage.


It’s “day of” ie the birthday not day off. Grown ups don’t care about birthday but children do. Unless your kid is a baby sports super star with his own TV show he can miss a sports practice to celebrate his birthday. You sound bitter and angry.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 14:15     Subject: Re:Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
Tell your husband to tell her 6:30 works for you. It's his mother who's being a pain.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 14:07     Subject: Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
I think it's really strange that a grown woman cares about celebrating her birthday on a specific day at a specific time. Life is busy. Except for family dinners with a small, casual dinner, we always celebrate on the weekends. Makes for a more relaxing celebration and more likely it's not disrupting someone's schedule. My kid (who is NOT on an intense travel team) absolutely hates missing practice and feels she's not as prepared for her games. I would not like to make her miss a practice for a dinner that can easily be pushed to the weekend.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 12:48     Subject: Re:Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
on one hand your MIL is being difficult. on the other hand, grandma birthday is more important than one of a gazillion practices.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 12:48     Subject: Honest opinions, please. Birthday situation.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s interesting that OP hasn’t given us her DS’s age.

Why wasn’t the lesson on committment to the team as important to teach last weekf, but this week — on MIL’s birthday — it’s become paramount?

How would you resolve this if it was your mother’s birthday and she was the one that wanted to celebrate with your family on “the day,” OP?


If it was my own mom I would tell her she’s being ridiculous!

I would offer to have dinner with her just the two of us on the day of her birthday. Then I would invite her to celebrate with my family over the weekend and make a special day if it - an outing that she likes with family in addition to dinner. I would hope DH could have the same type of conversation with his mom. Presumably after a lifetime of being in each other’s lives they can have a conversation???


Maybe your DH thinks his wife may not want to entertain his mother for a whole day on the weekend and so doesn’t want to impose that on you, or maybe he doesn’t want to spend a whole day with her or maybe he would just prefer to have a weekend free of any obligations.