Anonymous
Post 07/02/2024 10:17     Subject: Having older parents and young kids - sandwich generation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Caring for an elderly parent or parents while trying to juggle the needs/schedules of children (of any age) is incredibly stressful. Add in full or even part time work and it’s worse. I feel like an awful human because I just want elderly in-laws to die. It’s killing my DH and our marriage and relationship with children. My in-laws quality of life is so low that it’s mind boggling that their care is turning our lives inside out and upside down. I realize that sounds incredibly cold but they enjoy nothing, can do nothing, complain incessantly, and require so much assistance on a day to day basis. I/my DH are constantly taking time off from work to help them but nothing ever seems to improve, it’s just a band aid until the next disaster (which could be in a few hours or next week). Kids are tweens and teens who are capable of staying home alone, but they do need parenting and we aren’t doing a lot of that right now because we are caring for DH’s parents. Every time we leave for “vacation” they have an episode that requires us to return and manage. Siblings are no help. We are stuck in an it what it is hell.


You should not feel guilty for anything you said. They are literally ruining your current life


We had my mom admitted to a nursing home in the spring. SHe has always been miserable, and now even more so. My sibling is checked out as usual and this time I decided that I am not going to pick up the slack. Got my mom care, but I am not ruining my life because others can just check out
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2024 11:37     Subject: Re:Having older parents and young kids - sandwich generation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't really get the "sandwich generation" term but yep. DH and I are late 30/early 40s. He was a late in life baby for his parents and was in his mid 30s when our oldest was born. Now we have young elementary kids and his parents are in their mid-80s and declining rapidly. Unfortunately, DH's older siblings who's kids are older and mostly on their own aren't particularly local so things are falling to us since we're only 2 hours away.
It is more of a life phase than a generation.


Exactly.

And it’s more the norm now. It’s a phase of life we all reach. At some point we will be caregivers to our predecessors as well as descendants (and if we’re lucky, grands+)
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2024 11:33     Subject: Having older parents and young kids - sandwich generation
In many cases, the demanding elder is the toddler now. The tables have turned. All you can do is make reasonable decisions that keep them safe, as much as is within your power. You have to let go of thinking they are rationale, speaking rationally. You have to let go of needing to be loved by Mommy or Daddy. It's possible that won't be expressed again. Instead, hold-on tight to the love that was expressed when they were rationale.