Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 11:43     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
I think having children was simply in my DNA so it was never a yes or no decision. It was really a when and how many decision praying that it would work out and it did.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 11:30     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

how is this selfish if, by your own admission, you will need to take care of the child regardless?



I'm sorry, what world do you live in in which every child born is taken care of well? What exactly do you think will happen when someone with no parental desire or instinct pops out a kid and realizes "oh crap, this is not fun at all and my life is now ruined for the next 18 years?"

You think they're just going to put on their best Stepford Wives face, scrimp and save to move to a great school district, join the PTA, read to them every night, and watch them grow up to attend Harvard while watching their own hopes and dreams go down the toilet?

Or do you think they'll grow resentful, ignoring them at best, psychologically and physically abusing them at worst, or just take the even easier route and just dump them into the foster care system?


you seem to carrying a chip on your shoulder. most people take decent care of their kids. also, most kids are unplanned anyway. only at stuckup DCUM culture is having a child some huge decision one needs to ponder for years.


And yet I'd be willing to bet money you moved to an upper class suburb specifically for the school district. But that couldn't be, if all parents take great care of their kids what would be your issue with sending your own kids to DCPS or PG schools?


I live in Baltimore and my kids go to public school which is excelllent.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 11:12     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

how is this selfish if, by your own admission, you will need to take care of the child regardless?



I'm sorry, what world do you live in in which every child born is taken care of well? What exactly do you think will happen when someone with no parental desire or instinct pops out a kid and realizes "oh crap, this is not fun at all and my life is now ruined for the next 18 years?"

You think they're just going to put on their best Stepford Wives face, scrimp and save to move to a great school district, join the PTA, read to them every night, and watch them grow up to attend Harvard while watching their own hopes and dreams go down the toilet?

Or do you think they'll grow resentful, ignoring them at best, psychologically and physically abusing them at worst, or just take the even easier route and just dump them into the foster care system?


you seem to carrying a chip on your shoulder. most people take decent care of their kids. also, most kids are unplanned anyway. only at stuckup DCUM culture is having a child some huge decision one needs to ponder for years.


And yet I'd be willing to bet money you moved to an upper class suburb specifically for the school district. But that couldn't be, if all parents take great care of their kids what would be your issue with sending your own kids to DCPS or PG schools?
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 10:44     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

how is this selfish if, by your own admission, you will need to take care of the child regardless?



I'm sorry, what world do you live in in which every child born is taken care of well? What exactly do you think will happen when someone with no parental desire or instinct pops out a kid and realizes "oh crap, this is not fun at all and my life is now ruined for the next 18 years?"

You think they're just going to put on their best Stepford Wives face, scrimp and save to move to a great school district, join the PTA, read to them every night, and watch them grow up to attend Harvard while watching their own hopes and dreams go down the toilet?

Or do you think they'll grow resentful, ignoring them at best, psychologically and physically abusing them at worst, or just take the even easier route and just dump them into the foster care system?


you seem to carrying a chip on your shoulder. most people take decent care of their kids. also, most kids are unplanned anyway. only at stuckup DCUM culture is having a child some huge decision one needs to ponder for years.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 10:40     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
Anonymous wrote:

how is this selfish if, by your own admission, you will need to take care of the child regardless?



I'm sorry, what world do you live in in which every child born is taken care of well? What exactly do you think will happen when someone with no parental desire or instinct pops out a kid and realizes "oh crap, this is not fun at all and my life is now ruined for the next 18 years?"

You think they're just going to put on their best Stepford Wives face, scrimp and save to move to a great school district, join the PTA, read to them every night, and watch them grow up to attend Harvard while watching their own hopes and dreams go down the toilet?

Or do you think they'll grow resentful, ignoring them at best, psychologically and physically abusing them at worst, or just take the even easier route and just dump them into the foster care system?
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 10:31     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want kids till I was about 35-36, then I woke up one day and had to have a baby NOW. it happened quickly, and, with some effort, I now have 3 kids.

I don’t understand why one wouldn’t have at least kid - you get to experience most of parenthood and ine kid is really easy to fit into life and career.

Your interest in fostering if puzzling - it’s a very challenging role even for experienced parents.


Why would anyone have a child if they don't want one? That's probably one of the most selfish things I have ever heard. "Hey, let's create a sentient being for funsies just to see if we like it. It's not like we'll have to take care of it for 18 years whether we like it or not..."


how is this selfish if, by your own admission, you will need to take care of the child regardless?

people think way too much about having kids imho. sure, don't have a bunch but a vast majority of people can handle a single child and be better for it.


And then what? On the other hand, you sound like you DON'T think at all about bringing a life into this world.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 10:23     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want kids till I was about 35-36, then I woke up one day and had to have a baby NOW. it happened quickly, and, with some effort, I now have 3 kids.

I don’t understand why one wouldn’t have at least kid - you get to experience most of parenthood and ine kid is really easy to fit into life and career.

Your interest in fostering if puzzling - it’s a very challenging role even for experienced parents.


Why would anyone have a child if they don't want one? That's probably one of the most selfish things I have ever heard. "Hey, let's create a sentient being for funsies just to see if we like it. It's not like we'll have to take care of it for 18 years whether we like it or not..."


how is this selfish if, by your own admission, you will need to take care of the child regardless?

people think way too much about having kids imho. sure, don't have a bunch but a vast majority of people can handle a single child and be better for it.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 10:12     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want kids till I was about 35-36, then I woke up one day and had to have a baby NOW. it happened quickly, and, with some effort, I now have 3 kids.

I don’t understand why one wouldn’t have at least kid - you get to experience most of parenthood and ine kid is really easy to fit into life and career.

Your interest in fostering if puzzling - it’s a very challenging role even for experienced parents.


Why would anyone have a child if they don't want one? That's probably one of the most selfish things I have ever heard. "Hey, let's create a sentient being for funsies just to see if we like it. It's not like we'll have to take care of it for 18 years whether we like it or not..."
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 09:25     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
I didn’t want kids till I was about 35-36, then I woke up one day and had to have a baby NOW. it happened quickly, and, with some effort, I now have 3 kids.

I don’t understand why one wouldn’t have at least kid - you get to experience most of parenthood and ine kid is really easy to fit into life and career.

Your interest in fostering if puzzling - it’s a very challenging role even for experienced parents.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 08:03     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
I have never wanted children. That fact has ended relationships in which the man thought he could change my mind. My ex-husband was on the fence about them and always thought I would change my mind. (We split over his alcohol problem, not children)

I am an animal person. I relate to animals better than young children and I feel like that is a gift in its own way.

Thankfully most of my family is fairly respectful of my decision. And now that I'm in my 40s, most men that I date don't want them (or any more of them!) anyway. I am open to being with someone who has older children, but I don't want any of my own.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2019 02:34     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
Anonymous wrote:
I can't speak for those who never wanted kids. I have 3 close girlfriends like this. I never had a burning desire but also was open. The one thing I'll say is if you've never wanted or have kids, you'll wonder sometimes. If you have, you will love. Regardless of how you felt pre-kids you would never regret and chances are you'd want more. It's not logical it's emotional.


Sadly, this is just not always true. There are quite a lot of parents who regret having kids. Of course, it's complicated to say, because it's not something that can be undone. But there are certainly people who wish they hadn't made that choice. But most will never admit it out loud (thank goodness, for their children's sake.)

I'm the quoted poster above.

No the parents may regret having kids but will always love the kids they have. Moreover while you might hate parenting for x number of years you will never hate it forever. I went through years I wished I could be childless but after you see your kids get to a certain age, you're glad you had. 1 year, 5 years, 10 years for count. After 20 years and the kids grow up, chances are you will be glad you have someone who you know you gave to. Obviously if you are just a selfish or something is wrong with you type maybe things aren't normal and there extenuating circumstances but most of the time, being a parent makes you fuller. Again - it's all emotional not practical perspective. The time money energy will take your breath away so if you're into those things just don't think about parenting. It's just something you are open to or not.


DP. I think you need to take off your rose-colored classes. While this may be true for the majority, there are many, many deadbeat parents who do not love their children. Think of the mothers who have abandoned or disposed of their children. Think of the fathers who abandoned their children and the mothers who bore them. And think about the welfare parents who have children just to get benefits, but don't care that much about the children. In poorer areas, there are many who have children who don't love their children. Your view is an idealized concept that is only predominantly true in middle and higher class areas.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2019 22:10     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm the quoted poster above.

No the parents may regret having kids but will always love the kids they have. Moreover while you might hate parenting for x number of years you will never hate it forever. I went through years I wished I could be childless but after you see your kids get to a certain age, you're glad you had. 1 year, 5 years, 10 years for count. After 20 years and the kids grow up, chances are you will be glad you have someone who you know you gave to. Obviously if you are just a selfish or something is wrong with you type maybe things aren't normal and there extenuating circumstances but most of the time, being a parent makes you fuller. Again - it's all emotional not practical perspective. The time money energy will take your breath away so if you're into those things just don't think about parenting. It's just something you are open to or not.


Everything depends on how your kids turn out. If they have severe mental health issues or become addicts, it's very unlikely any parent would be waxing lyrical about their decision to have their child. I'm sure Mark Zuckerberg's parents are happy they had him; Elliot Rodger's parents no...so please be aware that it's all context-driven.


Kids don't just wake up with a mental health issues. It is a long process of damaging child's brain by damaged adults.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2019 21:59     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
Anonymous wrote:I'm the quoted poster above.

No the parents may regret having kids but will always love the kids they have. Moreover while you might hate parenting for x number of years you will never hate it forever. I went through years I wished I could be childless but after you see your kids get to a certain age, you're glad you had. 1 year, 5 years, 10 years for count. After 20 years and the kids grow up, chances are you will be glad you have someone who you know you gave to. Obviously if you are just a selfish or something is wrong with you type maybe things aren't normal and there extenuating circumstances but most of the time, being a parent makes you fuller. Again - it's all emotional not practical perspective. The time money energy will take your breath away so if you're into those things just don't think about parenting. It's just something you are open to or not.


Everything depends on how your kids turn out. If they have severe mental health issues or become addicts, it's very unlikely any parent would be waxing lyrical about their decision to have their child. I'm sure Mark Zuckerberg's parents are happy they had him; Elliot Rodger's parents no...so please be aware that it's all context-driven.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2019 21:53     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
I'm the quoted poster above.

No the parents may regret having kids but will always love the kids they have. Moreover while you might hate parenting for x number of years you will never hate it forever. I went through years I wished I could be childless but after you see your kids get to a certain age, you're glad you had. 1 year, 5 years, 10 years for count. After 20 years and the kids grow up, chances are you will be glad you have someone who you know you gave to. Obviously if you are just a selfish or something is wrong with you type maybe things aren't normal and there extenuating circumstances but most of the time, being a parent makes you fuller. Again - it's all emotional not practical perspective. The time money energy will take your breath away so if you're into those things just don't think about parenting. It's just something you are open to or not.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2019 21:49     Subject: Re:what does it feel like to want to have kids?
I never liked kids when I was a kid/teenager. Then, around 18, I realized I really really want to have kids. I have my own two kids. Saying that, I would never ever be able to go through any of IVF or other infertility treatments (I am saying based on the experiences of my friends).

I think a feeling of wanting kids its a natural instinct. Like feeling hungry. Like feeling you want to have sex. I can't live without sex. If I don't have it at least twice a week, I have terrible headache and don't feel well at all. So, for me having children is just biological instinct that, once satisfied, gives you so much joy in life.