Anonymous
Post 01/23/2019 05:58     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:I am single Jewish dad with two kids at home. I have been going out with a single non-Jewish mom with one kid. We are thinking of eventually moving in together, but one issue separates us. As much as it is important for her to have a Christmas tree in the living room, it is important to me that we don't have a Christmas tree in the living room. She is not particularly religious, but the tree is a symbol of the holidays. Her compromise is to decorate the tree with both Chanukah and Christmas ornaments. I do go to synagogue -- and yes I have heard the guidance that if this were so important to me then I should have only dated Jewish women (I tried that without success but that is the subject of another post). She is very supportive of my Jewish observance, although she has no interest in exploring it for herself. As we live apart, I enjoy helping her celebrate the Christmas holiday with a tree; my issue is having the tree in my (or our) home. How have others navigated this difficult issue?


Haven’t read any replies yet. My Muslim immigrant husband is fine with the Christmas tree and celebrating Christmas with us. It’s not his holiday. He does it for us. Because he loves us. And since it isn’t his religion, it just doesn’t mean anything to him. It’s not a threat, in other words.

This past Christmas, for whatever reason, he sent a pic of our Christmas tree to his very devout Muslim sister in the Middle East, and she told him she had a tree up too! That surprised the heck out of me.

But really, it’s just a tree.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 23:21     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
I remember reading an article about this a while ago:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/news/soloish/wp/2018/03/29/i-am-tired-of-being-a-jewish-mans-rebellion/

NP
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 23:19     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A Christmas tree is not a symbol of Christianity, no more than Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny is. It’s commercialization, plain and simple.

A nativity scene, the cross, palms on Palm Sunday - that is a different story.


Really only Christians think this. Santa does not visit Jewish children without Christian relatives. Same for the Easter bunny. But Tooth fairy and Halloween are equal opportunity and non-religious.


Sorry, but I know of several Jewish households where there is no Christian relative who do both Santa and the Easter Bunny. Their Jewish moms don’t want them to miss out on the fun.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 23:13     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Op, you were supposed to get all of this out of your system in high school and college. Then only date Jewish women.

Thank G-d you are coming to your senses and returning to your roots again.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 21:59     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:A Christmas tree is not a symbol of Christianity, no more than Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny is. It’s commercialization, plain and simple.

A nativity scene, the cross, palms on Palm Sunday - that is a different story.


Really only Christians think this. Santa does not visit Jewish children without Christian relatives. Same for the Easter bunny. But Tooth fairy and Halloween are equal opportunity and non-religious.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 20:29     Subject: Re:Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:I think you are being ridiculous. I know a bunch of Jews who have trees and Easter baskets. Whether its good or bad thosecholidays have become secular.[/quote


This. It’s basicslly every Jewish/non-Jewish couple I know. They all celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah. Presumably, they discussed that before it became serious. OP, you have to break this off and stop dating non-Jewish women.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 20:24     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You would think religious minorities would be more tolerant of diversity.


I think for a lot of Jews, the problem with a Christmas tree is that it feel like a symbol of assimilation. For better or worse, concerns about assimilation are "a thing" in the Jewish community. And really, there's something to that. https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/10/american-jews-embrace-your-secular-intermarried-selves.html

For the OP, I don't think he thinks that Christmas trees are stupid or that Christianity is bad, but rather that having a tree is a step toward losing his Jewish identity.


Being in love with a non-Jewish woman is a much bigger step to losing his Jewish identity than having a tree. He is trying to have his cake and eat it too. Not going to work. He’s not a jerk but really needs to open his eyes. The tree is not the issue, his “whitewashing” of her religious background is. He can’t accept her as she is, that’s not fair.


Pp here. I agree with what you wrote too. The relationship isn’t going to work. I was just trying to give some context to those calling him a bigot.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 18:08     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:OP, I am not religious.

If I married an Indian man, or an Asian man, or a Native American, or etc. etc., although I am not any of those things, I would not object to my mate having items of cultural significance to him in our home. You need to let this secular symbol be no big deal to you. Maybe work with her to agree "it doesn't go up until December 15 and comes down immediately on the 26th" so you don't have to tolerate it for too long. Maybe discuss no baby Jesus ornaments, but stars and angels are OK. Whatever you need to get to a place where you can be OK with it. You need to compromise. Having an evergreen tree in your house for two weeks a year should not be a deal breaker if you love someone.

If she were adamant about you not having a menorah in the house I'd tell her the same thing.


Reread your post.

Notice how you advocate for him having a menorah--which is a religious symbol, but advocate against allowing any religious Christmas decorations--only allowing the secular tree.

That's ridiculous.

Guess what? It's her tree, so let her decorate it. And let him decorate however he likes for Hanukkah.

Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 18:06     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A Christmas tree is not a symbol of Christianity, no more than Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny is. It’s commercialization, plain and simple.

A nativity scene, the cross, palms on Palm Sunday - that is a different story.


+1

If a mere Christmas tree is a dealbreaker, he needs to cut it off now because their relationship stands no chance. And OP, please make sure she knows you don't want a future with her because of a f*cking tree. She will have no regrets about moving on.


I know the type. He’ll spoil Christmas for her with his poor attitude.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 18:05     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:A Christmas tree is not a symbol of Christianity, no more than Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny is. It’s commercialization, plain and simple.

A nativity scene, the cross, palms on Palm Sunday - that is a different story.


It is an important part of celebrating Christmas in most Christian homes.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 18:04     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:A Christmas tree is not a symbol of Christianity, no more than Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny is. It’s commercialization, plain and simple.

A nativity scene, the cross, palms on Palm Sunday - that is a different story.


+1

If a mere Christmas tree is a dealbreaker, he needs to cut it off now because their relationship stands no chance. And OP, please make sure she knows you don't want a future with her because of a f*cking tree. She will have no regrets about moving on.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 17:53     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You would think religious minorities would be more tolerant of diversity.


I think for a lot of Jews, the problem with a Christmas tree is that it feel like a symbol of assimilation. For better or worse, concerns about assimilation are "a thing" in the Jewish community. And really, there's something to that. https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/10/american-jews-embrace-your-secular-intermarried-selves.html

For the OP, I don't think he thinks that Christmas trees are stupid or that Christianity is bad, but rather that having a tree is a step toward losing his Jewish identity.


Being in love with a non-Jewish woman is a much bigger step to losing his Jewish identity than having a tree. He is trying to have his cake and eat it too. Not going to work. He’s not a jerk but really needs to open his eyes. The tree is not the issue, his “whitewashing” of her religious background is. He can’t accept her as she is, that’s not fair.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 17:46     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
A Christmas tree is not a symbol of Christianity, no more than Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny is. It’s commercialization, plain and simple.

A nativity scene, the cross, palms on Palm Sunday - that is a different story.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 17:34     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Judiasm is a maternal bloodline religion so you don’t have the issue that male OP has. oy.


Presumably the mother of OPs kids is Jewish since this is the first time he's had to deal with an interfaith relationship. So the kids are Jewish.

Or are you saying that because OP is a male the appearance of a Christmas tree would void his Jewishness, whereas women have immunity?


No, I’m saying the pressure on us males from our parents and the community is alive and well. Less so for Jewish women.
Just like it has been for 100s of years: Marry a Nice Jewish Woman.


So you can have Jewish kids. The OP already has Jewish kids.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2019 17:32     Subject: Christmas Tree in Jewish Home
Anonymous wrote:You would think religious minorities would be more tolerant of diversity.


I think for a lot of Jews, the problem with a Christmas tree is that it feel like a symbol of assimilation. For better or worse, concerns about assimilation are "a thing" in the Jewish community. And really, there's something to that. https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/10/american-jews-embrace-your-secular-intermarried-selves.html

For the OP, I don't think he thinks that Christmas trees are stupid or that Christianity is bad, but rather that having a tree is a step toward losing his Jewish identity.