Anonymous wrote:DCUM bottoms out in this thread

There were a few reasonable posts which got derailed by the nitwit insisting that the only "haves" were the ones with a 8-figure trust fund.

DCUM bottoms out in this thread

Many of your standards seem much higher than mine, but I really struggle with the fact that my kids are "haves." I grew up food-stamp poor but in a middle class community (so my social norms were in line with the community). But even now, I get a little excited that its not a thing to buy my kids new shoes, and that vacations can include a plane ride (domestic only so far). I want them to not be spoiled, but I also worry that my view of "spoiled" is not the same. My husband grew up middle class (lawyer dad, etc) so he balances us out. But this is why I worked so hard to put myself through college, etc so my kids would have an easier life. It's all so existential.

Anonymous wrote:My kid thinks she has everything she needs. She is 6 and we have friends all income brackets and see a lot less fortunate than us through our Church outreach. She does not go without but appreciates what she has. She wears clothes from the thrift store but looks better dressed than most of the kids at her school.
We make $120,000 so poor by DCUM standards but our kid is happy, we are happy, we go on vacations and she gets to do the classes she wants to do. I drive an 11 year old car, It is all about prioritizing what is important to you and your family.

14 year old car here! and our household income is 160 large. 5 people on one income, and it seems to work.

whats important to me, too, is not going into debt to buy some automobile that sits and does nothing most of the time!

Anonymous wrote:These threads are so gross.

Seriously, I don't know how people can standard to participate in them.

I read the whole thing and now I feel sick.

You should all feel ashamed of yourselves.

I couldn't even read the whole thing because, while I agree the whole thing is shameful and gross, it's also unoriginal and banal.

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Anonymous wrote:You people are so disgusting. DH and I are researchers at NIH and both have our PHDs. The only reason our kids have passports is because we send them back to India for the summer to stay with family because we cannot afford camps and round the clock summer care for them. No, it is not "standard" that kids hike the Inca trail. Most American kids haven't even been to Canada, Mexico, or even on a domestic flight. It is not standard that a kid have a fully funded 529.

I see sick kids day in and day out and these kids by the grace of generosity get to stay for free at the children's Inn, these are "normal" families who don't have the money for weeks at a motel, let alone the Inca Trail.

You need to travel to my home country, India and wake the f%ck up. Yes, even my kids, with a woefully funded 529, family trips to the Blue Ridge Mountains, and the luxury of clean water, medical care and a safe home are haves.

Americans sometimes really disgust me with their ignorance.

From one Indian-American to another, you are being purposely obtuse when you go all SJW on “ignorant” Americans while ignoring the EXTREME income and class inequality in India. Yeah there’s poor people who live in slums but there’s also a huge middle class and ultra rich class that have everything and much more than you. They don’t even treat the poor like humans, let alone sympathize and contemplate what it’s like to be a “have not.” There’s a lot of striving and loss of perspective around the world, not just in America.

+1, thank you. Maybe the PP would let us know whether her family in India employs domestic help, and what they pay them.

Yes please do tell us how many domestic workers your family has in India, what they do and what you pay them. Then you can get off your high horse.

These threads are so gross.

Seriously, I don't know how people can standard to participate in them.

I read the whole thing and now I feel sick.

You should all feel ashamed of yourselves.

This is all very entertaining.

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Anonymous wrote:Does this sound about right?

Have nothing - low income
Have not - LMC/MC
Have - UMC
Have More - Top 1%
Have All - Trust fund baby. Never has to work.

I don't get why people bother to make gradations like this on here.

If you're not in the top two, who cares? You're not even in the game.

NP. The point is the exact opposite - so long as you're not a 'have nothing' or a 'have not', you are 'in the game' - you're not starting out completely in the hole and you have a chance at staying out of the hole. The real difference between being a have and a have not isn't taking your kids to Machu Picchu, it's having a comfortable roof over your head, family healthily fed, health insurance, able to support some education opportunities for your kids, and saving up something for retirement. It's not staying up every night worrying about your rickety car breaking down or an unexpected utility assessment, knowing that you can handle a $500 or $1000 emergency without your life falling completely to pieces. It's stability (or the ability to financially mitigate personal instability, if need be).

I would put MC and maybe even some LMC in the category of 'have something.' I grew up MC, and very, very well understand the breaks that I got - braces, family members willing and able to drive me to the library and activities, music lessons, parents' ability to pay for some college (ended up with a full scholarship, so education money went to grad school). My parents couldn't have afforded trips to Machu Picchu (indeed, I didn't go out of the country until late high school), but that's totally ok - I had the ability to fund that once I got going on my own, because I didn't start out in the hole.

I grew up with a lot of poorer friends who didn't get most of those breaks, and my life was a lot easier. I'd be a complete fool if I didn't realize this. Of course some people have (a lot) more than what I grew up with, but I had enough to give me a decent shot at success. If your kids have something similar (or more!), then hopefully they understand what a great deal they have. If your kids don't understand this, then that's probably a more important lesson to focus on than whatever they might learn going to Machu Picchu or Aspen or wherever the spring break trip du jour is.

^^ their parents

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Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

PP here. No my kids aren’t bilingual (white Americans) but they do have daily foreign language instruction in their top private.

As for Machu Pichu, yes we have been but we took the train.

Nothing in that post says “have” to me

Daily foreign language instruction? That means that they’re not bilingual. So according to this definition, your monolingual children are not haves. Move along now.

Ooh someone is testy for being told that they're a "have not."

Look I am the poster who said that if you're not expecting a massive trust fund in your twenties which will set you up for LIFE, you're not a "have" in our current economy and political system (very rapidly moving towards oligarchy) and I stand by that.

So you're not exactly hurting my feelings with your stupid put down about foreign language instruction.

My kids are studying Spanish anyway and I don't see that Spanish will give them that big of an advantage as adults. But you never know I guess.

However, we will send them to Spain or South America for an immersion experience in high school and pay for them to study abroad in college so they can achieve fluency too.

Testy...for what? My children are trilingual, yours are monolingual (with daily foreign language instruction). I’m just stating facts.

And be careful about the high school “immersion” and college study abroad experiences. I know plenty of kids who did that and still came back monolingual.

And plenty who did!

Your trilingual kids will grow up to be translators. Big deal.

With two Ivy League educated lawyer parents? I doubt it. It’s more likely that they’ll end up translating legal documents and the law for their monolingual clients, like your children.

But how many countries have your supposedly trilingual kids visited? That to me was the interesting part of this thread. I would have thought many kids in the area could give the 30+ country lady a run for her money. But it sounds like not?

And even if you ensure your kids can use their supposed fluency now, there is no guarantee they will choose to maintain it as adults, and it is easy to grow rusty in this essentially monolinguistic country, even for those kids whose families speak another language.

I’m the poster whose two elementary-aged children have traveled to over 30 countries. My children are also trilingual. We, they’re parents, are monolingual. We have spent an inordinate amount of time and money (but especially time) to make this happen. My point in posting is not to get into a pissing contest about who is a have/have not because I don’t care about that nonsense. I’m pointing out that many people on this thread are trying to make it seem that extensive foreign travel, multingualism, etc are hallmarks of an upper class childhood—it’s not. Even people who have the means, often don’t have the time or inclination to provide such experiences to their children.

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Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

PP here. No my kids aren’t bilingual (white Americans) but they do have daily foreign language instruction in their top private.

As for Machu Pichu, yes we have been but we took the train.

Nothing in that post says “have” to me

Daily foreign language instruction? That means that they’re not bilingual. So according to this definition, your monolingual children are not haves. Move along now.

Ooh someone is testy for being told that they're a "have not."

Look I am the poster who said that if you're not expecting a massive trust fund in your twenties which will set you up for LIFE, you're not a "have" in our current economy and political system (very rapidly moving towards oligarchy) and I stand by that.

So you're not exactly hurting my feelings with your stupid put down about foreign language instruction.

My kids are studying Spanish anyway and I don't see that Spanish will give them that big of an advantage as adults. But you never know I guess.

However, we will send them to Spain or South America for an immersion experience in high school and pay for them to study abroad in college so they can achieve fluency too.

Testy...for what? My children are trilingual, yours are monolingual (with daily foreign language instruction). I’m just stating facts.

And be careful about the high school “immersion” and college study abroad experiences. I know plenty of kids who did that and still came back monolingual.

And plenty who did!

Your trilingual kids will grow up to be translators. Big deal.

With two Ivy League educated lawyer parents? I doubt it. It’s more likely that they’ll end up translating legal documents and the law for their monolingual clients, like your children.

But how many countries have your supposedly trilingual kids visited? That to me was the interesting part of this thread. I would have thought many kids in the area could give the 30+ country lady a run for her money. But it sounds like not?

And even if you ensure your kids can use their supposed fluency now, there is no guarantee they will choose to maintain it as adults, and it is easy to grow rusty in this essentially monolinguistic country, even for those kids whose families speak another language.

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Your trilingual kids will grow up to be translators. Big deal.

With two Ivy League educated lawyer parents? I doubt it. It’s more likely that they’ll end up translating legal documents and the law for their monolingual clients, like your children.

NP here, and I'm somewhat bilingual. I do international trade so my ability to speak two languages has been helpful, but it's not nearly as advantageous as you are making it out to be. There are plenty of other people in my industry doing exactly what I do but speaks only English and they are doing just fine, and many are even more successful than I am. It may seem impressive to Americans to speak a non-English language, but I tell you, it's extremely easy to find a foreigner who speaks English well enough to act as the bridge. I understand that legal representation and documents is a little more rigorous than trade contract negotiations but not by a huge margin.

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Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

PP here. No my kids aren’t bilingual (white Americans) but they do have daily foreign language instruction in their top private.

As for Machu Pichu, yes we have been but we took the train.

Nothing in that post says “have” to me

Daily foreign language instruction? That means that they’re not bilingual. So according to this definition, your monolingual children are not haves. Move along now.

Ooh someone is testy for being told that they're a "have not."

Look I am the poster who said that if you're not expecting a massive trust fund in your twenties which will set you up for LIFE, you're not a "have" in our current economy and political system (very rapidly moving towards oligarchy) and I stand by that.

So you're not exactly hurting my feelings with your stupid put down about foreign language instruction.

My kids are studying Spanish anyway and I don't see that Spanish will give them that big of an advantage as adults. But you never know I guess.

However, we will send them to Spain or South America for an immersion experience in high school and pay for them to study abroad in college so they can achieve fluency too.

Testy...for what? My children are trilingual, yours are monolingual (with daily foreign language instruction). I’m just stating facts.

And be careful about the high school “immersion” and college study abroad experiences. I know plenty of kids who did that and still came back monolingual.

Testy because you're obviously the poster who wrote that long involved paragraph patting themselves on the back for being 'haves" when what you describe is totally typical and even pedestrian for DC.

And you're mad that people have the nerve to call you on your bs.

It's not special that your kids have been to Peru. Sorry! Millions of people have been there.

Nope, I’m not that poster. I don’t care whether or not you think I, or my children, are haves. I’m just making the point that most of you posting here have mediocre to very average monolingual children. You need to stop pretending that your children check all of the PP’s boxes.

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Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

PP here. No my kids aren’t bilingual (white Americans) but they do have daily foreign language instruction in their top private.

As for Machu Pichu, yes we have been but we took the train.

Nothing in that post says “have” to me

Daily foreign language instruction? That means that they’re not bilingual. So according to this definition, your monolingual children are not haves. Move along now.

Ooh someone is testy for being told that they're a "have not."

Look I am the poster who said that if you're not expecting a massive trust fund in your twenties which will set you up for LIFE, you're not a "have" in our current economy and political system (very rapidly moving towards oligarchy) and I stand by that.

So you're not exactly hurting my feelings with your stupid put down about foreign language instruction.

My kids are studying Spanish anyway and I don't see that Spanish will give them that big of an advantage as adults. But you never know I guess.

However, we will send them to Spain or South America for an immersion experience in high school and pay for them to study abroad in college so they can achieve fluency too.

Testy...for what? My children are trilingual, yours are monolingual (with daily foreign language instruction). I’m just stating facts.

And be careful about the high school “immersion” and college study abroad experiences. I know plenty of kids who did that and still came back monolingual.

And plenty who did!

Your trilingual kids will grow up to be translators. Big deal.

With two Ivy League educated lawyer parents? I doubt it. It’s more likely that they’ll end up translating legal documents and the law for their monolingual clients, like your children.