Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:48     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Another perspective -- my husband is the youngest of three kids. Not a blended family. The family got wealthier over time so my husband got more stuff than anyone else. He was the only one who got a car at 16, for example and the others were out of the house and on their own by then, with their own cars. I don't think his parents ever tried to keep things monetarily equal for all the kids - I think they just gave whatever they had to whoever was there and didn't think too much about tit for tat. All the kids got college paid for so i'm sure in their minds they were providing the necessities to all. I'm not justifying it as the correct behavior, but just a thought that it might not be just about the blended family aspect.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:46     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
I would address the piece of it that is in your territory. You don’t get to decide how they spend their money but you can certainly refuse to listen to long descriptions of lavish gifts and family outings that you were excluded from.

“What kind of cases do you think Anastasia and Drizella would like for their new iPads?”
“Mom, I know that you and Stepdad enjoy buying these generous gifts for my sisters, but I find it a bit hurtful to always be excluded so I’d rather not hear about it in detail. Enjoy your visit with them!”

“We had so much fun in Paris!”
“That’s nice. We look forward to your visit in February. The kids are excited to show you their new bikes!”
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:42     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.



I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.


You make yourself look worse every time you post.

Shame on you.

You should have been raised better.


DP here. I do not have step kids or parents. But if some day I do (hopefully I will not), I would never expect to be treated as a biological child or parent. And I would never leave money to step grandkids. Never.


No one is talking about leaving money.

We are talking about gifts, trips and time.

There is a reason why the term stepmonster exists.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:42     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
I haven't read all the way through. Just wanted to say I don't blame you for not loving this arrangement and feeling hurt. Basically these gifts are the stepdad - and with him your mom - saying you count for less in their family. And yes of course the money is now THEIRS - plus it's not like he's buying them condos or some extraordinary gift; if he can afford two Macbooks he can probably afford three Macbooks. There's no reason I can think of not to treat you equally.

Just ask your mom what's up with this. Tell her you feel kind of crappy about it - or tell her however it does make you feel. Ask her what's going on.

Also sorry. Family dynamics can be hard.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:41     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Anonymous wrote:Imagine how I feel reading your whining when I had to pay my mom’s mortgage 2 months this year. Count your damn blessings.


OP's dad died when she was a teenager and it seems when her mom remarried when she was in her 20s she didn't gain a father, she witnessed her mother become absorbed in her new family. That's rough.

I think if OP mentioned that she didn't have a living father in the beginning it would be clear it isn't just about the material.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:38     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When the step-dad married OP’s mom, OP became part of his nuclear family...or should have. One does discriminate between siblings in a nuclear family.

Now the step-dad may not “get” this, but OP’s mom is a jerk for letting this go on.

OP, you are being unfairly treated. My guess is that you don’t care about the gifts so much as the obvious favoritism. You have a legitimate grievance. Since your mom has let this go on so long, I seriously doubt anything will change at this point. But I certainly would sit your mom down and tell her how you have felt all these years. She is not a considerate parent and should be called out for it.


Not really.

You're expecting too much from real humans. We live in the real world, not some fairy tale. OP was a grownup when her mom remarried. OP is now in her 40s. The stepkids are in their early 20s, for most practical purposes they're still kids.

I wouldn't expect a stepparent in this circumstances to love me or treat me as generously as he or she would to their own children. Likewise I wouldn't expect an inheritance equal to theirs, if the stepparent was inclined to leave me any money. Likewise I wouldn't expect my mother to love the stepkids as much as she loved me. Just being practical and realistic about the situation. Nor is it a nuclear family. A nuclear family is mom, dad and the kids. Boom. That's it.


OP was in college when mom remarried.

OP is now 30, NOT 40.

The step sisters are the age or a little older than OP was when her mom married this man.


So she never lived with this man? I think it is crazy to expect the same treatment. If she had been raised in the same house, sure. But she was not.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:37     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.



I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.


You make yourself look worse every time you post.

Shame on you.

You should have been raised better.


DP here. I do not have step kids or parents. But if some day I do (hopefully I will not), I would never expect to be treated as a biological child or parent. And I would never leave money to step grandkids. Never.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:35     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When the step-dad married OP’s mom, OP became part of his nuclear family...or should have. One does discriminate between siblings in a nuclear family.

Now the step-dad may not “get” this, but OP’s mom is a jerk for letting this go on.

OP, you are being unfairly treated. My guess is that you don’t care about the gifts so much as the obvious favoritism. You have a legitimate grievance. Since your mom has let this go on so long, I seriously doubt anything will change at this point. But I certainly would sit your mom down and tell her how you have felt all these years. She is not a considerate parent and should be called out for it.


Not really.

You're expecting too much from real humans. We live in the real world, not some fairy tale. OP was a grownup when her mom remarried. OP is now in her 40s. The stepkids are in their early 20s, for most practical purposes they're still kids.

I wouldn't expect a stepparent in this circumstances to love me or treat me as generously as he or she would to their own children. Likewise I wouldn't expect an inheritance equal to theirs, if the stepparent was inclined to leave me any money. Likewise I wouldn't expect my mother to love the stepkids as much as she loved me. Just being practical and realistic about the situation. Nor is it a nuclear family. A nuclear family is mom, dad and the kids. Boom. That's it.


OP was in college when mom remarried.

OP is now 30, NOT 40.

The step sisters are the age or a little older than OP was when her mom married this man.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:34     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When the step-dad married OP’s mom, OP became part of his nuclear family...or should have. One does discriminate between siblings in a nuclear family.

Now the step-dad may not “get” this, but OP’s mom is a jerk for letting this go on.

OP, you are being unfairly treated. My guess is that you don’t care about the gifts so much as the obvious favoritism. You have a legitimate grievance. Since your mom has let this go on so long, I seriously doubt anything will change at this point. But I certainly would sit your mom down and tell her how you have felt all these years. She is not a considerate parent and should be called out for it.


Not really.

You're expecting too much from real humans. We live in the real world, not some fairy tale. OP was a grownup when her mom remarried. OP is now in her 40s. The stepkids are in their early 20s, for most practical purposes they're still kids.

I wouldn't expect a stepparent in this circumstances to love me or treat me as generously as he or she would to their own children. Likewise I wouldn't expect an inheritance equal to theirs, if the stepparent was inclined to leave me any money. Likewise I wouldn't expect my mother to love the stepkids as much as she loved me. Just being practical and realistic about the situation. Nor is it a nuclear family. A nuclear family is mom, dad and the kids. Boom. That's it.


OP was in college when mom remarried.

OP is now 30, NOT 40.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:33     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Anonymous wrote:Your parents are rude and I'd cut back ties with them.

But they probably think your dad should be giving you great gifts just like their dad is. Your mom's gifts are only half of the gift from your parents.


Her dad is dead.

He died when she was a teenager and her mom married the rich guy soon after that.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:29     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.



I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.


You make yourself look worse every time you post.

Shame on you.

You should have been raised better.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:24     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Anonymous wrote:Your parents are rude and I'd cut back ties with them.

But they probably think your dad should be giving you great gifts just like their dad is. Your mom's gifts are only half of the gift from your parents.


The OP posted that her Dad died and her mother remarried as a widow.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:23     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Anonymous wrote:When the step-dad married OP’s mom, OP became part of his nuclear family...or should have. One does discriminate between siblings in a nuclear family.

Now the step-dad may not “get” this, but OP’s mom is a jerk for letting this go on.

OP, you are being unfairly treated. My guess is that you don’t care about the gifts so much as the obvious favoritism. You have a legitimate grievance. Since your mom has let this go on so long, I seriously doubt anything will change at this point. But I certainly would sit your mom down and tell her how you have felt all these years. She is not a considerate parent and should be called out for it.


Not really.

You're expecting too much from real humans. We live in the real world, not some fairy tale. OP was a grownup when her mom remarried. OP is now in her 40s. The stepkids are in their early 20s, for most practical purposes they're still kids.

I wouldn't expect a stepparent in this circumstances to love me or treat me as generously as he or she would to their own children. Likewise I wouldn't expect an inheritance equal to theirs, if the stepparent was inclined to leave me any money. Likewise I wouldn't expect my mother to love the stepkids as much as she loved me. Just being practical and realistic about the situation. Nor is it a nuclear family. A nuclear family is mom, dad and the kids. Boom. That's it.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 08:52     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Curious if people with step-whatevers have the same approach (whatever that is) with time/attention/affection for these kids as they do with money.
Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 08:32     Subject: Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?
Your parents are rude and I'd cut back ties with them.

But they probably think your dad should be giving you great gifts just like their dad is. Your mom's gifts are only half of the gift from your parents.