Anonymous
11/20/2018 17:20
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
The right one is the one you can spend 50 years with. The relationship has to be friendly, comfortable, and so thoroughly founded on trust that you don't even really think about whether you can trust them. Make sure your politics and religion are compatible.
That said, before you settle down, not every date has to be an interview for a long term relationship.
That said, before you settle down, not every date has to be an interview for a long term relationship.
Anonymous
11/20/2018 17:08
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Anonymous wrote:Dear Self, These are the qualities that are instant deal breakers. Run away quickly if you see them in a man.
- addiction past or present -booze, drugs, gambling
- mental illness past or present, ptsd, depress
- violence, especially in previous relationships
- stupid debt, bad credit , overspending
- kids that he doesn't see or take care of
- spotty employment
-criminal records
- bad family relationships
If some members of the family are toxic(and many time they are) it is actually a positive.
Anonymous
11/20/2018 17:02
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:College years are your best time to date and meet a variety of guys. Do not be so focused on studies you forget about romance. You’ll be 30 and regret it.
Also don’t be scared to ask a guy out.
find a woman that likes to masturbate and can bring herself to orgasm. Having a partner that likes sex is by far the most important factor in a happy relationship for a man.
There is no low libido man, only constant rejection from a fat wife with body image issues. Find someone that will take care of herself first
Anonymous
11/20/2018 10:30
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Dear Self, These are the qualities that are instant deal breakers. Run away quickly if you see them in a man.
- addiction past or present -booze, drugs, gambling
- mental illness past or present, ptsd, depress
- violence, especially in previous relationships
- stupid debt, bad credit , overspending
- kids that he doesn't see or take care of
- spotty employment
-criminal records
- bad family relationships
- addiction past or present -booze, drugs, gambling
- mental illness past or present, ptsd, depress
- violence, especially in previous relationships
- stupid debt, bad credit , overspending
- kids that he doesn't see or take care of
- spotty employment
-criminal records
- bad family relationships
Anonymous
11/20/2018 10:06
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You will fall out of love with everyone.
It good to learn to be on your own bc by the time you figure out you WANT to be alone. It will be too late.
I wonder how much overlap there is between this mindset and that of the “don’t settle” posters. Because personally I’m glad I settled, but I had an incentive of missing that want to be alone mindset.
Can you elaborate on how you settled? Because there’s a difference in “settling” for a partner without an advanced degree - when that was on your list - and settling for a man who’s lazy, or dishonest, or untrue.
cba
11/20/2018 00:16
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Anonymous wrote:Actually, I think my younger self had it right when it comes to dating/relationships.
Friendships are a different story. There's a lot I'd like to tell my younger self about trusting other people.
I think I had a pretty good understanding of men and dating. I didn't follow a lot of traditional advice. I had a lot of interesting dating/relationship experiences, and honestly, I don't think I'd change a thing about them. I have no regrets in that regard.
But friendships are different, and I think I have never been good understanding women (I am a woman). I also think that society kind of drills it into women to be wary of men when dating, but they don't drill it into women enough to be wary of other women in life. Female friends have hurt me far more than any man ever did or any breakup. I think it's because I never really had it on my radar to be careful not to trust other women.
Just my 2 cents.
Please elaborate. I'm very intrigued.
Anonymous
11/19/2018 19:25
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Don't have kids you g .live your life first.
Anonymous
11/19/2018 19:17
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Don’t be afraid to date a rotation of multiple guys before you commit to one - be free spirited while you can - don’t marry a guy you aren’t sexually comparable with - if he is funny and awesomenut seems closer gay don’t marry him - you will have no sex life after you have kids.
Don’t be afraid of rejection...
Fall in love with yourself first and discover what you like before you fall in love with your future husband
If he seems abusiveir redflags run away and break it iff
Don’t be afraid of rejection...
Fall in love with yourself first and discover what you like before you fall in love with your future husband
If he seems abusiveir redflags run away and break it iff
Anonymous
11/19/2018 15:04
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Be wild in your youth! Have that threesome (if you want to).
But settle down by your early 30s and try to finish having your kids by 35.
It's tough to be middle-aged with really young kids.
But settle down by your early 30s and try to finish having your kids by 35.
It's tough to be middle-aged with really young kids.
Anonymous
11/19/2018 13:39
Subject: Re:If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Anonymous wrote:Be more confident and be more honest about how you feel.
That’s it.
+1
I'm astounded by all the PP's advice to "date" more. "Dating" was pretty much dead 25 years ago when I was in college. We were already in the hook up culture back then (at my college, anyway). My advice to my younger self (and to my daughter) would be to actually allow yourself to take chances on deeper relationships - be honest about your feelings. I went for years pretending that I didn't really care, or purposely avoiding expressing true feelings. Prioritized my education, career, over everything else. My regret is that I didn't allow myself deeper connections and looking back that part of my life feels like it was shallow (and I did not enjoy it. I was not happy.
Fortunately, I met DH late 20s and for whatever reason allowed myself to be more honest with him. It feels like my relationship with DH was my only true relationship.
So basically you wish you had dated more and had relationships instead of hooking up. People were definitely dating 25 years ago. Dating isn’t dead if you have standards. My advice is have your standards for how you are treated. Don’t just go with the current trend,
Anonymous
11/19/2018 12:44
Subject: Re:If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Be more confident and be more honest about how you feel.
That’s it.
+1
I'm astounded by all the PP's advice to "date" more. "Dating" was pretty much dead 25 years ago when I was in college. We were already in the hook up culture back then (at my college, anyway). My advice to my younger self (and to my daughter) would be to actually allow yourself to take chances on deeper relationships - be honest about your feelings. I went for years pretending that I didn't really care, or purposely avoiding expressing true feelings. Prioritized my education, career, over everything else. My regret is that I didn't allow myself deeper connections and looking back that part of my life feels like it was shallow (and I did not enjoy it. I was not happy.
Fortunately, I met DH late 20s and for whatever reason allowed myself to be more honest with him. It feels like my relationship with DH was my only true relationship.
Anonymous
11/19/2018 12:27
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Be more confident and be more honest about how you feel.
That’s it.
That’s it.
Anonymous
11/19/2018 12:23
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Anonymous wrote:You will fall out of love with everyone.
It good to learn to be on your own bc by the time you figure out you WANT to be alone. It will be too late.
I wonder how much overlap there is between this mindset and that of the “don’t settle” posters. Because personally I’m glad I settled, but I had an incentive of missing that want to be alone mindset.
Anonymous
11/19/2018 12:18
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
Do not settle do not settle do not settle for somebody you are not really physically into. It never gets better. Yes, he's smart and kind but you need to be attracted to him. Hold the line when you try to break up with him and actually break up with him. Don't let him push his own agenda just because he doesn't want to break up.
Anonymous
11/19/2018 12:14
Subject: If you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self about dating/ relationships?
I naively believed the notion when you find the right one, that' it....in your early 20s.
I would tell my younger self to not settle down but rather date around and experience other partners to get a flavor as to what makes you tick and what you are truly compatible with. You don't know that if you don't get out there and date.
I would tell my younger self to not settle down but rather date around and experience other partners to get a flavor as to what makes you tick and what you are truly compatible with. You don't know that if you don't get out there and date.