Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and if you are adopting transracially, get your white privilege in check (for white adoptive parents adopting children of color). make sure your kids will have racial mirrors in their lives. Are you willing to stand up to your Fox news loving uncle who says black kids are thugs? can you find a barber to do your your black son's hair? these things matter.

I sincerely hope for your kids' sake that you are not a white adoptive parent of a child of color.

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted at birth. My parents set up my adoption with my birth parents before I was adopted and were actually at the hospital when I was born.
My parents are my parents. No if, ands, or buts. My birth parents gave me an amazing gift by choosing adoption, but they're not my Mom and Dad. But that's just my feelings.

What I always say when I share my story is that this is MY experience and that every adoptee has a different one. Someone could have the same exact circumstances as me but feel completely different about them. And that's fine. Life is complicated.

Long story short: I don't resent being adopted. My DH and I plan to adopt in addition to attempting to have kids naturally. My sister (my parents biological child) also plans on adopting. That probably means the most to me because it shows how much she values me being part of our family.

But why would you or your sister adopt an infant if you can have your own children? It's not as though there are a bunch of motherless babies in the US who need someone to swoop in an rescue them.
It just doesn't make sense. It reminds me of my coworker who already had 2 girls was pregnant again and wanted a boy. "But it's ok if this is another girl, we'll just adopt a boy next time." When I asked more details about her plan, she said they'd just go to an adoption agency and pick out a birth mom who was pregnant with a boy. As though all the unmarred pregnant women are on a list somewhere and the adoptive parents get to shop for what they want.

Where You're needed is in foster care and foster/adopt. That's where kids are actually waiting for good homes.

Adoption is not one paradigm with any one genesis or outcome. Not all birtmothers were sad to give up their kids, some were, some had a little of both emotions. Not all children were deprived of contact, or deprived of anything. Not all adoptees came from impoverished situations and were then adopted into a better life. Adoptees are not prone to any more depression than others. They can be prone to depression, addiction, and disease just like everyone, and yes, some can inherit these tendencies, but it is not because they were adopted. No one can speak for all adoptees with any broad stroke- and that includes what their rights are, what is expected or not expected of them, or what rights the birth mother has, or even the adoptive parents.

Paperwork, custom, and laws have been replaced by different social mores and DNA tests. The rules have all changed and information attainment has been turned on its head. Enough making statements and mandates about the adopted person. It is ridiculous to continue to do it,despite endless attempts on DCUM to do so. Just stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this makes me sad. I want to adopt but one of my biggest fears is my "baby" leaving me for the bio family

Then you should not adopt. Period. An adoptee’s bio family is her family. Her first mother IS her mother. She may have brothers and sisters. You would be her adoptive mom and if you do it right, you are her famiky, too, but you NEVER negate the existence of her first family. And just as we all have some family that we are closer to, some family we “click” with, and some family we don’t, an adopted child may choose to spend more time with her first family than yours someday. That is okay. If you are open and accepting of the reality of your child’s first family, all the better for all of you. But if you can only be happy raising an adopted child by erasing her first family, do NOT adopt. You are what anti-adoption blogs are made of.

Adoptee here, and you need to stop generalizing. My biological mother is NOT my mother. My biological family is NOT my family, first or otherwise. My mother is the woman who raised me. My family are the people who loved me. Period.

Other adoptees may feel differently, which is fine--we all have different experiences. It just drives me nuts when people generalize.

Whoa, way to erase the woman who gestated you for 9 months. I get it, you love your mom. She raised you well but apparently not with empathy, because you did indeed have a first mother who very likely loved you as well.

Whoa, you need to stop speaking for adoptees. Stop erasing their voices. Just stop.

Okay, hear you loud and clear. Adoptee's feelings matter, birthmom's don't.

They are two different issues. And, every birthmom is different too. I'm sorry you are having a tuff time and/or the adoptive parents for your child sucked, but that is not the case for everyone. Birthparent and adoptee are two separate people and can feel very differently about adoption. You made a choice to place your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this makes me sad. I want to adopt but one of my biggest fears is my "baby" leaving me for the bio family

Then you should not adopt. Period. An adoptee’s bio family is her family. Her first mother IS her mother. She may have brothers and sisters. You would be her adoptive mom and if you do it right, you are her famiky, too, but you NEVER negate the existence of her first family. And just as we all have some family that we are closer to, some family we “click” with, and some family we don’t, an adopted child may choose to spend more time with her first family than yours someday. That is okay. If you are open and accepting of the reality of your child’s first family, all the better for all of you. But if you can only be happy raising an adopted child by erasing her first family, do NOT adopt. You are what anti-adoption blogs are made of.

Adoptee here, and you need to stop generalizing. My biological mother is NOT my mother. My biological family is NOT my family, first or otherwise. My mother is the woman who raised me. My family are the people who loved me. Period.

Other adoptees may feel differently, which is fine--we all have different experiences. It just drives me nuts when people generalize.

Whoa, way to erase the woman who gestated you for 9 months. I get it, you love your mom. She raised you well but apparently not with empathy, because you did indeed have a first mother who very likely loved you as well.

Whoa, you need to stop speaking for adoptees. Stop erasing their voices. Just stop.

Okay, hear you loud and clear. Adoptee's feelings matter, birthmom's don't.

Another adoptee here. My family is the one that raised me, that wiped my tears away and cheered me on in my pursuits. I too was the product of a teenager who gave me up for adoption. Yes, she gave me life, and I am grateful that she gave me up. I have met her and it only made me more appreciative of the family that raised me. My life would have been starkly different.

I am a happy adoptee and a grateful one.

Anonymous wrote:I did not see many posts, but noticed the title of this thread and wanted to state my opinion: Yes, adoptees are unhappy. It's best to make children. God made women mostly for that purpose. If you can't have children, adopt. Otherwise, make children, and raise them well. Best of luck!!!

PP, you should put your children (if you have any) up for adoption. Their lives will be better with ANYONE other than you.

Anonymous wrote:What is the percentage of foster kids out there? I can’t imagine their mental state; probably worse than adoptees- any numbers?

Being in foster care or an orphanage the early years with abuse/neglect has a very different impact than a child adopted at birth and bonded with parents.

What is the percentage of foster kids out there? I can’t imagine their mental state; probably worse than adoptees- any numbers?

One thing to note, just because you reject a meme that says “adoption is love” does not mean you are anti adoption. I am a pro adoption, adoptive parent but I sort of hate those silly slogans because I understand that adoption is complex and is often rooted in a sad situation. Just like I hate when people say my daughter is lucky ... actually I’m the lucky one. Adoption is not a fairy tale but I certainly don’t believe all adoptees are damaged. I also think some adoptive parents try so hard to be woke that the go too far talking about the pain of adoption. There is no single universal experience. If you are seriously considering adoption, try to educate yourself beyond the superficial “adoption is love” etc

Anonymous wrote:One of the key factors not taken into account with respect to those statistics is the correlation between mental health issues and prenatal exposure to alcohol/drugs, which can be an issue with adopted kids depending upon the circumstances (e.g., a higher percentage of children in foster care have prenatal exposures). Without considering the underlying circumstances giving rise to placement, any generalizations about adoptees and mental health is a useless exercise.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I did not see many posts, but noticed the title of this thread and wanted to state my opinion: Yes, adoptees are unhappy. It's best to make children. God made women mostly for that purpose. If you can't have children, adopt. Otherwise, make children, and raise them well. Best of luck!!!

WTF??

I did not see many posts, but noticed the title of this thread and wanted to state my opinion: Yes, adoptees are unhappy. It's best to make children. God made women mostly for that purpose. If you can't have children, adopt. Otherwise, make children, and raise them well. Best of luck!!!

One of the key factors not taken into account with respect to those statistics is the correlation between mental health issues and prenatal exposure to alcohol/drugs, which can be an issue with adopted kids depending upon the circumstances (e.g., a higher percentage of children in foster care have prenatal exposures). Without considering the underlying circumstances giving rise to placement, any generalizations about adoptees and mental health is a useless exercise.

Anonymous wrote:Apparently, my take was offensive, but I know many adoptees. I know not ALL adoptees are unhappy, but there is a lot of research backing the fact that there are more mental health struggles (thus why I suggested counselling)

I know this will make the happy adoptees unhappy, but:

Nonetheless, being adopted approximately doubled the odds of having contact with a mental health professional (OR=2.05, CI=1.48, 2.84) and of having a disruptive behavior disorder

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4475346/


Research has found that adopted children are at risk for suffering from mental health disorders. Twelve to 14 percent of adopted children in the United States between the ages of 8 and 18 are diagnosed with a mental health disorder each year, and adopted children are almost twice as likely as children brought up with their biological parents to suffer from mood disorders like anxiety, depression, and behavioral issues.

https://www.claudiablackcenter.com/adopted-children-often-face-mental-health-struggles-as-young-adults/


https://www.sovhealth.com/mental-health/adopted-children-likely-develop-mental-health-disorders-study-shows/

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/c549/3da7099f392ff97a6a3602b0f34849586e63.pdf

All you have to do is look up the percentage of people in the US with mental health disorders and you will quickly learn that it isn not an "adoption" issue.