Op you are handling this great. I worked at a middle school and there was so much cell phone drama with instagram, snapchat... SM used for bullying was worse with girls in middle school than boys but there were boys posting very racist stuff and incredibly vulgar things. There were also inappropriate pictures sent which then were passed around. As everything is forever these days, anytime those pictures surfaced again, the original boys who had them would be interviewed by police all over again. Having sex was outlier behavior (at least for the middle school I worked at) but taking half clothed selfies was more common. Their brains are just not fully developed and they really don't understand both that the pictures stay around forever and that any kids who receive it can be charged with having child pornography.

I do not allow my middle schooler to have instagram or snapchat and we do monitor his phone but not as often as we should be. This is a good reminder that even when you think you don't need to, you should be vigilant.

At the school I worked at some parents didn't monitor because they didn't have a grasp on the technologies, or they trusted their kids when their kids were not really ready for that trust, or they were just incredibly naive.

Anonymous wrote:I remember standing around in 9th grade gym class and we girls were talking about which boys we would want to F (yes, we used that word). I was a virgin until I was 19.

So I remember my high school GF, senior year, telling me that back in freshman year all the girls had talked about which boys had great bodies and which ones they wanted to F, and I was all "wait, what now?" (especially about myself being on the list). I had no clue!

Anonymous wrote:This reminded me of the time my in-laws were talking about how my at the time 13 or 14yo 8th grade niece let a boy ... umm ... use his hands on her in the back of a classroom ... and then the school found out and she was bullied for being a “whore” 9th thru 12th grade.

We sent our girls to single-sex schools to avoid this crap.

"The school found out" because the boy told his friends and they told their friends and soon everyone knew, which is a point well worth emphasizing to teenage girls.

Anonymous wrote:But, the problem is that the genie is out of the bottle and what does OP do next. Mine are 11/9/2 so I have no idea. First blush would be to be punitive but I think that would just drive her 14 YO to resentment and who knows what.

Mine are both under 10 and I'm really, really dreading the transition out of the My Little Pony and Disney Princess years...

But anyway, teenagers are going to resent you no matter what you do or do not do. That part I remember very well!

This child needs a therapist or pastoral counselor but she's not all that unusual. Sexual precociousness is almost a prerequisite for popularity these days. She's reading the social cues correctly. The question she needs to ask herself: is it worth it?

Anonymous wrote:Case and point why 14-year-olds shouldn’t have social media.

I generally support this but at the very minimum, heavily controlled social media (i.e. no need to be on ALL social media platforms).

But, the problem is that the genie is out of the bottle and what does OP do next. Mine are 11/9/2 so I have no idea. First blush would be to be punitive but I think that would just drive her 14 YO to resentment and who knows what.

I think banning of social media is a start and having a conversation with the girl is paramount. A REAL convo - not a chastising one. She needs to have an adult sex conversation on this topic.

Anonymous wrote:Have you seen the movie American Beauty?

Angela (Mena Suvari) regails her friend with stories of her sexual exploits in a manner similar to your daughter's post, only to be confronted at the end of the film and reveal that she is actually a virgin. Her boastfulness belied a self-consciousness issue and a desire to 'fit in' with her peers in a 'shock' sort of way.

http://corvusanalyzes.com/american-beauty-character-arc-analysis/

When I read what your daughter wrote it sounded like a combination of this and / or some lyrics from whatever song is popular right now. It seemed almost exaggerated to a sense I had a hard time believing it was actually coming from someone who was still looking to have sex for the first time.

But maybe I'm just clueless as to how kids talk nowdays or where she is in her sexual development, but as you talk to her you might look at it as her way of trying to impress her friends.

Oh, okay. A Hollywood movie says the daughter is probably just kidding.

Come ON, people, young girls don’t talk this way. You know who talks this way? Pervy middle aged guys who are having fantasies. Go look at Porn Hub - half of the videos are fantasies of older dudes ‘doing’ young teens in nasty ways.
This was written by a middle aged-60+ year old pervert guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age will you stop checking? College? I am not saying checking is wrong I am just wondering when you will give them privacy? I would not look at my 18 year old's phone but I know another parent who still monitors emails and texts..

You will receive "privacy" when you buy the phone and pay the monthly charge.

Which for most kids is after college..WOW! You can't talk to the doctor or the bank for them anymore but you still think it is fine to read thorugh their social media. I guess that would be incentive for them to take over payments from you.

Anonymous wrote:At what age will you stop checking? College? I am not saying checking is wrong I am just wondering when you will give them privacy? I would not look at my 18 year old's phone but I know another parent who still monitors emails and texts..

You will receive "privacy" when you buy the phone and pay the monthly charge.

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read all the responses, but is there a chance she is just saying what she thinks her peers want her to say and it is all bark?

I would focus on the importance of a clean online image and how it can be used against her. Then I would her an appointment to go on the pill. Then i would make sure to keep things open between you so she can come to you but not lax enough that she thinks she can walk all over you.

I also think this is possibly just peer talk. Although maybe she should change her peer group if that is the case.

I would also make a gyno appointment for her and maybe use some of PP's scared straight ideas.

Good luck OP.

I didn’t read all the responses, but is there a chance she is just saying what she thinks her peers want her to say and it is all bark?

I would focus on the importance of a clean online image and how it can be used against her. Then I would her an appointment to go on the pill. Then i would make sure to keep things open between you so she can come to you but not lax enough that she thinks she can walk all over you.

"Case and point why 14-year-olds shouldn’t have social media."

Yeah, it's much better for them to get burned by social media at 18 or 19 during their first year at college when everyone thinks they know better.

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't need a cell phone, especially since you know she's just going to whore herself out with it. Take it away. She's a CHILD.

You misread the post. She said 14 year old, not 4 year old.

Case and point why 14-year-olds shouldn’t have social media.