Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think you REALLY need to understand that the kids in mainstream privates in this area are also all very bright AND don't have ASD. Is it fair to force your kid into that situation - only you know the answer to that.

You don't know her child and that's unfair to decide he will not be successful just because other kids aren't. A mainstream privates was exactly what my child needed. I cannot imagine what would have happened with public given our experience with public. There are decent schools with very decent people who are willing to give our kids a chance and help them be successful if they are able.

Curious, what kind of supports did your child need in K? My child is very mildly affected, but this is what he got at his public school with an IEP: K class with 21 kids and 1 classroom aide (very experienced aide finishing her degree); 10 hours of push-in support from the special ed teacher; weekly OT; weekly social worker. When the push-in special ed teacher wasn't there, the classroom aide would act as a de-facto push-in aide and make sure my child got situated and participated in specials etc. The other 2 kids I know with HFA have even more supports - one has a 1:1 aide all day plus everything else; the other is in a excellent autism inclusion classroom. I have a hard time believing that any mainstream private could come close to this.

Prek-2nd we had 8 kids in a class and often had an assistant. 21 kids would have been a disaster early on. In public we got 2 30 minutes of group speech and that was about it. That is not mildly impacted if you got that level of services and your child needs that level of support. Now, a few years later, he just needs a teacher to check in every once in a while but rarely needs any extra support (nor would he get it at his public so if he needs it we will have to go back to private), grade and test scores are all very good. Needs no assistance in specials or outside activities.

So your child has autism, and all they needed to be successful was a small class size? Does he get any other therapies?

Also, if your child is actually autistic, then yes, they do need services and support. If they don't actually need professional supports in the classroom, then why bother disclosing the diagnosis? But I don't think that's OP's situation, since she knows the diagnosis would be obvious. But I'm not really sure what OP is looking for in a mainstream private -- that she would pay for the extra supports in the classroom, that the private teachers would not need any professional training in SNs, or that she could do all private therapies out of school and that would be enough?

Its very individual to the child. We had outside therapies and the teacher would regularly communicate but because of how the school set up was, they took the time to help and it was exactly what my child needed. The special educator and all that training we found was completely unhelpful once we went to public. I'd take someone willing over someone unwilling and SN trained any day. Most privates don't allow extra supports in the classroom and with a willing teacher and outside therapies, it can work.

Remember ASD is a huge spectrum. Kids who were PDD-NOS are now diagnosed with ASD as there is social communication disorder but its not equal in standing nor does it get services paid for. So, someone saying their child is mildly impacted may mean something very different. The other poster listing everything they got in public is very different than what mine got. Our public will not work with all. My child needed a lot of support and services, but now older he's fine without any of it. He could benefit from support at school in one academic area but the school refuses to help with that so we gave up fighting as it was a losing battle.

We fully disclosed what was going on. A lot of schools weren't willing but I'm grateful now as we landed at the right school for our child. We also had a some say they'd take him but it was clearly for the money.

The only issue we had with the private was them knowing when to back off and let him do it on his own. And, that's not a bad issue to have.

I wish they had their old staff still or it might be a good fit for OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

I am the poster with the 11 yr old and the main issue I have with mainstream privates especially at a young age is that without the proper supports, it is likely that a child with ASD will develop anxiety... and as a diagnosis, anxiety can cause a lot more issues than "just" ASD. Just because a child with ASD does not have behavioral issues at 4 does not mean it will stay that way all through school especially if they are at a school with little/no supports or understanding for ASD.

That said, I know it is very possible for a child with ASD to be successful at a mainstream private. My FIL who would have qualified for an Asperger's diagnosis attended a top tier private school from K-12 in NYC and an Ivy as did my DH and his brother - all spectrumish if not clinically diagnosable. When I told my MIL that we were sending DS to a SN middle school, her initial response was "why?" until I told her that the school will teach DS to be "less rigid" - after which she supports us wholeheartedly. Yeah, MIL understands after being married to FIL for 60+ yrs.

Currently, I know kids with ASD at many top tier NYC private schools but they either started at those schools prior to getting diagnosed with ASD or they applied and got in at a older grade when there was a clear indication of what supports were needed or not for them to succeed.

If you are set on sending your DS to a mainstream school, public or private, be on the lookout for a potential anxiety diagnoses in the future if the school cannot provide adequate supports.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think you REALLY need to understand that the kids in mainstream privates in this area are also all very bright AND don't have ASD. Is it fair to force your kid into that situation - only you know the answer to that.

You don't know her child and that's unfair to decide he will not be successful just because other kids aren't. A mainstream privates was exactly what my child needed. I cannot imagine what would have happened with public given our experience with public. There are decent schools with very decent people who are willing to give our kids a chance and help them be successful if they are able.

Curious, what kind of supports did your child need in K? My child is very mildly affected, but this is what he got at his public school with an IEP: K class with 21 kids and 1 classroom aide (very experienced aide finishing her degree); 10 hours of push-in support from the special ed teacher; weekly OT; weekly social worker. When the push-in special ed teacher wasn't there, the classroom aide would act as a de-facto push-in aide and make sure my child got situated and participated in specials etc. The other 2 kids I know with HFA have even more supports - one has a 1:1 aide all day plus everything else; the other is in a excellent autism inclusion classroom. I have a hard time believing that any mainstream private could come close to this.

Prek-2nd we had 8 kids in a class and often had an assistant. 21 kids would have been a disaster early on. In public we got 2 30 minutes of group speech and that was about it. That is not mildly impacted if you got that level of services and your child needs that level of support. Now, a few years later, he just needs a teacher to check in every once in a while but rarely needs any extra support (nor would he get it at his public so if he needs it we will have to go back to private), grade and test scores are all very good. Needs no assistance in specials or outside activities.

So your child has autism, and all they needed to be successful was a small class size? Does he get any other therapies?

We did a lot of outside therapies until about 2nd grade and then tapered off. For our child, it really was the attention the school gave, the kids/families who were there with us at the time and the curriculum/teaching style. Public school has not been willing to work with us at all and its been a very frustrating experience. The difference between the two is huge. The speech therapy in public was not helpful or based on my child's needs and my child could probably benefit from some minor supports but they refuse to provide any and we've given up fighting as its not worth it to us to hire an advocate (at that point if we are spending that kind of money we might as well go back to private which we may in the future but more because we are not happy with the curriculum). The private was far more willing to help and provide the support and it was money well spent. I cannot imagine him doing as well as he is if we had him in public those years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think you REALLY need to understand that the kids in mainstream privates in this area are also all very bright AND don't have ASD. Is it fair to force your kid into that situation - only you know the answer to that.

You don't know her child and that's unfair to decide he will not be successful just because other kids aren't. A mainstream privates was exactly what my child needed. I cannot imagine what would have happened with public given our experience with public. There are decent schools with very decent people who are willing to give our kids a chance and help them be successful if they are able.

Curious, what kind of supports did your child need in K? My child is very mildly affected, but this is what he got at his public school with an IEP: K class with 21 kids and 1 classroom aide (very experienced aide finishing her degree); 10 hours of push-in support from the special ed teacher; weekly OT; weekly social worker. When the push-in special ed teacher wasn't there, the classroom aide would act as a de-facto push-in aide and make sure my child got situated and participated in specials etc. The other 2 kids I know with HFA have even more supports - one has a 1:1 aide all day plus everything else; the other is in a excellent autism inclusion classroom. I have a hard time believing that any mainstream private could come close to this.

Prek-2nd we had 8 kids in a class and often had an assistant. 21 kids would have been a disaster early on. In public we got 2 30 minutes of group speech and that was about it. That is not mildly impacted if you got that level of services and your child needs that level of support. Now, a few years later, he just needs a teacher to check in every once in a while but rarely needs any extra support (nor would he get it at his public so if he needs it we will have to go back to private), grade and test scores are all very good. Needs no assistance in specials or outside activities.

So your child has autism, and all they needed to be successful was a small class size? Does he get any other therapies?

Also, if your child is actually autistic, then yes, they do need services and support. If they don't actually need professional supports in the classroom, then why bother disclosing the diagnosis? But I don't think that's OP's situation, since she knows the diagnosis would be obvious. But I'm not really sure what OP is looking for in a mainstream private -- that she would pay for the extra supports in the classroom, that the private teachers would not need any professional training in SNs, or that she could do all private therapies out of school and that would be enough?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think you REALLY need to understand that the kids in mainstream privates in this area are also all very bright AND don't have ASD. Is it fair to force your kid into that situation - only you know the answer to that.

You don't know her child and that's unfair to decide he will not be successful just because other kids aren't. A mainstream privates was exactly what my child needed. I cannot imagine what would have happened with public given our experience with public. There are decent schools with very decent people who are willing to give our kids a chance and help them be successful if they are able.

Curious, what kind of supports did your child need in K? My child is very mildly affected, but this is what he got at his public school with an IEP: K class with 21 kids and 1 classroom aide (very experienced aide finishing her degree); 10 hours of push-in support from the special ed teacher; weekly OT; weekly social worker. When the push-in special ed teacher wasn't there, the classroom aide would act as a de-facto push-in aide and make sure my child got situated and participated in specials etc. The other 2 kids I know with HFA have even more supports - one has a 1:1 aide all day plus everything else; the other is in a excellent autism inclusion classroom. I have a hard time believing that any mainstream private could come close to this.

Prek-2nd we had 8 kids in a class and often had an assistant. 21 kids would have been a disaster early on. In public we got 2 30 minutes of group speech and that was about it. That is not mildly impacted if you got that level of services and your child needs that level of support. Now, a few years later, he just needs a teacher to check in every once in a while but rarely needs any extra support (nor would he get it at his public so if he needs it we will have to go back to private), grade and test scores are all very good. Needs no assistance in specials or outside activities.

So your child has autism, and all they needed to be successful was a small class size? Does he get any other therapies?

If you really don’t think your public is an option I would cast a wide net. My son was rejected at a lot of schools that had been encouraging up to that point. And the SN privates can be choosy too.

Lots of excellent comments, etc., showing the breadth and depth of the group's experience, as well as the different environments in which the different children thrive Thank you. I REALLY appreciate the specific comments to "consider" or "don't consider" a specified school. We generally lean toward more support in an SN school in the early years. But, we want the results of the neuropsych, etc. and their recommendations before developing our final short list of schools to which we will apply. We also want to know as much as we can about the options that might be available, and you guys are helping to compile that list. Much appreciated. Hopefully this thread will also serve as a useful resource for others in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

And, my child was the opposite and needed a lot of support early on which he got at his small private. They heavily pushed reading and writing and other academics which was one of the reasons he thrived as he loves learning. He does far better being pushed ahead. The IEP was a joke for us and essentially useless. The private did such a good job preparing him that reality is because of that foundation and the private services we did, he could have been successful at public or another private. It really is individual to their kids. Our child did pick up reading easily young, but very few can do that. But, it probably had to do with all the services he was in as well as what we did at home. Right now, he'd do much better in a more demanding and rigorous program. Point being every child is different. We heavily pushed early intervention with private services, work with him and got him to the right schools and that made the difference for him (but obviously its very kid specific and this is pretty rare). He's learned to cope with the areas he still struggles with and they continue to improve. The public we are in is not demanding or rigorous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think you REALLY need to understand that the kids in mainstream privates in this area are also all very bright AND don't have ASD. Is it fair to force your kid into that situation - only you know the answer to that.

You don't know her child and that's unfair to decide he will not be successful just because other kids aren't. A mainstream privates was exactly what my child needed. I cannot imagine what would have happened with public given our experience with public. There are decent schools with very decent people who are willing to give our kids a chance and help them be successful if they are able.

Curious, what kind of supports did your child need in K? My child is very mildly affected, but this is what he got at his public school with an IEP: K class with 21 kids and 1 classroom aide (very experienced aide finishing her degree); 10 hours of push-in support from the special ed teacher; weekly OT; weekly social worker. When the push-in special ed teacher wasn't there, the classroom aide would act as a de-facto push-in aide and make sure my child got situated and participated in specials etc. The other 2 kids I know with HFA have even more supports - one has a 1:1 aide all day plus everything else; the other is in a excellent autism inclusion classroom. I have a hard time believing that any mainstream private could come close to this.

Prek-2nd we had 8 kids in a class and often had an assistant. 21 kids would have been a disaster early on. In public we got 2 30 minutes of group speech and that was about it. That is not mildly impacted if you got that level of services and your child needs that level of support. Now, a few years later, he just needs a teacher to check in every once in a while but rarely needs any extra support (nor would he get it at his public so if he needs it we will have to go back to private), grade and test scores are all very good. Needs no assistance in specials or outside activities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think you REALLY need to understand that the kids in mainstream privates in this area are also all very bright AND don't have ASD. Is it fair to force your kid into that situation - only you know the answer to that.

You don't know her child and that's unfair to decide he will not be successful just because other kids aren't. A mainstream privates was exactly what my child needed. I cannot imagine what would have happened with public given our experience with public. There are decent schools with very decent people who are willing to give our kids a chance and help them be successful if they are able.

Curious, what kind of supports did your child need in K? My child is very mildly affected, but this is what he got at his public school with an IEP: K class with 21 kids and 1 classroom aide (very experienced aide finishing her degree); 10 hours of push-in support from the special ed teacher; weekly OT; weekly social worker. When the push-in special ed teacher wasn't there, the classroom aide would act as a de-facto push-in aide and make sure my child got situated and participated in specials etc. The other 2 kids I know with HFA have even more supports - one has a 1:1 aide all day plus everything else; the other is in a excellent autism inclusion classroom. I have a hard time believing that any mainstream private could come close to this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact you’re not getting specific names speaks Columbus, right? It’s a unicorn. I’m not trying to be mean but these are the kids that Maddox, Newton, Ieps and social
Skills classes were made for. You sound nice but you’re just not the first one to face this exact predicament. And we already told you the best options.

+1000 OP is chasing a unicorn. I am the pp with the 11 with ASD/ADHD and the number 1 reason DS is going to a SN school for middle school is at the recommendation of his neuropsych, Dr. David Black. OP, what schools does your educational consultant and neuropsych recommend? I am sure you are paying them a lot of $$$$$, you should listen to them.

The good news is that once your child is older, you can always apply to mainstream privates if that is your goal. By then there will have a much clearer picture of your child's abilities and what kind of supports are needed.

We are early in the testing/consulting process, so no recs yet. But we are in mainstream preK now based on prior nneuropsychologist recommendation, which isn’t K, I know, but.... Also, for what it’s worth, we were told by KKI that kiddo has good chance of becoming subclincal at some point. We know this happened with two of his cousins by age 9. They went public (different state) and were denied IEP. So, all of this is running in the back of my mind as we move this process.

OP, you have one foot in hopeful denial land and one foot in reality and that is why it is so hard to advise you. I have no idea what to tell you other than my kid is in mainstream private and they are not trucking with a kid who needs help. They are not equipped to do so. You need to do some self introspection on this process. That is what I see. WTF cares where your child ends up you meet them where they are. That is literally what we are all doing. Get there.

My kid with ASD/ADHD made it on the spectrum by one point on the ADOS when he was 4. I guess you can say he "barely" made it on the spectrum and most people who knew him at that age (and even now at 11) did not think he has any diagnosis at all - I get this reaction all the time including this past weekend - but it is one thing to present as NT outside school and another to be happy and thriving at school.

Everyone in our family attended private schools like the Big 3 but in an even bigger city from k-12 and beyond. According to our neuropsych, DS can manage the academics just fine anywhere. However, I want him to be happy and like school, have friends, etc.

Just because your child with ASD can manage a mainstream private school does not mean he should be sent there. If your child has ASD, they will qualify for an IEP. Yes, even super bright one.

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

Anonymous wrote: I think you REALLY need to understand that the kids in mainstream privates in this area are also all very bright AND don't have ASD. Is it fair to force your kid into that situation - only you know the answer to that.

You don't know her child and that's unfair to decide he will not be successful just because other kids aren't. A mainstream privates was exactly what my child needed. I cannot imagine what would have happened with public given our experience with public. There are decent schools with very decent people who are willing to give our kids a chance and help them be successful if they are able.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maddux is NOT a SN schools. It is licensed as a 'traditional' school and is NOT reimbursable by healthcare insuance carriers because it does NOT treat conditons and it DOES NOT utilize a specialized curriculum.

Agreed. But most people think of it as a SN or “SN-lite” school.

Yes, it is. Kids who don't require help, small classes, etc. are not going there. They have services but they refuse to take insurance to help families pay for it. When we called they insisted we use their SLP for an extra cost despite us having one that insurance took.

Anonymous wrote:Maddux is NOT a SN schools. It is licensed as a 'traditional' school and is NOT reimbursable by healthcare insuance carriers because it does NOT treat conditons and it DOES NOT utilize a specialized curriculum.

But nobody is sending their NT kids to Maddux. Lets be honest.

Anonymous wrote:Maddux is NOT a SN schools. It is licensed as a 'traditional' school and is NOT reimbursable by healthcare insuance carriers because it does NOT treat conditons and it DOES NOT utilize a specialized curriculum.

Agreed. But most people think of it as a SN or “SN-lite” school.