Anonymous
Post 09/21/2018 08:59     Subject: Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Twin mom here - it is 100000% acceptable and encouraged to invite one twin and not the other. It happened a lot to us. It's a wonderful teaching moment, and allows us special time with the other twin. Now that my twins are in third grade, they both have mutual friends and always get invited together. Everyone knows they are twins now and the girls all play well with each other. If a new friend didn't know and was only friends with Twin A, then that's great. We have had childcare issues on the past (my husband works weekend shifts a lot of the time), but we make it work. Why don't you just let your twins enjoy somethings independently. They are not a package deal so stop treating them that way.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2018 07:26     Subject: Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Anonymous wrote:Wow. Americans are an interesting breed. I don’t understand what’s wrong with OP asking if she could bring the other twin? It’s mean to invite one twin and not the other.


Nothing is wrong with this. It’s just dcum. A few vehement people keep posting over and over again.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2018 06:10     Subject: Re:Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
I don”t have twins but kids that are only a year apart in preschool. When the invites started coming we just explained that child A would be invited to birthday parties for the kids in A’s class and B to the B class. My 2.5 year old understood this. Sometimes when I RSVP the host kindly asks if we would like to bring a sibling or it is offered on the invite. So I would assume that if the host really is willing to take on extra guests they will offer. That said I never accept the offer because if I did then the next party one of them couldn’t go to would be drama because I would have confused their understanding of how parties work. We use it as an opportunity for one on one time and if only one parent is available we decline the invite.

In OP”s case I get what she I saying about her other twin may also play with the birthday kid but so could be said of lots of other kids in the same grade. The parents are choosing to cut it off at the specific class.

All parent issuing invites to parties know that the majority of the guests probably have a sibling. If they aren’t conveying this is a bring the whole family or bring all your kids regardless of venue you should respect that.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2018 05:44     Subject: Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Anonymous wrote:Just ask. I wouldn't be annoyed, but I may tell you that the venue has a cap, so I can't give you a definite answer until more RSVPs come in.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2018 05:03     Subject: Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have twin girls in JK (or preschool 4 or whatever you want to call the year before K). We're at a private school that starts with preschool 3 and goes through middle school. We were at a different school, similar grades, last year, but ended up switching because we moved, so we are new to this school as of a few weeks ago. There are two JK classes and they do recess and PE with each other every day as well as some other specials on occasion, so the kids all know each other (as much as they can since school just started). One of my girls has gotten one birthday party invitation for a kid in her class and the other has gotten two invitations for kids in her class. If you were the mom who had sent this invitation out, would you be annoyed if I asked if the uninvited twin was able to come? I would of course say that I completely understand if siblings can't come for whatever reason, and I really would - we had a party where the capacity was capped so I had to be careful with the sibling issue and I totally get it. But even if I said that would I come across as demanding and thoughtless? None of the invitations had any names written on them (i.e. one didn't say Jane and the others didn't say Janet), but I just assumed that the parents didn't know either girl was a twin. I didn't have this issue last year because I feel like we didn't have any early birthdays and by the time we did everyone knew each other and the invitations were extended to both girls.


If the parent doesn't know your child exists then the child should NOT come to the party.

Come on, OP. Drop off Larla and then go and have fun with Larlette!



So what if OP is not comfortable dropping off her 4 year old, and her spouse/partner is not available that weekend?

Would the birthday parent prefer that the invited child not attend or would they prefer that the other twin come along with?

I'd never drop off a 4 year old at a party. When my child was that age, there were weekends where only one of us parents is available to watch both kids(other parent working or out of town), and I have asked whether the other sibling can come with if the party seems big enough, and we paid for other sibling. It has never been a problem. I would never offer for a small group(less than 10 kids) because it is a more intimate party. We would just RSVP no.

Anonymous
Post 09/21/2018 00:32     Subject: Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Wow. Americans are an interesting breed. I don’t understand what’s wrong with OP asking if she could bring the other twin? It’s mean to invite one twin and not the other.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2018 17:23     Subject: Re:Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did the OP specify if this is a childcare issue or not?


The host is not responsible for child care issues. If a specified guest cannot attend because child care is not available for their sibling, the guest (likely through the parent) need only RSVP “no”.


You sound lovely. Do you live around friends from high school? Your mom? Just not care to meet new people? Why wouldn’t you be at least a little accommodating to your guests?
I don’t think your attitude of hoping no one shows to your kids birthday party is as universal as you think it is.


Actually, we live 1500 mi from friends and family, and we are transplants with few resources.

I simply don’t put my needs on a child's birthday party.



So why don’t you want to meet the parents of the kids in your child’s class? Don’t you need friends? Someone who owes you a favor?


What does meeting people for my social needs have to do with arbitrarily self inviting a second sibling to a birthday party where only one child has been invited?


I am not trying to understand why you don’t empathize with the OP. I am trying to understand why you, as a hostess, would prefer a “no” RSVP over accommodating a sibling.
I know that part of the reason I have parties for my kids is to try to get to know the parents. I was speculating on reasons this wouldn’t matter to you, but it’s still a mystery to me.


Then I would host a play date or open house. I don’t rely on my child’s birthday party, which is usually very important to THEM, (or actually any even surrounding them) to make ME friends.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2018 17:02     Subject: Re:Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did the OP specify if this is a childcare issue or not?


The host is not responsible for child care issues. If a specified guest cannot attend because child care is not available for their sibling, the guest (likely through the parent) need only RSVP “no”.


You sound lovely. Do you live around friends from high school? Your mom? Just not care to meet new people? Why wouldn’t you be at least a little accommodating to your guests?
I don’t think your attitude of hoping no one shows to your kids birthday party is as universal as you think it is.


Actually, we live 1500 mi from friends and family, and we are transplants with few resources.

I simply don’t put my needs on a child's birthday party.



So why don’t you want to meet the parents of the kids in your child’s class? Don’t you need friends? Someone who owes you a favor?


What does meeting people for my social needs have to do with arbitrarily self inviting a second sibling to a birthday party where only one child has been invited?


I am not trying to understand why you don’t empathize with the OP. I am trying to understand why you, as a hostess, would prefer a “no” RSVP over accommodating a sibling.
I know that part of the reason I have parties for my kids is to try to get to know the parents. I was speculating on reasons this wouldn’t matter to you, but it’s still a mystery to me.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2018 16:53     Subject: Re:Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did the OP specify if this is a childcare issue or not?


The host is not responsible for child care issues. If a specified guest cannot attend because child care is not available for their sibling, the guest (likely through the parent) need only RSVP “no”.


You sound lovely. Do you live around friends from high school? Your mom? Just not care to meet new people? Why wouldn’t you be at least a little accommodating to your guests?
I don’t think your attitude of hoping no one shows to your kids birthday party is as universal as you think it is.


Actually, we live 1500 mi from friends and family, and we are transplants with few resources.

I simply don’t put my needs on a child's birthday party.



So why don’t you want to meet the parents of the kids in your child’s class? Don’t you need friends? Someone who owes you a favor?


What does meeting people for my social needs have to do with arbitrarily self inviting a second sibling to a birthday party where only one child has been invited?
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2018 16:48     Subject: Re:Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did the OP specify if this is a childcare issue or not?


The host is not responsible for child care issues. If a specified guest cannot attend because child care is not available for their sibling, the guest (likely through the parent) need only RSVP “no”.


You sound lovely. Do you live around friends from high school? Your mom? Just not care to meet new people? Why wouldn’t you be at least a little accommodating to your guests?
I don’t think your attitude of hoping no one shows to your kids birthday party is as universal as you think it is.


Actually, we live 1500 mi from friends and family, and we are transplants with few resources.

I simply don’t put my needs on a child's birthday party.



So why don’t you want to meet the parents of the kids in your child’s class? Don’t you need friends? Someone who owes you a favor?
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2018 16:45     Subject: Re:Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did the OP specify if this is a childcare issue or not?


The host is not responsible for child care issues. If a specified guest cannot attend because child care is not available for their sibling, the guest (likely through the parent) need only RSVP “no”.


You sound lovely. Do you live around friends from high school? Your mom? Just not care to meet new people? Why wouldn’t you be at least a little accommodating to your guests?
I don’t think your attitude of hoping no one shows to your kids birthday party is as universal as you think it is.


Actually, we live 1500 mi from friends and family, and we are transplants with few resources.

I simply don’t put my needs on a child's birthday party.

Anonymous
Post 09/20/2018 16:41     Subject: Re:Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did the OP specify if this is a childcare issue or not?


The host is not responsible for child care issues. If a specified guest cannot attend because child care is not available for their sibling, the guest (likely through the parent) need only RSVP “no”.


You sound lovely. Do you live around friends from high school? Your mom? Just not care to meet new people? Why wouldn’t you be at least a little accommodating to your guests?
I don’t think your attitude of hoping no one shows to your kids birthday party is as universal as you think it is.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2018 16:31     Subject: Re:Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Anonymous wrote:Did the OP specify if this is a childcare issue or not?


The host is not responsible for child care issues. If a specified guest cannot attend because child care is not available for their sibling, the guest (likely through the parent) need only RSVP “no”.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2018 16:17     Subject: Re:Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Did the OP specify if this is a childcare issue or not?
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2018 16:01     Subject: Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What a bunch of bitches. Of course your twin would be invited if I was the host.


Same! I do not have twins, nor do I know many families that do, but I can't imagine having to tell one twin that she's not invited and the other one is, when they both interact with the birthday girl on a semi-regular basis.

If it's a venue where headcount matters, maybe this is a problem. If it's a home party, definitely ask. It's likely the parent didn't know there was a twin.


I don't care either way whether twins are invited or not, but I don't see this as a problem. Why can't you just say "this is a party for the kids in Mrs. Robinson's class, and you're not in that class. You will go the birthday parties for the kids in your class."

My 5 yo would understand this.