Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I went to school in the Stone Age (mid 80s), grades were sent to the parents. I don’t think people were thought of as being helicopter parents then.

Huh? We got mid quarter interims for anything lower than a "C" and very occasionally a teacher would ask us to get a test or an assignment signed by a parent if we got a particularly low grade on it. And report cards were sent home.

I don't recall my parents ever being aware of daily homework/test/quiz grades, though.

You misinterpreted my post. When it said “grades were sent to the parents”, I meant final grades.

Anonymous wrote:When I went to school in the Stone Age (mid 80s), grades were sent to the parents. I don’t think people were thought of as being helicopter parents then.

Huh? We got mid quarter interims for anything lower than a "C" and very occasionally a teacher would ask us to get a test or an assignment signed by a parent if we got a particularly low grade on it. And report cards were sent home.

I don't recall my parents ever being aware of daily homework/test/quiz grades, though.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t even check the parent portal for my hs kids. And I’m a teacher.

I have asked mine to show me their hs portal before. I tend to have a 6th sense about these sorts of things, lol. I don't check it though the parent portal, though.

I absolutely did in MS, though. They learned to be on top of things.

When I went to school in the Stone Age (mid 80s), grades were sent to the parents. I don’t think people were thought of as being helicopter parents then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another dcum thread where parents hold money over their kids' heads in order to retain control and not let go. Shocking.

What's scary is that y'all dress it up in "accountability" and "investment" and they're not adults unless they're paying the bills ( tell that to SAHPs or the disabled or students going to college in full aid. Whatever.)

Keep telling yourself that but everyone else can see that it is about eking out every last inch of control you can get.

What is wrong with having accountability? If your parents are paying the bill, you should be accountable. You will always be accountable in your life - parents, teachers, boss, spouse, etc. You think parents should just write blank check and never care.

My kid is accountable to himself and to his professors.

No! They are adults. If they want to share with you they will. Here are two exceptions...if you are paying for their education and they have proven themselves to be irresponsible. However, address it as concern rather than disapproval.

I notice that your journalism grade is much lower than your biology grade. What's going on? Maybe we can problem-solve and strategize to improve that grade. How can I support you?

Anonymous wrote:i) you have login/password to their U portal?
ii) you ask them to pull them up on the portal when they're home for a break?
iii) print out / screenshot email?
iv) you just take their word for it?
v) you don't care, don't ask, don't tell?

My oldest just went to college and not sure what is normal. Also, if you're involved with monitoring their grades, do you pay attention to assignments (e.g. practice sets) and midterms too...or just final grades that show up on the transcript?

Anonymous wrote:I can tell that most of these posters don't have students in college. Just wait.

You know how it bugs you when someone with no kids tells you how to take care of your baby? It's the same thing when all you parent of toddlers tell us how to raise our college aged children. You generally have no idea what you're talking about.

+1 All of it. Yes, we have access and we check. We've never brought up anything that we've seen with the kids (3 in college) but we do check.

The interesting thing is that they each gave us the log-in without us even mentioning it. And they will call usually to say something like 'did you see my test score in xxx? it rocks or it sucks or xxx' and we rejoice or commiserate depending on which is appropriate. But then it has always been that way in our family so why would college be any different?

I don’t even check the parent portal for my hs kids. And I’m a teacher.

I have a great relationship with my DD so she talks endlessly about what classes she wants and her ultimate path. Her scholarship and placement in their honors college requires a certain GPA so she’s self-motivated to keep on top of that. I do not have her portal access nor do I think I need it. She’s honest to a fault and driven in her goals so I have no reason to micromanage.

I don’t know what I’d do if I had a college child with different personality - though I will soon enough! I am a big believer in natural consequences so I don’t think I’ll be checking up on the next one either. They need to learn to manage themselves so I’m doing/did that groundwork when they’re in high school so they have the skills to self-manage in college.

I was never tempted. She shared good and bad with me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another dcum thread where parents hold money over their kids' heads in order to retain control and not let go. Shocking.

What's scary is that y'all dress it up in "accountability" and "investment" and they're not adults unless they're paying the bills ( tell that to SAHPs or the disabled or students going to college in full aid. Whatever.)

Keep telling yourself that but everyone else can see that it is about eking out every last inch of control you can get.

What is wrong with having accountability? If your parents are paying the bill, you should be accountable. You will always be accountable in your life - parents, teachers, boss, spouse, etc. You think parents should just write blank check and never care.

Accountability is one thing. Micromanaging is quite another. Asking for their semester grades = o.k. Checking their homework grades is too much.

Anonymous wrote:I can tell that most of these posters don't have students in college. Just wait.

You know how it bugs you when someone with no kids tells you how to take care of your baby? It's the same thing when all you parent of toddlers tell us how to raise our college aged children. You generally have no idea what you're talking about.

My kid is in college and I don't check his grades. I have no idea when his tests are or what homework is due. That's up to him to keep track of.

He would not be away at college if I felt that I needed to remote control from home.

Anonymous wrote:Another dcum thread where parents hold money over their kids' heads in order to retain control and not let go. Shocking.

What's scary is that y'all dress it up in "accountability" and "investment" and they're not adults unless they're paying the bills ( tell that to SAHPs or the disabled or students going to college in full aid. Whatever.)

Keep telling yourself that but everyone else can see that it is about eking out every last inch of control you can get.

What is wrong with having accountability? If your parents are paying the bill, you should be accountable. You will always be accountable in your life - parents, teachers, boss, spouse, etc. You think parents should just write blank check and never care.

Anonymous wrote:My BIL and SIL sort of bragged about not monitoring their kid's grades and their oldest flunked out after two years and works at some dead-end job while living in their house.

Maybe he'd have flunked out either way, but it seems like maybe they could have either got him help or maybe avoided burning that 2nd year of tuition and board?

eh, I flunked out of college, too, and had to support myself on a next to nothing wage. It wasn't easy but I did learn something from the natural consequences of my not studying/going to class and partying way too much.

If my parents had been electronically tracking my grades, assignment due dates, tests, quizzes and other homework they probably would have caught on faster that I was blowing it and I would have been out on my butt a year or so earlier than I was. Honestly, I think that I needed that extra time in the safety of a college environment because I was pretty naive.

If I had pulled that crap in Georgetown that young I would have been in way over my head.

I can tell that most of these posters don't have students in college. Just wait.

You know how it bugs you when someone with no kids tells you how to take care of your baby? It's the same thing when all you parent of toddlers tell us how to raise our college aged children. You generally have no idea what you're talking about.