Never. It's a sign of complete disrespect.

Mine curses occasionally when we argue - for example, I left a carton of milk out by accident, our cat knocked it over and drank it, and then got sick and pooped all over the place. He asked me what the f I was thinking leaving it out like that for the cat to get into.

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by curse at you? Mine only uses bad language when angry, but it's more "what the he11 were you thinking?" Not "you're a f-ing b1tch."

"You f-ing b1tch. You've ruined my life."

"Everyone thinks you're so nice. You're the most corrosive and caustic b1tch I've ever met."

And when I finally responded with, "well, then it seems like we should not be together," his jaw literally dropped. But jeez, no kids, and I am caustic and corrosive to him? Why would he want me to stay? (I was the sole breadwinner at that time.)

He cursed at me one time in 17 years of marriage, but I was being a nightmare at the time.

Never! We disagree at times but rarely argue. After many years together we really know each others likes and dislikes and hot buttons. I can't fathom my DH cursing at me or calling me names.

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by curse at you? Mine only uses bad language when angry, but it's more "what the he11 were you thinking?" Not "you're a f-ing b1tch."

Any cursing is unacceptable. It just raises the level of anger.

What do you mean by curse at you? Mine only uses bad language when angry, but it's more "what the he11 were you thinking?" Not "you're a f-ing b1tch."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:H #1: often. Hence the divorce.

H #2: never.

+1

Didn’t realize until I met my current dh that a relationship can be purely respectful and loving. I would be astonished if dh were to say even a slightly insulting word or even use a condescending tone with me. With xh that was our normal. He threw insults and yelled so often that I assumed everyone dealt with that kind of behavior at home. Not so. Leaving him was the best decision of my life.

How long did you stay?

6 years

Anonymous wrote:For instance, if you fight or have a disagreement?

Never. And any woman that puts up with behavior like this is as disgusting and the man doing the name calling

Daily?no

During a heated argument? Yes.

I don’t think it’s normal or right, but I fall into the category of it happening maybe a few times a year. I can see he is really trying to work at it but I’ve kind of become indifferent. We have 4 kids, one with SN so I am not working at the moment. I stick up for myself, hes just a hot head. It’s gotten better within the last 5 years, but I still think when I go back to work I may consider leaving.

Ppl comment like divorce is so easy. Fighting is not the only thing that can adversely affect your kids.

I am so very glad that there are many for whom the thought of this is beyond the pale. Please remember that if you are insisting people here at DCUM need to keep trying at their marriages, that this is what they may be trying to hold together. Don't assume all marriages are like yours, unfortunately.

I left after near daily abuse like this. It had become unliveable. My life had become unliveable. No kids, thankfully.

OP, if this is the first and only time this has happened and in general you feel you have a strong and happy relationship, NO, I would not rush off the a divorce lawyer. I would, however, be very clear with him that this is not okay and can't keep happening: if it recurs, it will eventually destroy the relationship permanently.

My DH struggles with serious depression and anger issues. We came very close to separating over his rages. (No physical threats but no question, it's abusive). I finally said: if this happens again, EVER, we're separating immediately. As a result he has finally, after years of resistance, gone into therapy and is on medication. It has made a world of difference.

Are we out of the woods? I honestly don't know, but I am glad he is taking responsibility for his behavior, starting to grapple with the underlying issues (horrible childhood, some PTSD from military, etc). I think the question with your DH is: what's going on?

Never. Together 20 years.

Anonymous wrote:I have told him a few times "please stop being such an asshole/dick." Not proud of it but it came on the heels of some really aggressive behaviour. Just the other day he got angry at nothing in particular and punched the sun visor in my car, breaking it.

Living with someone who has adhd and now chronic pain is exhausting and has pushed me to my limits. That being said, calling names is rare on my part, never on his. I believe it is really the quality of interaction, how you handle conflict that reveals maturity and compatibility.

DH was the most chivalrous man I ever dated. Seeing someone under a lot of stress reveals a lot. I would recommend to anyone that they don't get married until they have witnessed their partner under stress or been through conflict with them...

It’s been proven that newly dating couples who experience a stressful or adrenaline pumping event tend to fall in love quickly. People bond over the trauma or thrill. Doesn’t mean they will stay bonded. It’s really the daily grind that chips away at love. By the time the big stressor or conflict comes around, you’re already over them romantically. My XH and have figured out how to get through DD’s health crises only because we don’t have to go home to each other.

I have told him a few times "please stop being such an asshole/dick." Not proud of it but it came on the heels of some really aggressive behaviour. Just the other day he got angry at nothing in particular and punched the sun visor in my car, breaking it.

Living with someone who has adhd and now chronic pain is exhausting and has pushed me to my limits. That being said, calling names is rare on my part, never on his. I believe it is really the quality of interaction, how you handle conflict that reveals maturity and compatibility.

DH was the most chivalrous man I ever dated. Seeing someone under a lot of stress reveals a lot. I would recommend to anyone that they don't get married until they have witnessed their partner under stress or been through conflict with them...