Anonymous wrote:If I know they are struggling financially and spend big $$ on a ring I judge.

Same, and this is usually a red flag that these people are going to have money problems forever.

Of course not. Judging another woman based on her ring (or lack of a ring), or her clothes or anything else seems so petty and immature to me. I don't understand why anyone else would care about another woman's ring, let alone try to draw conclusions about the kind of person she may or may not be based upon her ring. It's so silly.

I like jewelry, and I especially appreciate thoughtful design and creative pieces. I've seen beautifully designed intricate gold bands with no gemstones at all and amazing 3 carat Old Mine Cut diamonds. I have a round brilliant diamond on a pave band. It's a size that others on this thread consider tacky, but we are no worse off for spending the money on it and I certainly don't judge what others choose to spend or wear. It seems shallow for you to make a value judgement on me based on the size of my engagement ring and nothing else.

I don't judge small rings. I have a 0.5 carat that was my mom's ring (parents having their 50th anniversary this summer - she didn't like wearing it). I've been with DH for a happy 20 years. We didn't have any money at the time, but now have a lot. I'm a partner in big law. DH makes more than me. DH thinks it's awesome that his biglaw partner wife is so not materialistic.

I do judge big rings. I assume one or both of the persons in the couple is compensating for something or is otherwise very concerned with outward appearances.

I rarely notice, unless it's one of those giant honkers, and then I mostly just think "tacky." Or I notice if it's really pretty or unusual--something that looks like an heirloom, or that uses alternative gemstones (which I think looks prettier), or otherwise has an unusual or cool design. And then I think, "Wow, that's nice." But your basic diamond solitaire doesn't really register, so I don't think anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My diamond is flat, and tiny, on a plain gold band.

We were both graduate students. My husband bought what he could afford at the time. We couldn't afford a wedding, so we went to the courthouse.

We've been married for 25 years, and will retire as millionaires.

And I'll still wear my flat, tiny, plain gold band just to earn the disrespect of shallow people like OP who judge people's worth and experience based on a piece of metal.

Ha, yep. Opted out of engagement ring for SO many reasons. And coincidentally, the 4 coolest women I know also don't have a diamond engagement ring. They really are the most amazing, confident, creative, capable women I know. And they all thoughtfully chose not to get an engagement ring.

+1 Wish I could meet all you diamondless ladies. I took a stand years ago and now run in status circles when enormous is the norm. Standing my ground though and sometimes, gasp!, I don't wear as this at all.

A plain gold band is prettier to me than a tiny diamond or a diamond cluster pretending to be bigger. Go big or go home I guess. Tiny diamonds just aren't pretty. I do find gold bands pretty though.

I haven't read most of this thread but I wonder what most of you do, if you work at all? And can you explain how so much of your values/self-worth got tied up in your engagement ring? I really haven't encountered many people like this IRL.

In my field, academia, there are really very few ostentatious displays of wealth. I've actually never even thought to look at someone's ring finger. My ring is 1-ct and pretty nice quality (husband sort of insisted--he is in medicine, a flashier field) and it's borderline extravagant, relative to others in my field.

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, typos. I don't wear a ring at all!

I just wear my wedding ring (simple, skinny gold band).

My job involves bodily fluids and frequent gloving/handwashing. I also live/work in an area where street crime is an issue. I don't want some punk making off with DH's grandmother's Bombay sapphire, so it stays in my jewelry box at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just hate blood diamonds and I think less of someone wearing them.

How the hell do you know if it's a blood diamond??

Hate to break it to you, but most of them are.

+1 I can guess a woman's politics (and her spouse's politics) by her ring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just hate blood diamonds and I think less of someone wearing them.

How the hell do you know if it's a blood diamond??

Hate to break it to you, but most of them are.

No, I do not. Having a smaller one does not mean a guy is cheap/doesn't love her etc. I don't think anything of someone's ring. I do think you're shallow, and materialistic, and most likely in an unhappy marriage/single, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we safely say that a good quality 1 carat solitaire is the safest bet judgement wise? It's not tiny but isn't flashy either. Pretty classic if you ask me.

LOL, no. The best judgment to me is no diamond ring at all. Shows you weren't bought by your man, aren't materialistic or status obsessed, and probably kept that money for a nicer home or vacation that enriched you as a person.

Sorry but the fact that you think a nicer home or a vacation aren’t indicators of materialism or status obsession is funny. Is a home more practical than a diamond? Obviously. But don’t think that a nice home can’t also be keeping up with the Jones.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we safely say that a good quality 1 carat solitaire is the safest bet judgement wise? It's not tiny but isn't flashy either. Pretty classic if you ask me.

Yawn

+ I guess "safe." Also boring AF. lol

Anonymous wrote:I just notice if they are pretty or not. It’s just a stupid sparkly thing.

I love stupid sparkly things but the are indicative of less than nothing about anything. Also, some of those husbands you’re judging are probably wives.

Same here.

Yikes, typos. I don't wear a ring at all!