Anonymous
06/19/2018 22:05
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Total crap that someone taking care of 3 very young kids still somehow needs to do everything around the house.
How?
It's not possible. Her job is taking care of the kids. She can cook for them and do some grocery runs. But everything else she has to do when they are sleeping and that is basically the same time her DH has to do the work. Which he should. I work PT and being home is harder getting stuff done than at work. At work, I can piss in peace. At work, I can make doctor's appointments and take care of admin stuff for our house. At home, I can't do jack until 8 at night.
OP, you need to have a come to jesus with him. Or tell him to hire you cleaners and a mother's helper. It's ridiculous. But yeah, don't divorce with young kids bc then it's way harder.
Sounds like you and OP aren't suited to life as SAHM - FT or PT. If you can't figure out how to do stuff while you've got kids at home, outsource it and go back to work. Not that hard and not DH's fault.
You’re an idiot, too. I can do SOME housework when the kids are around and I do, but I only have one in full time school and the other ones are preschool and toddler aged so my day is a lot of crisis management and putting out fires. I am doing a lot of house work after bedtime.
Yeaaaaaahhhhh, you're not suited to the SAH life.
Unfortunately I don’t think OP would be suited to a paid job either. If it was infant triplets, maybe her story would hold water. But with a kid in school full time and another in preschool so she’s got one toddler and her day is crisis management? Maybe the government would hire her but no way she keeps a private sector job with such poor skills.
Anonymous
06/19/2018 21:52
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Total crap that someone taking care of 3 very young kids still somehow needs to do everything around the house.
How?
It's not possible. Her job is taking care of the kids. She can cook for them and do some grocery runs. But everything else she has to do when they are sleeping and that is basically the same time her DH has to do the work. Which he should. I work PT and being home is harder getting stuff done than at work. At work, I can piss in peace. At work, I can make doctor's appointments and take care of admin stuff for our house. At home, I can't do jack until 8 at night.
OP, you need to have a come to jesus with him. Or tell him to hire you cleaners and a mother's helper. It's ridiculous. But yeah, don't divorce with young kids bc then it's way harder.
Sounds like you and OP aren't suited to life as SAHM - FT or PT. If you can't figure out how to do stuff while you've got kids at home, outsource it and go back to work. Not that hard and not DH's fault.
You’re an idiot, too. I can do SOME housework when the kids are around and I do, but I only have one in full time school and the other ones are preschool and toddler aged so my day is a lot of crisis management and putting out fires. I am doing a lot of house work after bedtime.
Yeaaaaaahhhhh, you're not suited to the SAH life.
Anonymous
06/19/2018 20:09
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I consider flirty texting with other men cheating. Yea, it’s not classic cheating / divorce worthy cheating (but for some, maybe) but it’s shady AF.
So you’re the sh*tty one, OP.
Sorry you’re not hot enough for men to be noticing you and snap chatting you on the side. It fell in my lap, really. If DH was helping more or if our relationship was better it would be easy to resist but I’m angry, lonely and hurt.
You are repulsive OP. I hope your DH leaves you penniless and marries someone more appreciative.
Anonymous
06/19/2018 19:42
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I consider flirty texting with other men cheating. Yea, it’s not classic cheating / divorce worthy cheating (but for some, maybe) but it’s shady AF.
So you’re the sh*tty one, OP.
Sorry you’re not hot enough for men to be noticing you and snap chatting you on the side. It fell in my lap, really. If DH was helping more or if our relationship was better it would be easy to resist but I’m angry, lonely and hurt.
You can also add that you have low self esteem and bad moral fiber to your list of failings.
Anonymous
06/19/2018 18:49
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I consider flirty texting with other men cheating. Yea, it’s not classic cheating / divorce worthy cheating (but for some, maybe) but it’s shady AF.
So you’re the sh*tty one, OP.
Sorry you’re not hot enough for men to be noticing you and snap chatting you on the side. It fell in my lap, really. If DH was helping more or if our relationship was better it would be easy to resist but I’m angry, lonely and hurt.
Being angry, lonely, or hurt is not a reason to cheat unless you're okay with the marriage ending. Really think about what you're doing, OP.
Anonymous
06/19/2018 18:36
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I consider flirty texting with other men cheating. Yea, it’s not classic cheating / divorce worthy cheating (but for some, maybe) but it’s shady AF.
So you’re the sh*tty one, OP.
Sorry you’re not hot enough for men to be noticing you and snap chatting you on the side. It fell in my lap, really. If DH was helping more or if our relationship was better it would be easy to resist but I’m angry, lonely and hurt.
Anonymous
06/19/2018 18:34
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Total crap that someone taking care of 3 very young kids still somehow needs to do everything around the house.
How?
It's not possible. Her job is taking care of the kids. She can cook for them and do some grocery runs. But everything else she has to do when they are sleeping and that is basically the same time her DH has to do the work. Which he should. I work PT and being home is harder getting stuff done than at work. At work, I can piss in peace. At work, I can make doctor's appointments and take care of admin stuff for our house. At home, I can't do jack until 8 at night.
OP, you need to have a come to jesus with him. Or tell him to hire you cleaners and a mother's helper. It's ridiculous. But yeah, don't divorce with young kids bc then it's way harder.
Sounds like you and OP aren't suited to life as SAHM - FT or PT. If you can't figure out how to do stuff while you've got kids at home, outsource it and go back to work. Not that hard and not DH's fault.
You’re an idiot, too. I can do SOME housework when the kids are around and I do, but I only have one in full time school and the other ones are preschool and toddler aged so my day is a lot of crisis management and putting out fires. I am doing a lot of house work after bedtime.
Anonymous
06/19/2018 18:32
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:DCUM, really, the title "Divorce over lack of chores?", that might be the title of the year. This is insane. It is insane that the DH is so lazy, and yet the OP is insane, for a) NOT communicating her desire for DH to act like an adult and to out, and, b) her sneaky little chats w other guys.
Many have suggested many great ideas and soluitions, but, put this in your pipe and smoke it: they might be perfect for each other. Think of the ramifications if either or both of them entered the dating pool....
You’re an idiot. I have communicated it to him. What do you do when nothing changes?
Anonymous
06/19/2018 18:19
Subject: Re:Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You flirting with other men is completely on you. It is indefensible and has nothing to do with your DH. I suspect you are using your dissatisfaction with your DH to justify your actions. Yet, if you've outsourced as much as you say you have, how much could there possibly be for you to do?
I had 3 kids in 3 years, DH and both WOH full time and could afford to outsource NOTHING. Two of my kids also have SNs and we had therapy/specialist appointment on top of everything else. My DH also has ADHD and, literally, doesn't see things that need doing or forgets/gets distracted. So, rather than whine about how much he's disrespecting me and texting inappropriately with other men, we worked on what changes we could make to make sure my needs were met and he wasn't set up for failure. A simple list is all it took. I make him a list of what needs to be done (because he doesn't prioritize the way I do) and he does it. What I don't expect is for him to have to do everything. I would much rather SAH than have to WOH FT.
NP. At the direction.of our marriage counselor, I made my ADHD DH a list of small, concrete things he could do to show love, since he is an inattentive workaholic.
He was.supposd to pick one thing a day to do. Instead, he lost the list.
You are lucky to have a DH who is willing to work with you on the ADHD thing, PP.
I almost laughed coffee thru my nose on this comment!
First PP here. I don't really consider myself "lucky" (that would be if DH didn't have ADHD/depression). But! The only way our marriage works is because DH recognizes the challenges ADHD/depression causes. These issues were not present until after we had kids - that's when the coping mechanisms that were successful for DH previously no longer worked. DH used to lose lists as well. Then, I started texting him the lists. If he loses his phone, I use "Google My Phone" and locate it. If the phone battery dies, he's got a power pack. Having a DH with ADHD is far more like having an extra child than what OP has described.
Anonymous
06/19/2018 18:14
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:Total crap that someone taking care of 3 very young kids still somehow needs to do everything around the house.
How?
It's not possible. Her job is taking care of the kids. She can cook for them and do some grocery runs. But everything else she has to do when they are sleeping and that is basically the same time her DH has to do the work. Which he should. I work PT and being home is harder getting stuff done than at work. At work, I can piss in peace. At work, I can make doctor's appointments and take care of admin stuff for our house. At home, I can't do jack until 8 at night.
OP, you need to have a come to jesus with him. Or tell him to hire you cleaners and a mother's helper. It's ridiculous. But yeah, don't divorce with young kids bc then it's way harder.
Sounds like you and OP aren't suited to life as SAHM - FT or PT. If you can't figure out how to do stuff while you've got kids at home, outsource it and go back to work. Not that hard and not DH's fault.
Anonymous
06/19/2018 17:10
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:DCUM, really, the title "Divorce over lack of chores?", that might be the title of the year. This is insane. It is insane that the DH is so lazy, and yet the OP is insane, for a) NOT communicating her desire for DH to act like an adult and to out, and, b) her sneaky little chats w other guys.
Many have suggested many great ideas and soluitions, but, put this in your pipe and smoke it: they might be perfect for each other. Think of the ramifications if either or both of them entered the dating pool....
Ha!
Anonymous
06/19/2018 15:54
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
Sorry, but I consider flirty texting with other men cheating. Yea, it’s not classic cheating / divorce worthy cheating (but for some, maybe) but it’s shady AF.
So you’re the sh*tty one, OP.
So you’re the sh*tty one, OP.
Anonymous
06/19/2018 15:42
Subject: Divorce over lack of chores?
DCUM, really, the title "Divorce over lack of chores?", that might be the title of the year. This is insane. It is insane that the DH is so lazy, and yet the OP is insane, for a) NOT communicating her desire for DH to act like an adult and to out, and, b) her sneaky little chats w other guys.
Many have suggested many great ideas and soluitions, but, put this in your pipe and smoke it: they might be perfect for each other. Think of the ramifications if either or both of them entered the dating pool....
Many have suggested many great ideas and soluitions, but, put this in your pipe and smoke it: they might be perfect for each other. Think of the ramifications if either or both of them entered the dating pool....
Bella_lee
06/19/2018 15:24
Subject: Re:Divorce over lack of chores?
Hi @OP I can empathize with you in your need to have some help from your husband when you are overwhelmed with house chores and looking after your three little ones. However may I suggest that you take some time to think deeply about your consideration of a divorce as an answer to this situation. I think an important question to consider is do you still love your husband? Marriages can go through a stressful phase especially when the children are little and they need a lot of attention but this phase doesn't last forever and children grow up and become more independent. Sometimes there is a need to find an outlet to de-stress and let your hair down but choosing an option that could have an adverse effect on your marriage is not ideal. I would also suggest your consider IC for yourself and MC for both of you to help you both process what is going on in your relationship and find a positive way forward for your family.
Anonymous
06/19/2018 15:14
Subject: Re:Divorce over lack of chores?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You flirting with other men is completely on you. It is indefensible and has nothing to do with your DH. I suspect you are using your dissatisfaction with your DH to justify your actions. Yet, if you've outsourced as much as you say you have, how much could there possibly be for you to do?
I had 3 kids in 3 years, DH and both WOH full time and could afford to outsource NOTHING. Two of my kids also have SNs and we had therapy/specialist appointment on top of everything else. My DH also has ADHD and, literally, doesn't see things that need doing or forgets/gets distracted. So, rather than whine about how much he's disrespecting me and texting inappropriately with other men, we worked on what changes we could make to make sure my needs were met and he wasn't set up for failure. A simple list is all it took. I make him a list of what needs to be done (because he doesn't prioritize the way I do) and he does it. What I don't expect is for him to have to do everything. I would much rather SAH than have to WOH FT.
NP. At the direction.of our marriage counselor, I made my ADHD DH a list of small, concrete things he could do to show love, since he is an inattentive workaholic.
He was.supposd to pick one thing a day to do. Instead, he lost the list.
You are lucky to have a DH who is willing to work with you on the ADHD thing, PP.
I almost laughed coffee thru my nose on this comment!