Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You can have it all, but you are going to be REALLY tired and stressed". - Reality talking

Most women have it wrong, either marry a Mr Mom type or you don't wear all hats at the same time.

Don't wear the hats consecutively, do it like this:

20's - Single playtime, time for going all in on college and career, invest $

30's - Have your babies, take a break to raise them into late ES

40's - Go back to work part-time or full-time if it's flexible, your kids are more independent and don't need daycare

50's - Kids are grown, do whatever work you enjoy

60's - Work, play and enjoy the grandkids

This assumes you are not a significant contributor to HHI.

It also assumes you have control over how old you eventually are when you meet your husband, nor whether you have infertility issues or other problems that can suck years away. My life will look something like this

20's - Single playtime, time for going all in on college and career, "investing"

Early 30's through late 30s - Search desperately for Mr Right because for whatever reason it did not happen in my 20s.

Late 30s/early 40s - 4 years of IVF, blowing through savings.

early- mid 40s - Have babies, take a break to raise them during preschool years

50's - Go back to work full-time because you are thinking about simultaneous college and retirement

60's - Keep working

70s Probably keep working, even though you are exhausted, realize you will never meet the grandkids.



So yes PP gave the ideal plan but LIFE DOES NOT ALWAYS PLAY OUT IN SUCH A NEAT PLAN.

Hey here's some news: it does not work for moms without jobs either.Women's lives are complicated and it is hard to achieve balance whether you have a job or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel as balanced as I can. I'm a nanny/household manager working 35 hours/week and bring DD with me.

DH works 7-4 so he leaves before DD and I wake up.

We wake at 6:30, eat breakfast, play together and walk the dog til 8:30.
She naps, I shower, prep dinner, laundry.
We leave the house at 11am and pick my nannykids up from school
Go to my work home and do lunches, naps, an afternoon outing, and dinner for my nanny kids.
DH picks DD up feom my work on his way home around 4:30 and he does playtime, dinner, bath, and bed with her.
I work til 6, home at 6:30pm to say goodnight and finish making dinner.
DH and I eat at 7 when DD goes down and we catch up on chores and enjoy evenings together

That’s a pretty good setup. How old is your DD?

She's 6 months. My nannykids are twin 3 year olds and prior to DD, I was with them 50 hours a week from the time they were 2 weeks old. Hoping my employer will get pregnant again and add to our little combined family (and good job security for me ?)

Anonymous wrote:I feel unbalanced. I am with toddler (4) and baby (8 months) from 6:30 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. and from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. I spend all weekend with them unless I work for a couple hours on a weekend day or DH and I get a sitter to go out for dinner. I log back on and work most nights after the kids go to bed. I think that's why I feel unbalanced - its not just about balancing between work and kids, you need time for yourself as well. I am a lawyer.

Who calls a 4 year old a toddler??

Anonymous wrote:"You can have it all, but you are going to be REALLY tired and stressed". - Reality talking

Most women have it wrong, either marry a Mr Mom type or you don't wear all hats at the same time.

Don't wear the hats consecutively, do it like this:

20's - Single playtime, time for going all in on college and career, invest $

30's - Have your babies, take a break to raise them into late ES

40's - Go back to work part-time or full-time if it's flexible, your kids are more independent and don't need daycare

50's - Kids are grown, do whatever work you enjoy

60's - Work, play and enjoy the grandkids

This assumes you are not a significant contributor to HHI.

I actually feel like I have good work/life balance. I am a single mom by choice to a one year old. I’m 40. I worked hard (long hours) at several different legal jobs prior to my daughter’s birth, but I work 35 hours per week now. I’m tired all the time, but I’m ridiculously happy, and so far I feel like the balance is working out well. I don’t take work emails or calls when I’m with DD unless it’s an absolute emergency— I’ve set a hard limit. I take a pay cut for that, but we’re doing fine on 80% of a government salary. We live in a one bedroom apartment.

I will admit that I feel like a much better mom than lawyer these days (I’m having trouble being a great litigator on 35 hours per week), but I think balance means being “good enough” everywhere, not perfect.

Anonymous wrote:I feel as balanced as I can. I'm a nanny/household manager working 35 hours/week and bring DD with me.

DH works 7-4 so he leaves before DD and I wake up.

We wake at 6:30, eat breakfast, play together and walk the dog til 8:30.
She naps, I shower, prep dinner, laundry.
We leave the house at 11am and pick my nannykids up from school
Go to my work home and do lunches, naps, an afternoon outing, and dinner for my nanny kids.
DH picks DD up feom my work on his way home around 4:30 and he does playtime, dinner, bath, and bed with her.
I work til 6, home at 6:30pm to say goodnight and finish making dinner.
DH and I eat at 7 when DD goes down and we catch up on chores and enjoy evenings together

That’s a pretty good setup. How old is your DD?

I may not have the world’s definition of “it all,” but I have it all by my definition. I feel balanced, happy and grateful.

-WOHM

Anonymous wrote:The unstated assumption is that women are responsible for the balance. Not employers, who are demanding our unpaid time outside of work hours. You can't push back against that alone; each of us individually are in a position where the employer has more power than we do. If we want to fix this, we need to stand together.

Yes!!

I agree that there is no "having it all" without already having it all, e.g., lots of family money and/or resources/connections. It would do all of us well to face and accept this fact and then move forward with what we'd rather have/what we truly value in life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You can have it all, but you are going to be REALLY tired and stressed". - Reality talking

Most women have it wrong, either marry a Mr Mom type or you don't wear all hats at the same time.

Don't wear the hats consecutively, do it like this:

20's - Single playtime, time for going all in on college and career, invest $

30's - Have your babies, take a break to raise them into late ES

40's - Go back to work part-time or full-time if it's flexible, your kids are more independent and don't need daycare

50's - Kids are grown, do whatever work you enjoy

60's - Work, play and enjoy the grandkids

Bad plan. What if something happens do your spouse/partner? Then you've been out of the work force, come back with way less earning potential and you're totally screwed. No thank you.

Nobody ever looked back on their life & said "gee, I should have worked more" but I know plenty of mom's who missed out on those younger years & regretted it.

You don't know any artists or writers, do you? I have known several and at the end of their lives, they all wished they had written or created more.

NP. Grass is always greener.

I feel as balanced as I can. I'm a nanny/household manager working 35 hours/week and bring DD with me.

DH works 7-4 so he leaves before DD and I wake up.

We wake at 6:30, eat breakfast, play together and walk the dog til 8:30.
She naps, I shower, prep dinner, laundry.
We leave the house at 11am and pick my nannykids up from school
Go to my work home and do lunches, naps, an afternoon outing, and dinner for my nanny kids.
DH picks DD up feom my work on his way home around 4:30 and he does playtime, dinner, bath, and bed with her.
I work til 6, home at 6:30pm to say goodnight and finish making dinner.
DH and I eat at 7 when DD goes down and we catch up on chores and enjoy evenings together

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I come close. I am fortunate to have a fantastic nanny who also acts as House Manager; I own my own company; and I have parents who beg to have DD sleep over on Saturday night giving DH and I a date night every week. I outsource everything to have three day weekends devoted only to DD and DH.

I am confused, how to do have date nights every Sat with DD sleeping away but simultaneously devote three days a weekend to her and DH?

That poster made is clear in a subsequent post - she spends all day Friday and Friday night with DD, all Day Saturday and all day Sunday and Sunday night with DD.

Sounds pretty sweet to me. She doesn't have to cook, clean or do laundry - everything is outsourced.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the sentiment of the article. The times I find I am most stressed are when work calls while I’m at home or my nanny or kids school calls while I’m at work.

+1. Work calls when I am with DD are horrible. Our nanny never calls me - she handles everything. But when I have to take a work call and DD wants to play - it is so fricking stressful. I let both DD and the work caller down and feel like crap.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You can have it all, but you are going to be REALLY tired and stressed". - Reality talking

Most women have it wrong, either marry a Mr Mom type or you don't wear all hats at the same time.

Don't wear the hats consecutively, do it like this:

20's - Single playtime, time for going all in on college and career, invest $

30's - Have your babies, take a break to raise them into late ES

40's - Go back to work part-time or full-time if it's flexible, your kids are more independent and don't need daycare

50's - Kids are grown, do whatever work you enjoy

60's - Work, play and enjoy the grandkids

Bad plan. What if something happens do your spouse/partner? Then you've been out of the work force, come back with way less earning potential and you're totally screwed. No thank you.

Nobody ever looked back on their life & said "gee, I should have worked more" but I know plenty of mom's who missed out on those younger years & regretted it.

You don't know any artists or writers, do you? I have known several and at the end of their lives, they all wished they had written or created more.