Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 10:29     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
We are mid 30s. We are doing "no kids" at our wedding this August because (1.) so many of our friends have kids that it could easily double our guest list and turn the event into a play date, (2.) we are paying for our wedding ourselves and don't have family help, and (3.) we want a more adult affair and the venue isn't really that kid friendly.

We will have our nieces at the wedding and they will be the only children in attendance as flower girls. I totally understand if our friends can't make it and send their regrets. We also don't expect gifts from them.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 10:26     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the big deal about having a sitter watch children in a hotel? Is the hotel on the Gaza Strip? Why is that being seen as more dangerous than babysitting for children in a house? This constant proclamation of the horror of getting a sitter in a HOTEL of all places is baffling.


It’s not that it’s dangerous, but it means leaving your kids with a babysitter you don’t know. At home, we use the same handful of sitters who we know and are comfortable with - and have references for them, other people we know who’ve used them and liked them, etc.

I can understand that. I don't know if it was you, but some poster seemed horrified by even using someone she was acquainted with in a hotel, the hotel seemed to be the issue and it's unclear why.


Madeline McCain


She wasn’t left with a sitter, and therefore your point is moot.


She and her twin siblings were left without a sitter, with the door AJAR. I do not understand the logic that went through her parent's heads. So awful.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 10:26     Subject: Re:No children allowed at family members wedding.
Had the same situation a few years ago, except the couple do not have kids. We understand that they want the ceremony to be solemn, and also had a hard time to pick who to invite. We initially said yes, but when we found out that kids are not allowed we responded no, and sent a gift. It was an out of state wedding so there is no way for us to go there without tagging the kids along, it's also an expensive airfare for all of us, when possibly only one can attend because the other will have to tend to the kids. Cousin's parents are probably upset, but I think they just need to understand that it's not going to work with that kind of set up. Never got a thank you note.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 10:25     Subject: Re:No children allowed at family members wedding.
Where there is a wedding, there will be much bellyaching among family & friends. There is no way to make everyone happy. Ideally the guests would not complain on what the hosts decide to offer, and the hosts would not complain if the guests opt not come.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 10:19     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This happened in my huge Catholic family and raised hell.

My cousin was in his mid-20s and fiancé was in her early 30s and was financially established. She wanted this massive wedding that was over the top by Catholic standards. Massive guest list, $15,000 dress, huge expensive venue etc... Our family found out kids were not invited and were not happy. My poor cousin got the brunt of it, and half of our family members didn’t attend. I was childless and went and remember them turning away a cousin who had bought her newborn.

It caused a massive rift in our family for years and years. They ended up having four kids. My niece got married in 2016 and sent them an invitation that said no kids. They RSVP and showed up and of course everyone else bought their kids.

This was under the influence of my aunt who was the queen of petty and never let it go.

I hope you don't think your aunt did a good thing. Your cousin had every right to have the type of wedding he wanted, and clearly could follow instructions (leaving kids home) in the future. Your aunt sounds petty and small, and that's not a compliment.


Of course I don’t agree with what she did.

I just get why OP is so worked up, she may be use to a similar culture.


A culture of manipulating family members to do exactly what you want them to do, and punishing them for years if they don’t comply?


Close. Mexican Catholics.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 10:05     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
Anonymous wrote:I feel like the people saying “just hire a sitter “ have little ones, and relatives who get married in a quickie ceremony at the hotel, right before the reception.

I’ve had multiple cousins marry with 2 pm full Catholic masses, a 2-3 hour gap (there were family gatherings in between), then a 5-6 hour reception.

When my kids were 6 and 8 or 8 and 10, I couldn’t leave them in a single hotel room with a random lady from 1pm (travel time to ceremony) until 11 pm. Pizza and movies would do it. Btw, these weddings were all a plane flight away.

I’m not saying kids need to be invited, but I’d like a LOT of understanding from the couple when I attend alone (and my brother skipped it).


Ah no. Ive never been to a quickie wedding like you describe Didn't even know such a thing existed. WTH??? We didn't take our kids to out of town weddings when they were that little. We left them at home with a weekend babysitter - sometimes a family member, sometimes a hired sitter. Why in the hell would you fly your kids to an out of town wedding they aren't even invited to just to leave them in a hotel room. Leave them at home.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 10:05     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This happened in my huge Catholic family and raised hell.

My cousin was in his mid-20s and fiancé was in her early 30s and was financially established. She wanted this massive wedding that was over the top by Catholic standards. Massive guest list, $15,000 dress, huge expensive venue etc... Our family found out kids were not invited and were not happy. My poor cousin got the brunt of it, and half of our family members didn’t attend. I was childless and went and remember them turning away a cousin who had bought her newborn.

It caused a massive rift in our family for years and years. They ended up having four kids. My niece got married in 2016 and sent them an invitation that said no kids. They RSVP and showed up and of course everyone else bought their kids.

This was under the influence of my aunt who was the queen of petty and never let it go.

I hope you don't think your aunt did a good thing. Your cousin had every right to have the type of wedding he wanted, and clearly could follow instructions (leaving kids home) in the future. Your aunt sounds petty and small, and that's not a compliment.


Of course I don’t agree with what she did.

I just get why OP is so worked up, she may be use to a similar culture.


A culture of manipulating family members to do exactly what you want them to do, and punishing them for years if they don’t comply?
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 10:00     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
Anonymous wrote:This happened in my huge Catholic family and raised hell.

My cousin was in his mid-20s and fiancé was in her early 30s and was financially established. She wanted this massive wedding that was over the top by Catholic standards. Massive guest list, $15,000 dress, huge expensive venue etc... Our family found out kids were not invited and were not happy. My poor cousin got the brunt of it, and half of our family members didn’t attend. I was childless and went and remember them turning away a cousin who had bought her newborn.

It caused a massive rift in our family for years and years. They ended up having four kids. My niece got married in 2016 and sent them an invitation that said no kids. They RSVP and showed up and of course everyone else bought their kids.

This was under the influence of my aunt who was the queen of petty and never let it go.


Wow, that’s low. I hope she’s proud of herself. What an ugly person.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 09:59     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This happened in my huge Catholic family and raised hell.

My cousin was in his mid-20s and fiancé was in her early 30s and was financially established. She wanted this massive wedding that was over the top by Catholic standards. Massive guest list, $15,000 dress, huge expensive venue etc... Our family found out kids were not invited and were not happy. My poor cousin got the brunt of it, and half of our family members didn’t attend. I was childless and went and remember them turning away a cousin who had bought her newborn.

It caused a massive rift in our family for years and years. They ended up having four kids. My niece got married in 2016 and sent them an invitation that said no kids. They RSVP and showed up and of course everyone else bought their kids.

This was under the influence of my aunt who was the queen of petty and never let it go.

I hope you don't think your aunt did a good thing. Your cousin had every right to have the type of wedding he wanted, and clearly could follow instructions (leaving kids home) in the future. Your aunt sounds petty and small, and that's not a compliment.


Of course I don’t agree with what she did.

I just get why OP is so worked up, she may be use to a similar culture.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 09:54     Subject: Re:No children allowed at family members wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If that many of the guests attending have kids then that it stupid to not allow children or at least hire a babysitter.

Is the event at a hotel? If so I’d see if you can rent a room and hire babysitters during the event. I know my wedding planner offered this as an option.

But I probably wouldn’t spend thousands of dollars on a trip that not all of my family members can attend.


This. We hired a room and sitter, who came with games, kids had pizza, etc.


How does this work though. I'm interested, but it seems like something more for 8 year olds than 2 year olds (and getting a sitter for 2 year olds is more of a problem). Can most kids stay awake until midnight when the wedding ends?


PP here. Only 2-3 kids were under the sitter's charge at our wedding--can't remember the ages. However, most people didn't have young kids at our wedding--a couple women were pregnant with their first, and a lot of guests were our parents' friends/older family members with no young kids. Our wedding festivities actually ended around 10-10:30, from what I remember (not a huge wedding, maybe 85-90 guests).

If we were taking our now 6yo to an no-kids wedding, I think I'd leave her with the babysitter until 9ish, and then call it an early night.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 09:52     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the big deal about having a sitter watch children in a hotel? Is the hotel on the Gaza Strip? Why is that being seen as more dangerous than babysitting for children in a house? This constant proclamation of the horror of getting a sitter in a HOTEL of all places is baffling.


It’s not that it’s dangerous, but it means leaving your kids with a babysitter you don’t know. At home, we use the same handful of sitters who we know and are comfortable with - and have references for them, other people we know who’ve used them and liked them, etc.

I can understand that. I don't know if it was you, but some poster seemed horrified by even using someone she was acquainted with in a hotel, the hotel seemed to be the issue and it's unclear why.


Madeline McCain


She wasn’t left with a sitter, and therefore your point is moot.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 09:52     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
Seeing the way most kids behave these days, I wouldn’t want them at my wedding either. I see lots of adults only weddings nowadays and am more than fine with it.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 09:51     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the big deal about having a sitter watch children in a hotel? Is the hotel on the Gaza Strip? Why is that being seen as more dangerous than babysitting for children in a house? This constant proclamation of the horror of getting a sitter in a HOTEL of all places is baffling.


It’s not that it’s dangerous, but it means leaving your kids with a babysitter you don’t know. At home, we use the same handful of sitters who we know and are comfortable with - and have references for them, other people we know who’ve used them and liked them, etc.

I can understand that. I don't know if it was you, but some poster seemed horrified by even using someone she was acquainted with in a hotel, the hotel seemed to be the issue and it's unclear why.


Madeline McCain

There was no adult in the room with the children when she was abducted; that is a completely different scenario than having an adult present.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 09:50     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
OP, for clarification: an invitation is not a summons. If their request doesn’t work for you, you simply don’t attend. There is no reason to be irritated.
Anonymous
Post 04/30/2018 09:50     Subject: No children allowed at family members wedding.
Anonymous wrote:This happened in my huge Catholic family and raised hell.

My cousin was in his mid-20s and fiancé was in her early 30s and was financially established. She wanted this massive wedding that was over the top by Catholic standards. Massive guest list, $15,000 dress, huge expensive venue etc... Our family found out kids were not invited and were not happy. My poor cousin got the brunt of it, and half of our family members didn’t attend. I was childless and went and remember them turning away a cousin who had bought her newborn.

It caused a massive rift in our family for years and years. They ended up having four kids. My niece got married in 2016 and sent them an invitation that said no kids. They RSVP and showed up and of course everyone else bought their kids.

This was under the influence of my aunt who was the queen of petty and never let it go.

I hope you don't think your aunt did a good thing. Your cousin had every right to have the type of wedding he wanted, and clearly could follow instructions (leaving kids home) in the future. Your aunt sounds petty and small, and that's not a compliment.