Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it just his parents? Who else is invited?

OP here. I should have mentioned—BIL and his wife and two kids are coming and staying overnight. DH’s single cousin is coming, he can bring friends if he wants. DH aunt and uncle also coming. DH’s parents could also stay overnight with us if they choose to. We also have 2 kids.

Great. Sounds like a lovely Thanksgiving with a full house.

1. MIL & FIL>2.5 to 3 hours away
2, their peer group friends>same area as MIL 2.5 to 3 hours away
3. BIL-wife-2 kids>staying overnight so they are not local. Same general area as MIL?
4. DH uncle and aunt>same general area as MIL?
5. DH single cousin plus friends>lives where? Near MIL? Local for OP?

If OP's family is the only unit that lives near OP the real question is do most of these people go to MIL's? If they're scattered it might actually be more convenient and shorter travel for most to go to OP's instead of MIL's. Who's house is the least travel for this group?

OP here.

1) MIL (no FIL) 2.5-3 hours away, but it's only her; so if you factor in that my family of four wouldn't have to travel, point goes to us

2) MIL's friends, about 2.5-3 hours away; they are fit and well-traveled and easygoing, so point goes to her

3) BIL/wife/2 kids about 45 minutes closer to us, and we have better overnight set-up for them; point goes to us

4) DH aunt and uncle--almost equidistant, but just for devil's advocate's sake, point goes to her

5) DH's cousin only 20 mintues from us, and whomever he brings likely much closer to us as well; point goes to us

So if you break it down that way, it makes sense for us to host, logistically.

WAIT. Am I having serious deja vu or did someone just change all the dates on a thread from years ago? Seriously, I have read this thread before and it wasn't today. The first two posts are identical as are some of the others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it just his parents? Who else is invited?

OP here. I should have mentioned—BIL and his wife and two kids are coming and staying overnight. DH’s single cousin is coming, he can bring friends if he wants. DH aunt and uncle also coming. DH’s parents could also stay overnight with us if they choose to. We also have 2 kids.

Great. Sounds like a lovely Thanksgiving with a full house.

1. MIL & FIL>2.5 to 3 hours away
2, their peer group friends>same area as MIL 2.5 to 3 hours away
3. BIL-wife-2 kids>staying overnight so they are not local. Same general area as MIL?
4. DH uncle and aunt>same general area as MIL?
5. DH single cousin plus friends>lives where? Near MIL? Local for OP?

If OP's family is the only unit that lives near OP the real question is do most of these people go to MIL's? If they're scattered it might actually be more convenient and shorter travel for most to go to OP's instead of MIL's. Who's house is the least travel for this group?

Anonymous wrote:When you are someday at your in-laws' funerals, you can be proud to look back and think about how you put them in their place about having their adult kids with them for holidays. You are sure showing them who's boss!

So you know when OP is going to die too? Enlighten us Nostradamus...

Anonymous wrote:When you are someday at your in-laws' funerals, you can be proud to look back and think about how you put them in their place about having their adult kids with them for holidays. You are sure showing them who's boss!

I’m surprised we made it 7 whole pages without this nonsense. OP said MIL’s friends are 60somethings; it stands to reason MIL is, too. There’s at least 10 years before you can play the Dead Card with a straight face.

When you are someday at your in-laws' funerals, you can be proud to look back and think about how you put them in their place about having their adult kids with them for holidays. You are sure showing them who's boss!

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't have to be this way

You’re right. OP’s MIL could graciously share hosting opportunities with all interested family members.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if when MIL was a young married woman, she couldn't host but had to go toher MIL or parents' house and when she got old, she was finally able to host. And after a few years, her son and family want to host.
Sorry if stuck in the middle. Not being ableto host when she was young, and now not being able to host when she's old.

OP here. DH said she hosted plenty of holidays, including Christmas, when he was growing up. Regardless, she’s had all holidays minus one Easter in the 7 years we’ve been married.

Pp you're responding to. And good to hear she hosted while her kids were little. I was just curious because I've seen that happen before.

Anonymous wrote:You can host, she can refuse to come. Expect other IL family to go to her.

Doesn't sound like that's going to happen.

OP, be sure to post an update in 7 months. My guess is that the drama will kick into high gear in early November. MIL will suddenly have some illness and need her family to come for Thanksgiving to help with her recovery. Lots of guilt tripping and pouting will ensue.

You can host, she can refuse to come. Expect other IL family to go to her.

It doesn't have to be this way

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if when MIL was a young married woman, she couldn't host but had to go toher MIL or parents' house and when she got old, she was finally able to host. And after a few years, her son and family want to host.
Sorry if stuck in the middle. Not being ableto host when she was young, and now not being able to host when she's old.

OP here. DH said she hosted plenty of holidays, including Christmas, when he was growing up. Regardless, she’s had all holidays minus one Easter in the 7 years we’ve been married.

should say ** sort of stuck in the middle**

Not sorry if...

I wonder if when MIL was a young married woman, she couldn't host but had to go toher MIL or parents' house and when she got old, she was finally able to host. And after a few years, her son and family want to host.
Sorry if stuck in the middle. Not being ableto host when she was young, and now not being able to host when she's old.

Prepare for this year of holidays to be awkward and hopefully smoother years ahead. Some people are resistant to change and will dig their heels in. A member of my family made a change to Easter this year. Same crew all still invited, but a different location. Did not go over well. Most did not show up, even though it only meant a drive change of 5 - 10 minutes. Traditions are nice if they work for most involved, but sometimes the expectations are not fair or logical. I'm starting to suspect family drama is our main tradition.

Good luck!