Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Op here. I really thought she was the one. When she broke up with me she told me to find someone else to fu** because she's done. I really did not see this coming. We rarely fight.

OP, she did not break up with you because of money problems. She broke up with you because you have different expectations. She thought that after three years together, you two were in a partnership where the mutual good of the couple took precedence over the individual--or at leas you were working toward that. That her being in grad school and living on a stipend was a temporary situation that you were fine with putting up with because you were in it for the long term.

By laughing at her for her request for 200 dollars to help stave off her debt you demonstrated that you did not think she was the one and you were not in it for the long term. Nothing wrong with that--and if you are not interested in the long term, you should not be supporting her at all (or dating for three years). But if you did think she was the one and you saw this as potential for marriage, then it makes no sense that you would not freaking pay the 200$ (in lieu of a vacation, or dinner or whatever) because you would not be thinking in terms of her vs me but in terms of us. So that's why she broke up. She feels like she can't count on you now, after 3 years, why should she in the future?

Op here. She wanted me to pay $200 monthly until NEXT summer so she can make $750 in monthly payments until the 8k is paid off. Summer 2019 is when her interest free promotion expires. I gave her $200 for her birthday. We also went on vacation to celebrate her birthday.

Anonymous wrote:

Op here. I really thought she was the one. When she broke up with me she told me to find someone else to fu** because she's done. I really did not see this coming. We rarely fight.

OP, she did not break up with you because of money problems. She broke up with you because you have different expectations. She thought that after three years together, you two were in a partnership where the mutual good of the couple took precedence over the individual--or at leas you were working toward that. That her being in grad school and living on a stipend was a temporary situation that you were fine with putting up with because you were in it for the long term.

By laughing at her for her request for 200 dollars to help stave off her debt you demonstrated that you did not think she was the one and you were not in it for the long term. Nothing wrong with that--and if you are not interested in the long term, you should not be supporting her at all (or dating for three years). But if you did think she was the one and you saw this as potential for marriage, then it makes no sense that you would not freaking pay the 200$ (in lieu of a vacation, or dinner or whatever) because you would not be thinking in terms of her vs me but in terms of us. So that's why she broke up. She feels like she can't count on you now, after 3 years, why should she in the future?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My then boyfriend, now husband, would have paid it. But then I didn't accrue debt. Trust your gut feeling, OP. She's not for you if your first instinct is not to pay her bills!

Op here. I really thought she was the one. When she broke up with me she told me to find someone else to fu** because she's done. I really did not see this coming. We rarely fight.

That shows you how you made her feel. Someone to have fun with and have sex with and not much else

Op here. I really thought she was the one. When she broke up with me she told me to find someone else to fu** because she's done. I really did not see this coming. We rarely fight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My then boyfriend, now husband, would have paid it. But then I didn't accrue debt. Trust your gut feeling, OP. She's not for you if your first instinct is not to pay her bills!

Op here. I really thought she was the one. When she broke up with me she told me to find someone else to fu** because she's done. I really did not see this coming. We rarely fight.

Anonymous wrote:

No we're saying that she must have really loved him to have stuck it out with someone 11 years older than her who was clearly not on track to become super rich.

She left him when he showed he didn't really love her and definitely was not generous.

You're completely ignoring the fact that they've been dating for three years. She's really playing the long gold digger game if she's asking for 600 bucks after 3 years.

Post after post, you basically keep arguing how the GF is basically sacrificing herself "putting up" with their age difference and his "only 90k/year" salary. (or "loving him so much she put up with him being 11 years older." lmao) First of all, 35 is not that old - it's not like he's in his 80s and she has to put up with his wrinkles and health issues. I mean, come ON. Sure, comparatively it's a huge difference, but have you considered that some women *like and prefer* older guys, even from a young age. Not saying it's common but it happens. Not saying those relationships tend to/not work out, but you guys are being so weird assuming that this is something she's had to "deal with." LOL. I mean, how old are you?

Second, to a student who's never been out in the world and who's ever only made up to $24k, $90k is a lot. He's obviously well off enough to pay for fancy trips (except for the plane) and that's way better than dating another broke grad student. I say this with fond memories of my own broke grad school days.

You come at this like OP owes her something for being "old" and "unsuccessful" and something she's had to deal with and he deserves whatever dumping he gets based on his unwillingness to give her money. This just seems really shallow and f'ed up, for lack of better words.

Anonymous wrote:
My then boyfriend, now husband, would have paid it. But then I didn't accrue debt. Trust your gut feeling, OP. She's not for you if your first instinct is not to pay her bills!

No we're saying that she must have really loved him to have stuck it out with someone 11 years older than her who was clearly not on track to become super rich.

She left him when he showed he didn't really love her and definitely was not generous.

You're completely ignoring the fact that they've been dating for three years. She's really playing the long gold digger game if she's asking for 600 bucks after 3 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your ages? Are you a lot older than your GF?

OP here. I am 35 and and she's 24.

Oh wow I am dying laughing at this. You need to date someone closer to your own age or realize that you don't bring that much to the table for a 24 year old. Why did you think she was with you?

I guess the gold diggers are out in force defending their kind...

A 24 year old asking a 35 year old making 90k a year for 600 dollars to pay a specific bill is a pretty bad gold digger.

I think the quote in bold is what makes the PP a gold digger, and she's inferring the same mentality to OP's ex, true or not.

I'm saying he's old, not particularly successful, and based on this thread not emotionally or financially generous with his stressed out, much younger, broke GF. In Dan Savage terms he violated the Campsite Rule. What do you think OP brought to the table, if I'm wrong?

You don't get it do you? You're proving my point for me and you think you've got the winning point? It doesn't matter how much of a loser you think OP is, how you think $90k is "not particularly successful" and how you think 35 is "old," you're just proving that OP's ex was with him for the money, and when that didn't pan out, she dropped him like a hot rock. Ergo, he dodged a bullet.

Jesus, you are dim.

No we're saying that she must have really loved him to have stuck it out with someone 11 years older than her who was clearly not on track to become super rich.

She left him when he showed he didn't really love her and definitely was not generous.

You're completely ignoring the fact that they've been dating for three years. She's really playing the long gold digger game if she's asking for 600 bucks after 3 years.

Your assumptions are off -- I said very early in the thread that when there's a big income discrepancy either the couple lives to the broke one's standards or the rich one treats. He was making her pay for airfare to take trips she couldn't afford and now he's single. They didn't have to travel, they could have dated a lot more cheaply -- that's what I did when I met my DH! But you think that your internalized misogyny makes you a neutral arbiter -- except in your world a grad student in CC debt asking the boyfriend of three years who's been breaking her bank account to help her with minimums until her next stipend is a "mooch" and a "gold digger"? Mkay.

That's not why they broke up. For all you know she wanted to travel and have OP pay for everything but the plane tickets. Now you're just making crap up.

Also, saying that women should pay for their own credit card debt and not expect a man to swoop in a save her makes me a misogynist now? Take a hike!

Read the thread. He said she canceled the trip and broke up with him. She couldn't afford to travel like he can. And no, what makes PP a misogynist is all the name calling -- calling a person a gold digger on the flimsiest of evidence (like the other PP said, waiting 3 years to ask for $600 is a very long con) and then doubling, tripling, quadrupling down on a gendered slur is misogynist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they’ve been dating for three years, she was 21 and he was 32 when they started.

32/2 + 7 = 23

This age difference fails the Formula. There’s a reason why this formula has been around for generations.

But it's currently in compliance with the formula.

Once she was in compliance she was old enough to see OP for what he is