Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:39     Subject: Re:I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't know what to tell you... The host does have playgroup and she is the only one who hosts it. That is just the way the has always been.

And I do work on my child's behavior - all the time. It is just harder for her. Maybe she isn't as smart as the other kids and maybe I am just not doing it right, but I do try every minute of every day. And I stay on top of her as much as I can in the playgroup.


OP, I have a similarly-tempermented child and found the techniques in this book to be invaluable: https://www.amazon.com/Setting-Limits-Strong-Willed-Revised-Expanded/dp/0770436595

She is doing much better now that we have implemented them, and she does well in a group environment.

Best of luck.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:35     Subject: Re:I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
I think 10-12 is generally a better time for most.
But perhaps you can try to set up a 3-5 standing play date at a playground. It’s getting warmer now.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:34     Subject: I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:1. The majority of kids at 2.5 nap after lunch, so that's probably why she moved it. And probably why it will stay unless they're all in morning preschool or something.

2. Someone rescheduled ONE time and your first thought is that you were dropped? Wow. It's not like she moved it and didn't tell you or claimed it was cancelled and had it without you.


OP here. The host mother changed the play group for three weeks because (she said) her DD's music class was cancelled for three weeks of spring break. Just because your morning class was cancelled, why change the afternoon playgroup?

Because she's the host mother and preferred the mornings.


I have a moms meetup that's normally in the afternoons that we moved to the mornings because of Spring Break for scheduling reasons (older kids being in half day camps). It actually doesn't strike me as weird at all that the mom would rather have her mornings filled and so moved the playgroup for 3 weeks when her mornings opened up.

TBH I have never encountered a 2.5 year old that naps at 11 am in my entire life. BUT, I still don't understand why you couldn't go to the first hour or so of playgroup at least if you're so wedded to it? If your 2.5 year old seriously can't handle having her nap time pushed 15 or so minutes, something is up. How do you handle travel/daylight savings/getting stuck in traffic?Having a kid that unresilient is going to make starting preschool a nightmare...
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:32     Subject: I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
Ugh.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:29     Subject: I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:1. The majority of kids at 2.5 nap after lunch, so that's probably why she moved it. And probably why it will stay unless they're all in morning preschool or something.

2. Someone rescheduled ONE time and your first thought is that you were dropped? Wow. It's not like she moved it and didn't tell you or claimed it was cancelled and had it without you.


OP here. The host mother changed the play group for three weeks because (she said) her DD's music class was cancelled for three weeks of spring break. Just because your morning class was cancelled, why change the afternoon playgroup?

Because she's the host mother and preferred the mornings.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:29     Subject: I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
OP, if your child does not have documented developmental delays, you may want to get your child tested. You also need to host in your home and share costs/responsibilities. I'd get sick of a freeloader too.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:28     Subject: Re:I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't know what to tell you... The host does have playgroup and she is the only one who hosts it. That is just the way the has always been.

And I do work on my child's behavior - all the time. It is just harder for her. Maybe she isn't as smart as the other kids and maybe I am just not doing it right, but I do try every minute of every day. And I stay on top of her as much as I can in the playgroup.


Your "as much as I can" comment is the problem, OP.

The reality is that the rest of us would stay on top of our child as much as necessary so they didn't affect the experience for anyone else. Even if that means we literally hover over the child every single second that they're there, even if all the other parents are sitting around relaxing. If we couldn't do that for whatever reason then we just wouldn't go.

It comes down to the entitlement attitude again - you're not entitled to attend. Nobody owes you that (least of all the host). If it's not a beneficial arrangement for them, then they shouldn't do it. It sounds like they have a great playgroup with enough kids to attend already.

Have you tried to seek out special needs groups in your area? Groups with a lot of kids with ADHD or who are on the spectrum might be a better fit for your child. They may also struggle with impulse control and/or navigating interactions, so your child could fit in a lot more. Sometimes there are even designated "social skills" groups for kids who really struggle with it. Then everyone is on the same page with expectations, you're not negatively affecting anyone, and yet your child can still play with other kids.


Op’s child does not have special needs, unless I missed that. And 2yos are not diagnosed with ADHD. Neither are there many 2yos diagnosed with autism. I haven’t heard of a social skills group for 2yos.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:26     Subject: I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
Anonymous wrote:Well, you don't know if she moved it because she didn't want your child there. But either way, regardless of her motive, it worked better for her to have it at the other time and since she hosts it, that's her right. So your choices are either; (1) see if you can get your kid to nap at a different time. She's 2.5, not an infant; or (2) find or start a playgroup at a time that works better for you.


Oh, for the love of Ducks! Nice Host moved it for a few weeks because her daughter’s music class was cancelled. OP herself said that Nice Host’s child was often just waking up when the playgroup started normally. What a nightmare - hosting a bunch of unrelated toddlers as soon as your own child wakes up from nap. Again, another reason the woman deserves a medal.

It was simply the only time Nice Host Had free (due to music being in the morning), and nothing to do with OP. OP has some kind of weird obsession with this woman, although she continues to invite her and allow her daughter to participate, despite her questionable behaviour.

Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:21     Subject: Re:I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
We can't afford daycare or preschool at this point. And the 3-5 playgroup was perfect for my child.


Well, it wasn't perfect for the host, and since she's the one hosting it, she has every right to move it. If you want a 3-5 playgroup, start one someplace - a park, a common room in a rec center.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:19     Subject: I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
Anonymous wrote:Well, you don't know if she moved it because she didn't want your child there. But either way, regardless of her motive, it worked better for her to have it at the other time and since she hosts it, that's her right. So your choices are either; (1) see if you can get your kid to nap at a different time. She's 2.5, not an infant; or (2) find or start a playgroup at a time that works better for you.


OP already knows that they don't want her child there, even if it was "simply a nice coincidence" about the schedule change. Even if she could get her child on a more usual toddler nap schedule then I don't think she should try to get into the group again.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:16     Subject: I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
Well, you don't know if she moved it because she didn't want your child there. But either way, regardless of her motive, it worked better for her to have it at the other time and since she hosts it, that's her right. So your choices are either; (1) see if you can get your kid to nap at a different time. She's 2.5, not an infant; or (2) find or start a playgroup at a time that works better for you.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:15     Subject: I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
How did you join this group, OP?
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 17:11     Subject: Re:I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't know what to tell you... The host does have playgroup and she is the only one who hosts it. That is just the way the has always been.

And I do work on my child's behavior - all the time. It is just harder for her. Maybe she isn't as smart as the other kids and maybe I am just not doing it right, but I do try every minute of every day. And I stay on top of her as much as I can in the playgroup.


Your "as much as I can" comment is the problem, OP.

The reality is that the rest of us would stay on top of our child as much as necessary so they didn't affect the experience for anyone else. Even if that means we literally hover over the child every single second that they're there, even if all the other parents are sitting around relaxing. If we couldn't do that for whatever reason then we just wouldn't go.

It comes down to the entitlement attitude again - you're not entitled to attend. Nobody owes you that (least of all the host). If it's not a beneficial arrangement for them, then they shouldn't do it. It sounds like they have a great playgroup with enough kids to attend already.

Have you tried to seek out special needs groups in your area? Groups with a lot of kids with ADHD or who are on the spectrum might be a better fit for your child. They may also struggle with impulse control and/or navigating interactions, so your child could fit in a lot more. Sometimes there are even designated "social skills" groups for kids who really struggle with it. Then everyone is on the same page with expectations, you're not negatively affecting anyone, and yet your child can still play with other kids.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 16:48     Subject: I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
OP - do you let her paint at home? I would be working on setting up lots of 1:1 playdates at your house and hopefully 1:1 she will do better and those moms will reciprocate.

If there are others in your playgroup that you think she would get along with, now they'll be free 3-5 when it's convenient for you.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2018 16:45     Subject: Re:I think we have been dropped from playgroup.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - I am really sorry. That's hard. With that being said, I would do whatever I could possibly do to get your kid into some sort of structured daycare setting for at least a few hours a week. There are a range of kids in my DD's classroom (2.5) and the teachers get ALL of them to regularly sit for story time. When I go to pick up in the afternoon, they have somehow magically gotten 11 wild children to sit and listen to a book. I don't think that your child not being able to sit through a 3 minute story time is normal for that age...I would really work on boundaries and I think sometimes outside professionals are needed for this.

As for the playgroup, host something at the park or shift nap time to noon and go from 10-11:30. 3-5 playgroup sounds like a nightmare, TBH.


We can't afford daycare or preschool at this point. And the 3-5 playgroup was perfect for my child.


You keep saying it was perfect but obviously not since your child was not adapting to it. It may have felt perfect for you and you feel left out now.


My child LOVED it. She still asks for the little girl (meaning the playdate). She painted and got to run around and was very happy there. She is just not as calm as the other kids.


This woman let a group of toddlers PAINT in her house? And you’re complaining?! Let your child paint at home.

I’m sorry, she deserves a medal.


I wouldn't have phrased it quite the same way, although I agree. Painting is something that you do with relatively calm children. Obviously the other children are quite well behaved, perhaps even more so than those on this thread were even imagining. A bunch of calm kids who can sit and paint nicely as well as run around and also play together nicely without anybody grabbing or being aggressive... your child just doesn't fit in there, OP. You may think it's "perfect" for YOU, meaning that your child is on the receiving end of a bunch of good stuff (painting, a place to run around, some friends who wouldn't choose to spend time with her otherwise, models of appropriate behavior from the other children), but it certainly wasn't perfect for everyone else.

You remind me of the mother who decided to have more kids than she could handle so she dumped her older kids at the neighbor every single morning to take to school. It's called having an entitled attitude, and life just doesn't work that way. I'm sorry that you weren't taught this growing up, but it's time that you learn it now. If you want people to want to have a relationship with you, you need to offer something in return. You can't just take.


OP here. Oddly, painting is something my child can do and does do calmly for a long period of time. Painting and coloring are the only things that she will sit for and she sits much longer than the other kids.

But she is aggressive and doesn't understand sharing or taking turns. I do work with her and I do clean up her messes (in reference to the beans comment above - I was right there and she is too fast for me).