Anonymous
03/23/2018 19:13
Subject: Re:Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Anonymous wrote:Land that helicopter! This is crazy! A 10 year old is old enough to go to a sleepover. She's old enough to police her own body and be mindful of her comfort zone around adults.
This makes me sad to think of kids growing up without sleepovers because of crazy paranoid helicopter parents.
So what are you implying about girls who are “old enough to police their own bodies” and STILL get molested/assaulted/raped????
Anonymous
03/23/2018 18:39
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
It makes me sad to think of what your daughter could be missing out on. I was allowed to sleep over a friend’s house starting in 2nd grade. It was a party with a number of girls I knew since preschool. Through high school my girlfriends and I would have sleepovers every so often and after prom. Some of my friends’ parents are like second parents to me to this day and I’m sorry for your daughter if she misses out on having mentors and responsible adults she can look up to, as well as close relationships with girlfriends.
In my opinion you’re overly hung up on the bad, and not looking at what good can come of it.
In my opinion you’re overly hung up on the bad, and not looking at what good can come of it.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 17:11
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm really troubled by this post - you seem to be sending the message to her that she should fear all of her friends' fathers. Just ask some basic questions and let her go!
I am also troubled.
There was another thread about parents worried about kids hanging out in a classroom with a male teacher during lunch/after school. They're worried about potential molestation!
I feel sorry for our kids.
And you wonder why children have so much anxiety these days, it's from their parents!
Small tangent- I had a classmate who was always hanging out with a female teacher after school, getting "tutoring" or whatever.
They openly dated a few years later.
There's no reason to be "hanging out" with a teacher after school. Teachers are just not that cool. People are over-protective about this stuff because there are lots of weirdos out there, and it doesn't mean we have to be afraid, just a bit vigilant.
This is a perfect example. So because your friend developed a lesbian relationship with her teacher, you are now concerned that this could happen to your child or someone else. When you're over vigilant because you think there are a lot 'wierdos' out there, you prevent your child from doing normal, healthy developmental things such as develop a special teacher-student relationship, for example. Or, back to the main topic, allow your child to have unstructured social time at sleepover parties.
Nope, not a lesbian relationship, the teacher was female and the student was male!
What I mean is, you need to be vigilant without being a helicopter. And people will come to different conclusions without anyone necessarily being wrong. I don't know what happens in other people's houses and I don't want to know. There are issues other than molestation, there's the pp who was talking about her DH being an alcoholic, there's mental illness. My mother is mentally ill and she can hold it together really well during the day but then the sun goes down and so does she.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 16:58
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Anonymous wrote:1 in 5 girls are molested before 18. Here are some facts to think about before you allow sleepovers.
exually abused before their 18th birthday (Pereda et al, 2009).
2. 95 percent of sexually abused children will be abused by someone they know and trust (NAPCAN 2009).
3. Of those molesting a child under six, 50 percent were family members. Family members also accounted for 23 percent of those abusing children 12 to 17 years (Snyder, 2000).
4. The most vulnerable age for children to be exposed to sexual assault is between 3 and 8 years with the majority of onset happening between these ages (Browne & Lynch, 1994).
5. Males made up 90 percent of adult child sexual assault perpetrators, while 3.9 percent of perpetrators were female, with a further 6 percent classified as ’unknown gender’ (McCloskey & Raphael, 2005).
6. As many of 40 percent of children who are sexually abused are abused by older, or more powerful children. (Finkelhor, 2012) Note: with the easy access to pornography we are seeing more and more cases of child on child sexual abuse, and older children/siblings sexually abusing younger children. Twenty-three percent of all 10 to 17 year olds experience exposure to unwanted pornography (Jones L., et al 2012).
7. Eighty-four percent of sexual victimization of children under 12 occurs in a residence (Snyder, 2000).
8. In 98 percent of child abuse cases reported to officials, children’s statements were found to be true (NSW Child Protection Council, cited in Dympna House 1998).
9. 1 in 3 adults would not believe a child if they disclosed sexual abuse (Australian Childhood Foundation, 2010).
10. Seventy-three percent of child victims do not tell anyone about the abuse for at least 1 year. Forty-five percent do not tell anyone for 5 years. Some never disclose (Broman-Fulks et al, 2007).
11. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse are 10 to 13 times more likely to attempt suicide. (Plunkett A, O’Toole B, Swanston H, Oates RK, Shrimpton S, Parkinson P 2001).
12. Children living without either parent (foster children) are 10 times more likely to be sexually abused than children who live with both biological parents. Children who live with a single parent that has a live-in partner are at the highest risk: they are 20 times more likely to be victims of sexual abuse than children living with both biological parents (Sedlack et al, 2010).
You need xanax.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 16:57
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm really troubled by this post - you seem to be sending the message to her that she should fear all of her friends' fathers. Just ask some basic questions and let her go!
I am also troubled.
There was another thread about parents worried about kids hanging out in a classroom with a male teacher during lunch/after school. They're worried about potential molestation!
I feel sorry for our kids.
And you wonder why children have so much anxiety these days, it's from their parents!
Yup.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 16:31
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
1 in 5 girls are molested before 18. Here are some facts to think about before you allow sleepovers.
exually abused before their 18th birthday (Pereda et al, 2009).
2. 95 percent of sexually abused children will be abused by someone they know and trust (NAPCAN 2009).
3. Of those molesting a child under six, 50 percent were family members. Family members also accounted for 23 percent of those abusing children 12 to 17 years (Snyder, 2000).
4. The most vulnerable age for children to be exposed to sexual assault is between 3 and 8 years with the majority of onset happening between these ages (Browne & Lynch, 1994).
5. Males made up 90 percent of adult child sexual assault perpetrators, while 3.9 percent of perpetrators were female, with a further 6 percent classified as ’unknown gender’ (McCloskey & Raphael, 2005).
6. As many of 40 percent of children who are sexually abused are abused by older, or more powerful children. (Finkelhor, 2012) Note: with the easy access to pornography we are seeing more and more cases of child on child sexual abuse, and older children/siblings sexually abusing younger children. Twenty-three percent of all 10 to 17 year olds experience exposure to unwanted pornography (Jones L., et al 2012).
7. Eighty-four percent of sexual victimization of children under 12 occurs in a residence (Snyder, 2000).
8. In 98 percent of child abuse cases reported to officials, children’s statements were found to be true (NSW Child Protection Council, cited in Dympna House 1998).
9. 1 in 3 adults would not believe a child if they disclosed sexual abuse (Australian Childhood Foundation, 2010).
10. Seventy-three percent of child victims do not tell anyone about the abuse for at least 1 year. Forty-five percent do not tell anyone for 5 years. Some never disclose (Broman-Fulks et al, 2007).
11. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse are 10 to 13 times more likely to attempt suicide. (Plunkett A, O’Toole B, Swanston H, Oates RK, Shrimpton S, Parkinson P 2001).
12. Children living without either parent (foster children) are 10 times more likely to be sexually abused than children who live with both biological parents. Children who live with a single parent that has a live-in partner are at the highest risk: they are 20 times more likely to be victims of sexual abuse than children living with both biological parents (Sedlack et al, 2010).
exually abused before their 18th birthday (Pereda et al, 2009).
2. 95 percent of sexually abused children will be abused by someone they know and trust (NAPCAN 2009).
3. Of those molesting a child under six, 50 percent were family members. Family members also accounted for 23 percent of those abusing children 12 to 17 years (Snyder, 2000).
4. The most vulnerable age for children to be exposed to sexual assault is between 3 and 8 years with the majority of onset happening between these ages (Browne & Lynch, 1994).
5. Males made up 90 percent of adult child sexual assault perpetrators, while 3.9 percent of perpetrators were female, with a further 6 percent classified as ’unknown gender’ (McCloskey & Raphael, 2005).
6. As many of 40 percent of children who are sexually abused are abused by older, or more powerful children. (Finkelhor, 2012) Note: with the easy access to pornography we are seeing more and more cases of child on child sexual abuse, and older children/siblings sexually abusing younger children. Twenty-three percent of all 10 to 17 year olds experience exposure to unwanted pornography (Jones L., et al 2012).
7. Eighty-four percent of sexual victimization of children under 12 occurs in a residence (Snyder, 2000).
8. In 98 percent of child abuse cases reported to officials, children’s statements were found to be true (NSW Child Protection Council, cited in Dympna House 1998).
9. 1 in 3 adults would not believe a child if they disclosed sexual abuse (Australian Childhood Foundation, 2010).
10. Seventy-three percent of child victims do not tell anyone about the abuse for at least 1 year. Forty-five percent do not tell anyone for 5 years. Some never disclose (Broman-Fulks et al, 2007).
11. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse are 10 to 13 times more likely to attempt suicide. (Plunkett A, O’Toole B, Swanston H, Oates RK, Shrimpton S, Parkinson P 2001).
12. Children living without either parent (foster children) are 10 times more likely to be sexually abused than children who live with both biological parents. Children who live with a single parent that has a live-in partner are at the highest risk: they are 20 times more likely to be victims of sexual abuse than children living with both biological parents (Sedlack et al, 2010).
Anonymous
03/23/2018 16:26
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm really troubled by this post - you seem to be sending the message to her that she should fear all of her friends' fathers. Just ask some basic questions and let her go!
I am also troubled.
There was another thread about parents worried about kids hanging out in a classroom with a male teacher during lunch/after school. They're worried about potential molestation!
I feel sorry for our kids.
And you wonder why children have so much anxiety these days, it's from their parents!
Small tangent- I had a classmate who was always hanging out with a female teacher after school, getting "tutoring" or whatever.
They openly dated a few years later.
There's no reason to be "hanging out" with a teacher after school. Teachers are just not that cool. People are over-protective about this stuff because there are lots of weirdos out there, and it doesn't mean we have to be afraid, just a bit vigilant.
This is a perfect example. So because your friend developed a lesbian relationship with her teacher, you are now concerned that this could happen to your child or someone else. When you're over vigilant because you think there are a lot 'wierdos' out there, you prevent your child from doing normal, healthy developmental things such as develop a special teacher-student relationship, for example. Or, back to the main topic, allow your child to have unstructured social time at sleepover parties.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 16:24
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Don't do it. Once you allow it, the next sleepover will come with more pressure to say yes. You don't really know what goes on at a sleepover. We never allowed it and have no regrets.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 16:01
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm really troubled by this post - you seem to be sending the message to her that she should fear all of her friends' fathers. Just ask some basic questions and let her go!
I am also troubled.
There was another thread about parents worried about kids hanging out in a classroom with a male teacher during lunch/after school. They're worried about potential molestation!
I feel sorry for our kids.
And you wonder why children have so much anxiety these days, it's from their parents!
Small tangent- I had a classmate who was always hanging out with a female teacher after school, getting "tutoring" or whatever.
They openly dated a few years later.
There's no reason to be "hanging out" with a teacher after school. Teachers are just not that cool. People are over-protective about this stuff because there are lots of weirdos out there, and it doesn't mean we have to be afraid, just a bit vigilant.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 15:27
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm really troubled by this post - you seem to be sending the message to her that she should fear all of her friends' fathers. Just ask some basic questions and let her go!
This x 100. As a society, we have to find a way to educate our kids about potential dangers and give them tools to protect themselves without singling out an entire category of people as likely perpetrators.
exactly!
Children must know there are good, trustworthy adults besides their parents. Because there ARE. Putting the fear of god in them that adult males are harmful is terrible! They must learn to interact with adults of all ages and genders. Make conversation. Ask questions. Advocate for themselves. Develop an instinct. And have fun, for god sakes!
And, btw, other adults offer a different point of view, outlook, wisdom, and skill set that I can't offer my kids, so it's really important to let your kids interact and learn from adults other than yourself.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 14:23
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm really troubled by this post - you seem to be sending the message to her that she should fear all of her friends' fathers. Just ask some basic questions and let her go!
This x 100. As a society, we have to find a way to educate our kids about potential dangers and give them tools to protect themselves without singling out an entire category of people as likely perpetrators.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 14:20
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't know why PPs who allow sleepovers are so harsh on OP. Some people allow sleepovers, and some don't. Big deal.
(With a couple of exceptions through the years), we only allow sleepovers with one family. Everyone else...we pick the kids up at 10 or 11.
btw our kids don't really want sleepovers. They realize that they are exhausted on the next day. It should be called "awake-over"
Yes, but the question is, WHY do they or don't they allow sleepovers?
"I don't allow sleepovers because my kid is a wreck the next day, and we have stuff to do" is one thing.
"I don't allow sleepovers because you never know what might happen" is another.
DP
Why is it different? Really it’s none of your business what another family chooses to do (or NOt do) with their kids. Back off.
True, but when OP’s question is whether she is overreacting, then PP’s distinction becomes valid. If you’ve tried sleepovers and know your kid can’t handle them, then you’re not overreacting by putting a stop to them. If you’re focused on totally irrational fears and being driven by paranoia, then you’re overreacting.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 14:15
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Who are all these parents willing to run around doing pickups at 11 pm?
My girl has been attending and hosting sleepovers since she was four years old, but at age 15 I will still always come pick her up no matter where she is, if she is uncomfortable and wants to come home. Ok, I don't have a car so really I'll probably send her an Uber, but yes if she is uncomfortable anywhere I will absolutely get her out of there, even if I have to order a chopper.
I’m totally with you on that, needed pickups any time are a given. I’m just surprised by how many people are willing to plan ahead to pick up their kids (seemingly regularly) at 11 pm rather than letting them sleepover at someone’s house.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 13:59
Subject: Re:Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
Land that helicopter! This is crazy! A 10 year old is old enough to go to a sleepover. She's old enough to police her own body and be mindful of her comfort zone around adults.
This makes me sad to think of kids growing up without sleepovers because of crazy paranoid helicopter parents.
This makes me sad to think of kids growing up without sleepovers because of crazy paranoid helicopter parents.
Anonymous
03/23/2018 12:11
Subject: Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old
I’d think there’d be safety in numbers at a sleepover party.