As crap as your pay is, ask yourself this--should I measure success in terms of the lives I impact, or the money people give me?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a problem with my job/career path/lack of career/low pay. I don't really care what others think about it. I feel like I wasted my master's degree but the problem is that I'm not that interested in the subject of my master's degree field anymore. If I could be back in college again I'd pursue an allied health career--physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, etc. and start my own practice. Wish I could pursue that path now but I can't uproot us for a new grad degree.

NP here. I could have written a lot of what OP said and I'm also in my 40s struggling with finding a solid job after staying home with small children for a few years. I've also been working part-time, taking on freelance positions that pay around $20/hour, or less.

I think a big factor in what happens to your career certainly is your line of work. The SAHMs I've met who have returned to work without a catch work in a field that requires some kind of state certificate or license. As OP mentioned, the allied health fields, i.e. PT, OT, speech. Also, of course, medicine. Or K-12 teaching. They're not perfect paths, but unlike other fields, your career path is more or less solid and you can go part-time if need be if you have your own practice by age 35-40, or leave the field for a few years (some school districts around the country will hold a teacher's job if they take a leave of absence). And, there is and will always be a need for specialists in the allied health fields. With the aging babyboomers, you'll more or less be set employment-wise if you're an OT.

I majored in a liberal arts field and experienced layoffs and companies shutting down or merging. Would I have found myself collecting unemployment ten years ago if I had been working as teacher or physical therapist? Probably not. I made my bed, as the saying goes. Now, at 40+, I'm trying to find ways to continue using my degrees and have had to settle for part-time, lower-paying online work due to the state of things in my life. Sure, I coulda, shoulda. I'd love to go back to school but there are other expenses to worry about at this point. The one thing that scares me when I see older women in their 50s, 60s, working at a department store. I highly doubt all of them are just divorcees who have to make end's meet. I bet a lot of them are educated professionals in their 50s who simply have a better chance of being hit by a car than hired.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$20 an hour is $40k a year. You guys are acting like that’s poverty wages

IDK about you but I'd be pissed to be an ivy grad with a masters making 40k. And no my kids would not make it worth it for me.

This is simultaneously hilarious and pathetic. ^^^

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The more meaningful question would be why you couldn't develop your career before you had kids. You had many years to establish yourself in the field - what happened that it wasn't accomplished? If you were an established professional by the time you had kids, you could have had a flexible and much better paying job in your field of expertise.

Except for making you feel better for asking, how is this a helpful comment? (Not op. I make less than 20)

I'd like to understand why such a smart, successful and educated young woman had no career before having kids. Something doesn't add up here. If she wasn't interested in building her career pre-kids, why should it be a surprise that she doesn't have it now at the age of 40? If she was happy without a career pre-kids, why can't she continue being happy now? If she was an expert at something pre-kids, she should be able to find a job in her field and make more money. She said she stayed home only for 2 years, not 20.

OP here. I got my master's degree when I was 31. Worked full-time for a few years, pregnant at 34. SAH from 35-37. Now been working at this job from 38-40.

Before I got my master's degree I was underemployed in a few random jobs.

Why couldn't you find a decent job after you received your bachelors degree? That should answer the question as to why you have no higher paying job now.

OP here. Well, the reason why I was underemployed in many random jobs in my 20s before I got my master's degree was that I was trying to apply to med school after I got my BA in biology. I was doing a post-bacc pre-med program, studying for the MCAT, working as a research assistant in a hospital, working other types of jobs in the medical field, etc. I spent 5 years in my 20s on that path. And after all that I got in nowhere. So I really had to readjust my whole career plan. I ended up getting my master's in public health instead. Then I had twins and SAH. Then I took this current job making $20 per hour because I wanted to be available when needed to attend events at my kids' school, be the one to stay home for sick days and snow days, etc.

IP that sounds like a pretty fantastic life to me. I know more than a few people who would absolutely trade for that

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to throw sand in the cake batter and say that I don't think parenting is the most important job in the world. Neither does OP. That is what leads to the sense of a lack of fulfillment. Some years ago Caitlin Flanagan wrote an excellent piece about it in The Atlantic. As the mother of 3 daughters I actually find the "parenting is all" idea dangerous. We are telling girls and women to always choose someone else first. This world loses so much because women devote it to their children instead of society at large.

I'm wondering what on earth could be more important than devoting time to one's own children. What a strange outlook on life.

Strange Outlook PP here. The best part is that it is nearly impossible to imagine a man saying this with a straight face and living out the conviction: i.e. doing all he could to maximize time caring for his children. A big part of my problem with the "parenting is all" ethos is that it seems only to apply to women. No educated and healthy man is ever expected to choose childcare and housework over a career outside the home. That is why the few who do are lionized.

Hmm. I'm an educated and healthy woman and never once felt I was "expected to choose childcare and housework over a career outside the home." No one expected me to do this - I simply *wanted* to because it was the best decision for our family. I find it odd that you (and other PPs) still, in 2018, think that women are pressured into SAH simply because they're women. Many women (and men) don't have a choice in the matter - they need to work. But for those of us who are fortunate to have options, SAH is very much that - a choice. And it's an extremely important decision, one which I've never taken lightly.

FTR, I never lionize men who choose to SAH. I think it's great that any family is able to have a SAH parent, regardless of gender. And I'm grateful every single day that in our family, I'm able to be that parent.

Anonymous wrote:Can you women who will accept $20 an hour with a master's degree just stay at home?

You're lowering the salaries for everyone else who is struggling to make a living.

You live your life, we'll live ours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I also have a very similar background and circumstances. If anything, I think non-profits are lucky to have highly educated, high-achieving employees who can help them do good because their work is so necessary. Try to shift your focus away from your pay and to the fact that you are fortunate to have coworkers you enjoy and a mission that you believe in.

Also, research supports the fact that the happiest and most fulfilled people are those with strong relationships with others. Use your free time to nurture your friendships and build new ones. Far better than spending time pushing papers on your desk!

Finally, if you really want to pursue your career, volunteer in an area relevant to your career interests and when your kids are older, pour your energy into your career. Seek out older women as mentors and hear their stories. I'm sure you'll be inspired. My friend's mom took time off to raise her 3 kids and once they were grown reinvented herself as a businesswoman in her 40s and worked her way back up again. She is a happy working woman in her early 60s.

Good luck and blessings to you!

+1
This is what my own mom did. Great advice.

Unless you meet your husband young, who the heck is done raising kids in her 40s?

I'm 49 and my oldest is 22. The other two are in college. I wouldn't call that "meeting my husband young."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to throw sand in the cake batter and say that I don't think parenting is the most important job in the world. Neither does OP. That is what leads to the sense of a lack of fulfillment. Some years ago Caitlin Flanagan wrote an excellent piece about it in The Atlantic. As the mother of 3 daughters I actually find the "parenting is all" idea dangerous. We are telling girls and women to always choose someone else first. This world loses so much because women devote it to their children instead of society at large.

I'm wondering what on earth could be more important than devoting time to one's own children. What a strange outlook on life.

Cancer research. My husband SAH so I can spend 50 hours a week trying to ameliorate the effects of certain types of breast cancer.

Yes - but your husband is able to SAH with your kids. Your kids are lucky they have a parent devoting their time to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Own your choices, OP. You are a logical woman, with free will. To hell with the expectations of others. You are allowed to want what you want and go out and get it.

THIS.

And I would add (to the OP), many of your college friends have probably made the same choices. I know mine have. I'm not embarrassed about a thing. Why would I be?

Why would you be embarrassed to take a job you didn't need your education to obtain? Um, I'll just wait her while your Ivy League self fills in the blank.

I was referring to why would I be embarrassed to choose staying home with my kids over WOH. What are you referring to?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your net worth of not your self worth but at the same time, I consider my law firm partner salary mine because we both work equally hard to allow that job within our family

Um that's funny. My spouse and I are both equity law firm partners (he is 100%, I am 80%). Your job doesn't permit him to be a law firm partner.

Not the PP, but I don't understand what you're saying. Or what the PP is saying, for that matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to throw sand in the cake batter and say that I don't think parenting is the most important job in the world. Neither does OP. That is what leads to the sense of a lack of fulfillment. Some years ago Caitlin Flanagan wrote an excellent piece about it in The Atlantic. As the mother of 3 daughters I actually find the "parenting is all" idea dangerous. We are telling girls and women to always choose someone else first. This world loses so much because women devote it to their children instead of society at large.

I'm wondering what on earth could be more important than devoting time to one's own children. What a strange outlook on life.

Yep. And herein lies the basis for the Mommy Wars. I'm a NP on this thread but it's telling that a PP was offended that one of the OP-type posters acknowledged that some women value career and self more than their motherhood role. The offended poster called her judgmental, but what else leads a woman who can choose career over staying at home if not valuing her contribution to career and sense of professional self more than her role as a caregiver??? Isn't that just a simple truth? Why does that have to be a "judgement"unless one felt guilty or defensive about it?

+100
Yes, it is a simple truth and wasn't disguised as anything else. Bizarre that anyone would be offended by that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a problem with my job/career path/lack of career/low pay. I don't really care what others think about it. I feel like I wasted my master's degree but the problem is that I'm not that interested in the subject of my master's degree field anymore. If I could be back in college again I'd pursue an allied health career--physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, etc. and start my own practice. Wish I could pursue that path now but I can't uproot us for a new grad degree.

Why can't you pursue a new degree at a local school, such as the GWU? I did that when I was a SAHM - studied full time and graduated in 15 months.

I don't know anyone who has ever moved for a PT/OT/ST degree. I mean maybe if you live in a super small town or something, but assuming you're in DC or near another big city -- people just go to the local school that accepts them.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a problem with my job/career path/lack of career/low pay. I don't really care what others think about it. I feel like I wasted my master's degree but the problem is that I'm not that interested in the subject of my master's degree field anymore. If I could be back in college again I'd pursue an allied health career--physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, etc. and start my own practice. Wish I could pursue that path now but I can't uproot us for a new grad degree.

Why can't you pursue a new degree at a local school, such as the GWU? I did that when I was a SAHM - studied full time and graduated in 15 months.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a problem with my job/career path/lack of career/low pay. I don't really care what others think about it. I feel like I wasted my master's degree but the problem is that I'm not that interested in the subject of my master's degree field anymore. If I could be back in college again I'd pursue an allied health career--physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, etc. and start my own practice. Wish I could pursue that path now but I can't uproot us for a new grad degree.

Sorry but I don't think this is about your kids or your mommy track status which you didn't take on until 35. You had 13 years to develop a career for yourself and you really didn't -- 2-3 yrs of F/T experience before mommy track is not a career. I don't think the problem is with your current need for flexibility etc. so much as -- you still think of yourself as that national merit scholar, top 10 in your class who got into the ivy league and everyone told you - man you're going to do GREAT things. And like so many women I knew at my ivy, you got the general BA and didn't get yourself on any career path. You hoped it would be med, probably tried it for too long when it just wasn't going to happen and boom all of a sudden you're 30. So you squeeze in a masters and 2-3 yrs of experience . . . .

There's nothing you can do to go back to flexibility and opportunities you had at 22. BUT frankly I wouldn't just accept some BS part time job just bc you have kids and DH is a partner. I mean if you don't WANT a real career bc DH is a partner fine. But if you do want something more-- you can most certainly afford a nanny. Do you really intend to be unhappy forever bc you have kids and a partner DH?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your net worth of not your self worth but at the same time, I consider my law firm partner salary mine because we both work equally hard to allow that job within our family

Um that's funny. My spouse and I are both equity law firm partners (he is 100%, I am 80%). Your job doesn't permit him to be a law firm partner.

Similar situation in our family except that I'm in house and typically work 50 hours/week. This statement is somewhat offensive. Nobody NEEDS a SAH spouse to work hard or be successful. And my work work success is entirely my own.

Well, everyone has a different experience or threshold for juggling and stress. so yes I would say some people do need it and some don't to stay the same level of "happy". the 1 SAHP I know is a dad who had a big law partner wife, I've known them both since college. they both beat the drum saying their lives work only bc of their 1 wohm job. others don't need that others do