Please explain to us how the conversation went when you told this "friend" about your plans. Did she ask you what you were doing to spring break or did you initiate? She must be a fairly close friend for you to give not just the destination, but also the resort/hotel.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be PA, I would be direct and honest.

"Larla, family time is very important to me on vacation. Our kids can play in the pool together but I will be reading poolside. We are planning on having all our meals just the four of us."

Exactly! I find it fascinating how many people on DCUN feel unable to express themselves in a truthful, genuine way!

"Suzy, I'm not sure how to say this so I'm just going to say it. I was a little surprised that you booked the same resort. We're not really into vacationing with other families since we value our trips as family time. I don't want to hurt your feelings, so I'm giving you a heads up that Gary and I are looking forward to being alone. Perhaps we can get together one day or have dinner as a group, but I'd prefer to play it by ear. I hope you understand."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Larla, what a strange coincidence! We'll have to get together for drinks one night - maybe even dinner. Tuesday afternoon/evening is still open for us. Otherwise we can just catch up when we get back."

This seems so obviously the right way to handle it that I don't know why there are are any other options being presented.

+1
This was my same thought when I read Op's post all the way back on page 1.
I can't figure out how this post got to 7 pages with such an obvious, direct, but diplomatic response (see above).

The response sounds like an f off, no different than other suggested options. Nothing diplomatic about it, it's the same brush off and shows annoyance.

Of course it is diplomatic. Just because it's not what the rude friend wants doesn't mean it's tacky, unkind, or undiplomatic. It's the friend who has unrealistic expectations.

Anonymous wrote:“Please don’t be upset if you don’t see much of us at Resort Name. We had no idea we’d know anyone there and planned some family activities for our stay. This is the one time I can get John away from work to focus on play time with the kids so we promised them our full attention. We don’t use our phones or anything and I do a lot of reading. It’s really a recharging time for me so I’m not up for much socializing.”

This is a really good one, too. OP, don't be a doormat. If she's your friend, and if her friendship is worth keeping, she will understand that this is not a personal rejection of her, but simply what you need and wishes from a vacation.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

I’m really just so annoyed. All I waned was a quiet relaxing vacation away from everyone. I have a stack of books I planned on reading. Ugh.

And yes, this is Speing Break. We can’t change our plans now, we would lose too much money.

And yes, it’s a small resort (maybe 100 suites?) I’m just picturing not being able to even go to the pool without running into them.

I have no idea how to even tell her we won’t be hanging out 24/7 and sharing a table for every meal.

And yes, she told me that it will be great because our kids can play and we can socialize. Ugh! How can I get out of this, DCUM! What can I tactfully say?

OP, I think that you have to prioritize what you NEED, for yourself and for your family, over your very pushy friend's feelings. Have enough respect and honor for yourself. You are spending a lot of money on this vacation and this time is precious.

I would send her an email:
Rudie, I've been thinking about the news you shared that you will be taking your Spring Break at the same resort as our family. I didn't know what to say when you told me because the news was a surprise. Pete and I have been looking forward to this week as a getaway for spending time with just our family. And more than anything, I have been looking forward to quiet time by myself at the pool, reading a stack of books while the kids swim. I need this time to recharge and relax by myself. I hope you will not be disappointed, but I will look forward to socializing with you when we get back to our normal lives here in Virginia. While in Florida, i really need time to myself and with my family. If the kids end up playing together at the pool that's fine, but I really need time to myself. Please know I value your friendship very much. Vacations and family downtime are rare and treasured, and we did not plan for this to be a trip to socialize with another family and friends. I hope you will have a great time with your family and look forward to comparing notes when we return!

She may feel hurt, but it is not your fault. Your needs matter more than her feelings. You are not acting tacky or hurtful by asserting your very valid needs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

I’m really just so annoyed. All I waned was a quiet relaxing vacation away from everyone. I have a stack of books I planned on reading. Ugh.

And yes, this is Speing Break. We can’t change our plans now, we would lose too much money.

And yes, it’s a small resort (maybe 100 suites?) I’m just picturing not being able to even go to the pool without running into them.

I have no idea how to even tell her we won’t be hanging out 24/7 and sharing a table for every meal.

And yes, she told me that it will be great because our kids can play and we can socialize. Ugh! How can I get out of this, DCUM! What can I tactfully say?

I don't think you can get out of it. If you can't change dates (kids' break) and can't go someplace else ($$), chances are it's the same case for them too -- I am assuming she has booked it already. Sure you can say upfront -- family time, stack of books to read etc. and maybe she keeps her distance -- BUT at a 100 suite resort, you WILL see them at the pool and restaurant. So even if you don't sit with them/act cold so they don't come join you -- you're awkwardly going to be trying not to look in their direction the whole time. Sorry. Good luck.

I guess my only option is to make “pooltime” the time when we see them each day, and nothing else.

Why would this option be so freaking terrible? Your kids don’t want your attention 24 hours a day. Neither does your husband. TRUST ME ON THIS

Anonymous wrote:“Please don’t be upset if you don’t see much of us at Resort Name. We had no idea we’d know anyone there and planned some family activities for our stay. This is the one time I can get John away from work to focus on play time with the kids so we promised them our full attention. We don’t use our phones or anything and I do a lot of reading. It’s really a recharging time for me so I’m not up for much socializing.”

Ding ding ding. This is what I would say. It’s actually honest and something you’d say to, you know, a friend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Larla, what a strange coincidence! We'll have to get together for drinks one night - maybe even dinner. Tuesday afternoon/evening is still open for us. Otherwise we can just catch up when we get back."

This seems so obviously the right way to handle it that I don't know why there are are any other options being presented.

+1
This was my same thought when I read Op's post all the way back on page 1.
I can't figure out how this post got to 7 pages with such an obvious, direct, but diplomatic response (see above).

The response sounds like an f off, no different than other suggested options. Nothing diplomatic about it, it's the same brush off and shows annoyance.

“Please don’t be upset if you don’t see much of us at Resort Name. We had no idea we’d know anyone there and planned some family activities for our stay. This is the one time I can get John away from work to focus on play time with the kids so we promised them our full attention. We don’t use our phones or anything and I do a lot of reading. It’s really a recharging time for me so I’m not up for much socializing.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Larla, what a strange coincidence! We'll have to get together for drinks one night - maybe even dinner. Tuesday afternoon/evening is still open for us. Otherwise we can just catch up when we get back."

This seems so obviously the right way to handle it that I don't know why there are are any other options being presented.

Except that it sounds like a small resort with one pool and maybe only a couple restaurants. They can't possibly avoid running into them.

OP I think you just have to try to reframe the trip in your head. You have it built up as a family trip, but now it's a trip with friends. Is there anything you can look forward too? Will your kids be happy to have their friends there to play with? I would be super annoyed if I were you, but it sounds like there's no way for you to change plans, and even if you did that, it would probably ruin the friendship. So do your best to put a positive spin on it and then sit quietly and read your book and tell her you need some space to relax.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Larla, what a strange coincidence! We'll have to get together for drinks one night - maybe even dinner. Tuesday afternoon/evening is still open for us. Otherwise we can just catch up when we get back."

This seems so obviously the right way to handle it that I don't know why there are are any other options being presented.

+1
This was my same thought when I read Op's post all the way back on page 1.
I can't figure out how this post got to 7 pages with such an obvious, direct, but diplomatic response (see above).

I feel for you, OP. The situation is just... awkward.

Anonymous wrote:"Larla, what a strange coincidence! We'll have to get together for drinks one night - maybe even dinner. Tuesday afternoon/evening is still open for us. Otherwise we can just catch up when we get back."

This seems so obviously the right way to handle it that I don't know why there are are any other options being presented.

Bring headphones and wear them.