Anonymous wrote:Well, in my world, when an adult invites other people out for dinner to celebrate their birthday, they pay for their guests. My friends are pretty good hosts, though. Goody bags, not so much.

But so what? Kids like parties. I don't see anything strange about wanting to give your kid a party but not wanting them to get a bunch of gifts, too (most kids are going to get plenty of stuff from family members). My kid loves birthday parties--she loves playing with her friends, she loves singing happy birthday, she loves eating cake. None of that requires anyone to buy anyone else a gift. Gifts do not make the party a single iota more fun for her.

It's not an imposition on your guests--you are actually asking them NOT to spend time and money on your kid. The only reason this is an issue is because some people insist on ignoring the host's clearly expressed wishes. If everyone complied, no one would bring gifts, and no one would be embarrassed.

Kids like parties. They like birthday parties and non-birthday parties. Is that a non-sequitur? Everyone knows that you bring gifts to birthday parties, that's why some people have to specifically say not to, because it's not the norm.

Are you unaware why people write "no gifts" on the invitation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is going to one next week. We usually get a musical card or something similar.

No! Not the musical cards! They are so annoying.

And a HUGE waste of money. $7-10 for a card??

My kids got one of these and played more with it than with the gift. It's been 2 years later and that little card is still going strong. How has the battery not run out?!

Anonymous wrote:I really hate it when parents pull the "no gifts" card. The last time it happened, we went with their wishes and arrived without a gift to find...a table full of gift bags.

It makes you feel like you stand a 50/50 chance of doing the wrong thing. As a guest, I look at bringing a gift as the price of admission. You very kindly invited my child, so let us bring a gift for your child. Please? Donate the gifts to a charity if you like; nobody who brought a gift has to know what you did with it.

Don't leave your guests confused as to what they should do.

We've done this (and skip the "no gifts" staff which causes all this angst). DS has a late fall birthday, so we've take the gifts and donated them to a boys & girls club at the holidays.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We don't have big parties. As a matter of fact, my kids can't invite more than how many can fit in my minivan. I say no gifts because my UMC kids don't need more gifts. I want them to anticipate the joy of celebrating with friends, not obsessing about what gifts they will be getting. So far it has worked. My younger son is a December birthday and this year we requested a gift donation for us to bring to toys for tots. My son absolutely loved donating "his presents". This to me is more in line with teaching my kids to havr a generous spirit.

Or, you know, your kids could anticipate both a fun party and fun presents from their friends. You're not giving your kids much credit.

+1

Parents try so hard to think they are being so great and thoughtful. If you don’t want your kid to have gifts, don’t have a birthday party then. Stop the confusion to your kid, their friends, their parents. Wait until a month after his birthday and just have a party. If your kid is fine with no presents, I am sure he is fine with no singing happy birthday. Because what else is the difference?

Wow, birthdays are really tied up in getting stuff for you, aren't they? Maybe our family just likes to bring friends together for a fun time. Maybe for my kids, the party *is* the present. I guarantee that at the end of the day, getting a pile of generic gifts is not adding to my child's birthday enjoyment.

I totally agree with this last PP. When adults go out to celebrate someone's birthday we don't typically bring gifts. There are many celebratory occasions when people get together without bringing gifts. The party itself is a gift to the kid.

When I go out with friends for birthdays, we usually bring a gift or at the very least, a bottle of wine. We usually buy a drink for them and we all chip in and pay for their meal. Heck, even the restaurant gives you a present. Free dessert.

In your world does the birthday girl invite everyone, say no gifts, pay for the whole dinner, and hand out bags of goodies to all her friends that came to the restaurant?

Well, in my world, when an adult invites other people out for dinner to celebrate their birthday, they pay for their guests. My friends are pretty good hosts, though. Goody bags, not so much.

But so what? Kids like parties. I don't see anything strange about wanting to give your kid a party but not wanting them to get a bunch of gifts, too (most kids are going to get plenty of stuff from family members). My kid loves birthday parties--she loves playing with her friends, she loves singing happy birthday, she loves eating cake. None of that requires anyone to buy anyone else a gift. Gifts do not make the party a single iota more fun for her.

It's not an imposition on your guests--you are actually asking them NOT to spend time and money on your kid. The only reason this is an issue is because some people insist on ignoring the host's clearly expressed wishes. If everyone complied, no one would bring gifts, and no one would be embarrassed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We don't have big parties. As a matter of fact, my kids can't invite more than how many can fit in my minivan. I say no gifts because my UMC kids don't need more gifts. I want them to anticipate the joy of celebrating with friends, not obsessing about what gifts they will be getting. So far it has worked. My younger son is a December birthday and this year we requested a gift donation for us to bring to toys for tots. My son absolutely loved donating "his presents". This to me is more in line with teaching my kids to havr a generous spirit.

Or, you know, your kids could anticipate both a fun party and fun presents from their friends. You're not giving your kids much credit.

+1

Parents try so hard to think they are being so great and thoughtful. If you don’t want your kid to have gifts, don’t have a birthday party then. Stop the confusion to your kid, their friends, their parents. Wait until a month after his birthday and just have a party. If your kid is fine with no presents, I am sure he is fine with no singing happy birthday. Because what else is the difference?

Wow, birthdays are really tied up in getting stuff for you, aren't they? Maybe our family just likes to bring friends together for a fun time. Maybe for my kids, the party *is* the present. I guarantee that at the end of the day, getting a pile of generic gifts is not adding to my child's birthday enjoyment.

I totally agree with this last PP. When adults go out to celebrate someone's birthday we don't typically bring gifts. There are many celebratory occasions when people get together without bringing gifts. The party itself is a gift to the kid.

When I go out with friends for birthdays, we usually bring a gift or at the very least, a bottle of wine. We usually buy a drink for them and we all chip in and pay for their meal. Heck, even the restaurant gives you a present. Free dessert.

In your world does the birthday girl invite everyone, say no gifts, pay for the whole dinner, and hand out bags of goodies to all her friends that came to the restaurant?

Anonymous wrote:I really hate it when parents pull the "no gifts" card. The last time it happened, we went with their wishes and arrived without a gift to find...a table full of gift bags.

It makes you feel like you stand a 50/50 chance of doing the wrong thing. As a guest, I look at bringing a gift as the price of admission. You very kindly invited my child, so let us bring a gift for your child. Please? Donate the gifts to a charity if you like; nobody who brought a gift has to know what you did with it.

Don't leave your guests confused as to what they should do.

EXACTLY!! We have yet to go to a no gift party and there are no gifts. The hostess even has a pile for the gifts clear as day. It is so weird and uncomfortable. At least Mommy Dearest let her daughter have one present to keep and donate the rest to charity. The no gift invitations make everyone’s eyes roll.

And the poster who said they bring a flower bouquet to every no gift party? WTH? lol

The case for no-gift, no-favor parties:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always say no gifts (although we have asked for book donations to specific causes-ie school library). Frankly we are rich and our kids have plenty. An invitation shouldn’t come with strings attached.

You are rich and don't care about norms, I guess. When you have so much money, then you feel free to tell others how to spend, or how not to spend, their money.

Wealthy people do a lot of things differently. This is going to blow your mind. Please sit down and prepare yourself. Are you seated? Good.

At our wedding we requested no gifts. Yes, we spent 10s of thousands of dollars for a party with no expectation of anything in return other than a celebration with our family and friends.

Carry on.

Oh please. And no one brought you a gift to your wedding?

Only the rude people did. Or the poor people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We don't have big parties. As a matter of fact, my kids can't invite more than how many can fit in my minivan. I say no gifts because my UMC kids don't need more gifts. I want them to anticipate the joy of celebrating with friends, not obsessing about what gifts they will be getting. So far it has worked. My younger son is a December birthday and this year we requested a gift donation for us to bring to toys for tots. My son absolutely loved donating "his presents". This to me is more in line with teaching my kids to havr a generous spirit.

Or, you know, your kids could anticipate both a fun party and fun presents from their friends. You're not giving your kids much credit.

+1

Parents try so hard to think they are being so great and thoughtful. If you don’t want your kid to have gifts, don’t have a birthday party then. Stop the confusion to your kid, their friends, their parents. Wait until a month after his birthday and just have a party. If your kid is fine with no presents, I am sure he is fine with no singing happy birthday. Because what else is the difference?

Wow, birthdays are really tied up in getting stuff for you, aren't they? Maybe our family just likes to bring friends together for a fun time. Maybe for my kids, the party *is* the present. I guarantee that at the end of the day, getting a pile of generic gifts is not adding to my child's birthday enjoyment.

I totally agree with this last PP. When adults go out to celebrate someone's birthday we don't typically bring gifts. There are many celebratory occasions when people get together without bringing gifts. The party itself is a gift to the kid.

Anonymous wrote:No. I take them at their word.

If the parents made a point to state "no gifts," it's because they probably have more than they need and don't want a mountain of packaging and crappy toys crowding their already-overflowing living space. Believe them!

Anonymous wrote:Every time we have been to a no gift and not brought a gift everyone else has! The most frustrating thing ever. Because then awkward moment the kid opens gifts and nothing is from my child.

I have four children and have been to dozens of no gift parties.

*At the vast majority I never see one gift. At a minority, I see one or two gifts from people who (I assume!) just didn't read the invitation carefully or forgot.

*Regardless of whether the party was gifts or no gifts, in the who-knows-how-many birthday parties I have been in the lives of my four children I have only been present at TWO birthdays where gifts were opened. They stand out because this just isn't commonly done anymore.

Your post from start to finish is surprising, to the point of not believable,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We don't have big parties. As a matter of fact, my kids can't invite more than how many can fit in my minivan. I say no gifts because my UMC kids don't need more gifts. I want them to anticipate the joy of celebrating with friends, not obsessing about what gifts they will be getting. So far it has worked. My younger son is a December birthday and this year we requested a gift donation for us to bring to toys for tots. My son absolutely loved donating "his presents". This to me is more in line with teaching my kids to havr a generous spirit.

Or, you know, your kids could anticipate both a fun party and fun presents from their friends. You're not giving your kids much credit.

+1

Parents try so hard to think they are being so great and thoughtful. If you don’t want your kid to have gifts, don’t have a birthday party then. Stop the confusion to your kid, their friends, their parents. Wait until a month after his birthday and just have a party. If your kid is fine with no presents, I am sure he is fine with no singing happy birthday. Because what else is the difference?

Wow, birthdays are really tied up in getting stuff for you, aren't they? Maybe our family just likes to bring friends together for a fun time. Maybe for my kids, the party *is* the present. I guarantee that at the end of the day, getting a pile of generic gifts is not adding to my child's birthday enjoyment.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we bring a card with a small gift.

IME, a no gift party means that there's also no food and/or no cake. Although I can understand the selfish impulse behind it, we have lots of toys too, I'm not a fan of them.

I have been to about a hundred no-gift parties at this point, and every single one of them had cake, and some kind of snack or meal, depending on the time of day. Every single one. Now that I think about it, the parties with the skimpiest spreads were not no-gift parties.

I assume that people have no-gift parties because they don't have the space for lots of toys; they wanted to invite the whole class but thought that 20+ gifts was too much for their kid (who is likely getting gifts from family); or they didn't want anyone not to attend because buying a gift was a financial burden.

And when the invitation says no gifts, we do not bring a gift. My kid makes a card, and sometimes we put a sheet of stickers or something in it if I have some that match the theme of the party or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always say no gifts (although we have asked for book donations to specific causes-ie school library). Frankly we are rich and our kids have plenty. An invitation shouldn’t come with strings attached.

You are rich and don't care about norms, I guess. When you have so much money, then you feel free to tell others how to spend, or how not to spend, their money.

Wealthy people do a lot of things differently. This is going to blow your mind. Please sit down and prepare yourself. Are you seated? Good.

At our wedding we requested no gifts. Yes, we spent 10s of thousands of dollars for a party with no expectation of anything in return other than a celebration with our family and friends.

Carry on.

Oh please. And no one brought you a gift to your wedding?

Only the rude people did. Or the poor people.

I really hate it when parents pull the "no gifts" card. The last time it happened, we went with their wishes and arrived without a gift to find...a table full of gift bags.

It makes you feel like you stand a 50/50 chance of doing the wrong thing. As a guest, I look at bringing a gift as the price of admission. You very kindly invited my child, so let us bring a gift for your child. Please? Donate the gifts to a charity if you like; nobody who brought a gift has to know what you did with it.

Don't leave your guests confused as to what they should do.