Anonymous
11/14/2017 08:53
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wish someone had told me about my now exDH's affairs. It would have allowed me to end our relationship earlier and maybe to have had a better life. The fact that none of our many mutual personal and professional friends blew the whistle on him to me was yet another level of betrayal.
Infidelity is a form of sexual abuse if it is done without the consent of the partner. My experience was traumatizing. Not only did I lose a partner, but I lost people I thought were friends and an entire professional network. And the silence of society around that has made life very difficult.
Your silence makes you a bystander in support of the perpetrator.
The silence of society around inappropriate sexual behavior is exactly what promotes our culture of rape, abuse and harrassment of women. Those of you who keep these secrets are no better than the men around the Harvey Weinsteins of the world who say, "I didn't know." "Maybe she wants it like that." "It's not my place to say anything.". "I might lose something if I tell."
+100. This isn't Rocket science. Just tell her "Hey Barb. This is awkward, but I saw Bob at a restaurant where he was kissing another woman. I don't want to presume anything about your relationship, but if it were my husband, I'd want to know. Obviously I will keep this to myself and won't mention it again."
This! Exactly this. I like this wording too.
And yeah you're not being some invasive body busybody...it's not like you trailed his car to a secluded parking spot and spied. He was out in a public restaurant. This is the decent thing to do
Anonymous
11/14/2017 08:48
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
There is absolutely no way to tell her without appearing like a smug, gossiping busybody. No matter how tactfully youbthink you can phrase it, that’s how you will be interpreted. Let it go.
Anonymous
11/14/2017 08:45
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wish someone had told me about my now exDH's affairs. It would have allowed me to end our relationship earlier and maybe to have had a better life. The fact that none of our many mutual personal and professional friends blew the whistle on him to me was yet another level of betrayal.
Infidelity is a form of sexual abuse if it is done without the consent of the partner. My experience was traumatizing. Not only did I lose a partner, but I lost people I thought were friends and an entire professional network. And the silence of society around that has made life very difficult.
Your silence makes you a bystander in support of the perpetrator.
The silence of society around inappropriate sexual behavior is exactly what promotes our culture of rape, abuse and harrassment of women. Those of you who keep these secrets are no better than the men around the Harvey Weinsteins of the world who say, "I didn't know." "Maybe she wants it like that." "It's not my place to say anything.". "I might lose something if I tell."
+100. This isn't Rocket science. Just tell her "Hey Barb. This is awkward, but I saw Bob at a restaurant where he was kissing another woman. I don't want to presume anything about your relationship, but if it were my husband, I'd want to know. Obviously I will keep this to myself and won't mention it again."
That's a great and direct way of handling it.
Anonymous
11/14/2017 08:41
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:I wish someone had told me about my now exDH's affairs. It would have allowed me to end our relationship earlier and maybe to have had a better life. The fact that none of our many mutual personal and professional friends blew the whistle on him to me was yet another level of betrayal.
Infidelity is a form of sexual abuse if it is done without the consent of the partner. My experience was traumatizing. Not only did I lose a partner, but I lost people I thought were friends and an entire professional network. And the silence of society around that has made life very difficult.
Your silence makes you a bystander in support of the perpetrator.
The silence of society around inappropriate sexual behavior is exactly what promotes our culture of rape, abuse and harrassment of women. Those of you who keep these secrets are no better than the men around the Harvey Weinsteins of the world who say, "I didn't know." "Maybe she wants it like that." "It's not my place to say anything.". "I might lose something if I tell."
Sorry for what happened to you! Do you have children?
I would also feel betrayed if close friends, or even casual friends, knew and said nothing. But is it really a neighbor’s place to say something? Friends would know better whether you had an open marriage, how strongly you felt about fidelity, what your resources might be to divorce.
OP could possibly tell a friend of the neighbor, maybe another neighbor she is closer to, who could be the one to break the news.
Anonymous
11/14/2017 08:29
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:I would be livid if some busy body neighbor whom I didn't know well felt the need to insert herself in my marriage. I would be pissed if my DH cheated but we have a great marriage and monogamy isn't the be all and end all of our marriage. I would be angrier at having to deal with the gossips and especially that their kids could know. MYOB.
Comments like these are stupid. The "gossip" happens whether OP tells or not, especially if the DH is so careless. Rushing over to tell the DW would be a busy-body behavior, but if the opportunity came up to say "hey, I saw DH and his friend the other night at XXX, hope you weren't out sick" I might take it. Who knows how much of a public health hazard DH might be?
Anonymous
11/14/2017 08:27
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:I wish someone had told me about my now exDH's affairs. It would have allowed me to end our relationship earlier and maybe to have had a better life. The fact that none of our many mutual personal and professional friends blew the whistle on him to me was yet another level of betrayal.
Infidelity is a form of sexual abuse if it is done without the consent of the partner. My experience was traumatizing. Not only did I lose a partner, but I lost people I thought were friends and an entire professional network. And the silence of society around that has made life very difficult.
Your silence makes you a bystander in support of the perpetrator.
The silence of society around inappropriate sexual behavior is exactly what promotes our culture of rape, abuse and harrassment of women. Those of you who keep these secrets are no better than the men around the Harvey Weinsteins of the world who say, "I didn't know." "Maybe she wants it like that." "It's not my place to say anything.". "I might lose something if I tell."
+100. This isn't Rocket science. Just tell her "Hey Barb. This is awkward, but I saw Bob at a restaurant where he was kissing another woman. I don't want to presume anything about your relationship, but if it were my husband, I'd want to know. Obviously I will keep this to myself and won't mention it again."
Anonymous
11/14/2017 08:00
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
I see that a bunch of cheating husbands have found this thread. Tell, don't keep their shitty secrets. You're enabling their bad behavior. If you don't tell, and he knows that you know, and wife doesn't find out, you are essentially affirming that he can cheat with no repercussions. This is the culture of silence that enables all these selfish pigs to keep at it. Also, if he's messing around with a coworker, he could get fired when it goes south.
Anonymous
11/14/2017 07:59
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
I wish someone had told me about my now exDH's affairs. It would have allowed me to end our relationship earlier and maybe to have had a better life. The fact that none of our many mutual personal and professional friends blew the whistle on him to me was yet another level of betrayal.
Infidelity is a form of sexual abuse if it is done without the consent of the partner. My experience was traumatizing. Not only did I lose a partner, but I lost people I thought were friends and an entire professional network. And the silence of society around that has made life very difficult.
Your silence makes you a bystander in support of the perpetrator.
The silence of society around inappropriate sexual behavior is exactly what promotes our culture of rape, abuse and harrassment of women. Those of you who keep these secrets are no better than the men around the Harvey Weinsteins of the world who say, "I didn't know." "Maybe she wants it like that." "It's not my place to say anything.". "I might lose something if I tell."
Infidelity is a form of sexual abuse if it is done without the consent of the partner. My experience was traumatizing. Not only did I lose a partner, but I lost people I thought were friends and an entire professional network. And the silence of society around that has made life very difficult.
Your silence makes you a bystander in support of the perpetrator.
The silence of society around inappropriate sexual behavior is exactly what promotes our culture of rape, abuse and harrassment of women. Those of you who keep these secrets are no better than the men around the Harvey Weinsteins of the world who say, "I didn't know." "Maybe she wants it like that." "It's not my place to say anything.". "I might lose something if I tell."
Anonymous
11/14/2017 07:33
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
This reminds me of that Sam Smith music video "I'm not the only one"......
Anonymous
11/14/2017 07:29
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Tell her.
Anonymous
11/14/2017 07:25
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:I would be livid if some busy body neighbor whom I didn't know well felt the need to insert herself in my marriage. I would be pissed if my DH cheated but we have a great marriage and monogamy isn't the be all and end all of our marriage. I would be angrier at having to deal with the gossips and especially that their kids could know. MYOB.
Uhhh, if your husband was out sucking face in a local restaurant in full view of your neighbors (including their kids) could see him....you would NOT want to know about that? Gotcha.
Anonymous
11/14/2017 06:38
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
I would be livid if some busy body neighbor whom I didn't know well felt the need to insert herself in my marriage. I would be pissed if my DH cheated but we have a great marriage and monogamy isn't the be all and end all of our marriage. I would be angrier at having to deal with the gossips and especially that their kids could know. MYOB.
Anonymous
11/14/2017 06:05
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Tell his wife.
Anonymous
11/13/2017 22:14
Subject: I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:I cannot stand it when neighbors get into other neighbor’s business.
They feel it is their right since they live so close by, but honestly it isn’t.
Trust me, do not touch this w/a ten foot pole.
Stay as uninvolved as humanly possible and everyone should be okay.
THIS! People need to get a life, always eager for drama and to assert themselves into other's lives because their own is so damn boring.
Anonymous
11/13/2017 22:13
Subject: Re:I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife
Anonymous wrote:I notice that women agonize over informing the DW but men couldn't give a shit. Kinda like a 'bros before hos' thing, and I wonder if it makes more sense to take their approach instead of worrying about someone else's marriage. You're not his keeper.
Kinda like a mind your business thing. I approached my best friend of 10 years a few years out of college about an affair her new husband was having and she stayed with him and ended OUR friendship!