Anonymous wrote:Good etiquette, doesn't prevent a bad outcome from someone else.

Exactly - but you can not parent other people's teens, only your own. Get it?

Good etiquette, doesn't prevent a bad outcome from someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so naive. Kids who are going to do this stuff, are going to do it with or without well-intentioned parents in the house. How long does it take for a shot? A pill? a quickie? Teens seem to think they can sneak anything. And unfortunately, they're usually right. Weren't you ever teens? I can think of plenty of things that my siblings and I did that my parents have no idea about, and they helicoptered plenty.

Yeah you're right. We should probably just get them their own apartment and cease all parenting.

Control issues in parenting makes for the most rebellious of teens. If you don't trust your ten, if they (for example) have impulse control issues worse than most teens, you need to take on that responsibility.

Why do you think asking to meet the parents means a parent has control issues?

It doesn't, if you take that responsibility wisely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so naive. Kids who are going to do this stuff, are going to do it with or without well-intentioned parents in the house. How long does it take for a shot? A pill? a quickie? Teens seem to think they can sneak anything. And unfortunately, they're usually right. Weren't you ever teens? I can think of plenty of things that my siblings and I did that my parents have no idea about, and they helicoptered plenty.

Yeah you're right. We should probably just get them their own apartment and cease all parenting.

Control issues in parenting makes for the most rebellious of teens. If you don't trust your ten, if they (for example) have impulse control issues worse than most teens, you need to take on that responsibility.

Why do you think asking to meet the parents means a parent has control issues?

*teen

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so naive. Kids who are going to do this stuff, are going to do it with or without well-intentioned parents in the house. How long does it take for a shot? A pill? a quickie? Teens seem to think they can sneak anything. And unfortunately, they're usually right. Weren't you ever teens? I can think of plenty of things that my siblings and I did that my parents have no idea about, and they helicoptered plenty.

Yeah you're right. We should probably just get them their own apartment and cease all parenting.

Control issues in parenting makes for the most rebellious of teens. If you don't trust your ten, if they (for example) have impulse control issues worse than most teens, you need to take on that responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so naive. Kids who are going to do this stuff, are going to do it with or without well-intentioned parents in the house. How long does it take for a shot? A pill? a quickie? Teens seem to think they can sneak anything. And unfortunately, they're usually right. Weren't you ever teens? I can think of plenty of things that my siblings and I did that my parents have no idea about, and they helicoptered plenty.

There are naive parents who think that if they "police" situations, they can control what their teen, and what other teens do and do not do; who their teen and other teens hang out with; what their teen and other teens say; ad nauseum. These types of parents are in for a big surprise, not everything can be micromanaged and controlled. Which is why PPs are saying to mind your own house.

I don't think making sure you have cursory knowledge of the people with whom your teen is spending time is helicoptering. It is basic parenting. Yes you let the strings loosen when they get to high school which is why they are going to a party in the first place but you don't say "Well you are in high school now, you're on your own. Call if you need bail" The kids who know their parents don't care what they are up to and who they are with know that their parents just don't care.

Curious: why do you think parenting is one extreme or the other?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so naive. Kids who are going to do this stuff, are going to do it with or without well-intentioned parents in the house. How long does it take for a shot? A pill? a quickie? Teens seem to think they can sneak anything. And unfortunately, they're usually right. Weren't you ever teens? I can think of plenty of things that my siblings and I did that my parents have no idea about, and they helicoptered plenty.

There are naive parents who think that if they "police" situations, they can control what their teen, and what other teens do and do not do; who their teen and other teens hang out with; what their teen and other teens say; ad nauseum. These types of parents are in for a big surprise, not everything can be micromanaged and controlled. Which is why PPs are saying to mind your own house.

I don't think making sure you have cursory knowledge of the people with whom your teen is spending time is helicoptering. It is basic parenting. Yes you let the strings loosen when they get to high school which is why they are going to a party in the first place but you don't say "Well you are in high school now, you're on your own. Call if you need bail" The kids who know their parents don't care what they are up to and who they are with know that their parents just don't care.

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so naive. Kids who are going to do this stuff, are going to do it with or without well-intentioned parents in the house. How long does it take for a shot? A pill? a quickie? Teens seem to think they can sneak anything. And unfortunately, they're usually right. Weren't you ever teens? I can think of plenty of things that my siblings and I did that my parents have no idea about, and they helicoptered plenty.

Yeah you're right. We should probably just get them their own apartment and cease all parenting.

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so naive. Kids who are going to do this stuff, are going to do it with or without well-intentioned parents in the house. How long does it take for a shot? A pill? a quickie? Teens seem to think they can sneak anything. And unfortunately, they're usually right. Weren't you ever teens? I can think of plenty of things that my siblings and I did that my parents have no idea about, and they helicoptered plenty.

There are naive parents who think that if they "police" situations, they can control what their teen, and what other teens do and do not do; who their teen and other teens hang out with; what their teen and other teens say; ad nauseum. These types of parents are in for a big surprise, not everything can be micromanaged and controlled. Which is why PPs are saying to mind your own house.

You guys are so naive. Kids who are going to do this stuff, are going to do it with or without well-intentioned parents in the house. How long does it take for a shot? A pill? a quickie? Teens seem to think they can sneak anything. And unfortunately, they're usually right. Weren't you ever teens? I can think of plenty of things that my siblings and I did that my parents have no idea about, and they helicoptered plenty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No 13 year old of mine is attending a teen party alone without me knowing all about it. Most of you have no idea what goes on here. Liquor is smuggle in, couples make out and more, and pot is consumed.

I'm probably staying upstairs talking to the parents or bringing my Ipad or a book.

Be prepared to be hated by your kids.

TROLL.

Anonymous wrote:No 13 year old of mine is attending a teen party alone without me knowing all about it. Most of you have no idea what goes on here. Liquor is smuggle in, couples make out and more, and pot is consumed.

I'm probably staying upstairs talking to the parents or bringing my Ipad or a book.

Be prepared to be hated by your kids.

Anonymous wrote:I have one kid in public school and one in private. The general MO among parents at the private school is as described above, multiple phone calls, requests for background checks and finger printing, and embarrassing amounts of hovering. In public school, parents seem to trust their kids and the other parents and a text invite among kids and a request to know if parents will be there is sufficient. Guess which crowd has resulted in more tween dishonesty and experimentation issues...yup. The private school kids.

Private school parent who treats their kid like the public school kids you describe. we don't all hover.

Anonymous wrote:You do realize that meeting the parents means nothing? I have met parents and then found out they never went downstairs and there was drinking going on while they were home. The flip side is mine have gone to houses without parents and nothing has happened because of the group of kids that was there. Teach your kids to make good decisions because you can’t trust other kid's parents to watch your kid.

Other PP here. i also agree with this post, which I why I mention "moms who act superior" - as if "popping their head in" is going to solve anything. There are parents that have extreme anxiety (undiagnosed) - and rather than tackle the actual problem (perhaps their child), they blame other people, and give other people the responsibilities that should be their own (teaching the right skills). So, thank you for touching on this subject, and clarifying what some parents simply do not want to know - they do NOT want to hear that something might be their responsibility or their fault. Nothing is ever their fault. If you don't know parents like this, consider yourself lucky.